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Jan. 27th, 2004 11:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tammaiyaHere is some Innocence Lost commentary, for Jill. Just the first chapter so far, but with a huge really stupid introductory ramble at the start. *rolls eyes* This, I believe, is one of my big triumphs in the pompous "and these are the kind of special effects we get from a tissue" stakes.
RIGHT. This is, like, the undertaking of a lifetime. *dies* Still, it’s worth a try. Let’s see if I can remember my logic from a year and a half to two years ago, yes? Wow, this series is practically a dynasty. *blink* So, first of all: where did this whole crazy soap operatic mess come from in the first place? Well, first of all came that epic Good Omens fic (was I on crack for that last chapter? I suspect I was…), where God, Lucifer, Metatron and Gabriel made their first appearances. Now, around that time I discovered that there was a Dictionary of Angels in our school library. “Ooh! What’s this?” says I. “Shiny!” And I picked it up, for little did I suspect. I had always been interested in angels, especially at this point in time with my GO fic, and I had been considering doing a story with them in the future. Flipping through the dictionary, there were names and titles and information about each of them. Suddenly I found 12 new characters had formed entirely without my consent, which was a bit concerning, especially since many of them started with the letter ‘A’. Perhaps I shouldn’t have spent quite so much time at the beginning of the dictionary? Er. Too late. Some of them did change, though. For example, I had two angels of human sexuality- Abalidoth and Aba… hang on. Can’t remember the name. *goes off to check some REALLY OLD PICTURES* I’m back, and I hope you people appreciate the horror I put myself through for you. *laugh* I hate looking at old works. Anyway, as it so turns out he was just called Aba. Then I swapped their names around. Then I decided I had to many ‘A’ names (and anyway, Aba made me think of, well, ABBA.) so Aba- whom I had designated as the angel of love, even though his title was really just angel of human sexuality- was changed to Tahariel, angel of Innocence and Purity. Um. And, of course, love, although that isn’t part of the actual angelic lore. And at the same time, Abbadon angel of Death had changed to Suriel. Still angel of Death. Hang on, what am I talking about? I think I lost the plot at some point. Good lord, this commentary is rambly.
So what I’m basically saying is they all sprang out of the dictionary, and then they multiplied because suddenly I was continuously renewing the dictionary, carrying it everywhere, even stroking its cover and hissing “my preeeeeeeeciouuuuuuusssssss…” to it.
Um. Yes, I really did do that once or twice. As a joke? Eep!
Oh. Yes. Back to the point. So at some point I decided God needed siblings other than Jesus- yes, Jesus is his brother, why are you giving me that look?- and I got sick of them having stupid names gacked from a horrible horrible story written when I was young and foolish. So I found out that there was an Encyclopaedia of Gods in our library, and… perhaps that was a mistake. There are about 37 characters now, give or take. *facepalm*
Anyway, there were all these characters by this point (though the Gods minus of course God and Gaia and some of the later angels weren’t thought of yet), there was actually no plot. Eh heh. Rather large oversight there, yes? So I sat down and thought, and eventually decided it would be one huge book-like… thing, but instead of chapters, there would be short stories that followed on from each other, LIKE chapters, (Short? HAH.) and that these would each have their own subplot or whatever, but the big picture would piece together to form all the relationships. And then I started working on the relationship plots, which form a fine tangled very very large web of angst and spoilers and also a lot of thought processes spanning two years, so THAT is a story for another time. As for Innocence Lost, though… having the grand master plan (which from a current perspective looks very incomplete, compared to the new spectacular master plan that lives in my mind. Surprising I’m not insane yet, you would have thought it was too much for any human to remember… oh. Wait. Silly me.) didn’t particular help with starting the first short story. But then, inspiration struck in the form of Religion and Philosophy, when we were studying the Free-will defence. That caught my interest, and… well, I guess you’ve discovered my hidden shame. MY WEAKNESS FOR PHILOSOPHY.
So. The rest is history… I bring you:
Innocence Lost
Two figures rested on a hill overlooking the lower city of Heaven, one sprawled out languidly and one sitting hunched up with arms braced on his legs and his chin resting in his hands. Lucifer, hands linked behind his head, wore a very self-satisfied smirk. His shaggy, shoulder-length vibrant green hair almost blended in to the grass in a mock halo around his head, and his burnished golden eyes gleamed mischievously.
God, on the other hand, did not look happy. His long strands of dark violet hair fell freely over his tensed up shoulders, the rest of it pulled back into a loose ponytail. His deep blood red eyes had an air of extreme annoyance about them, and the scowl darkening his features bespoke much vengeance and smiting.
Just thought I’d mention the fact that I can always see this scene very clearly in my head. I’ve tried to draw it several times, but I never feel I can do it justice… I wish there was some way I could bribe some anime-making company to make it into an anime, purely so I could make spiffy video clips with their hard work. *grin*
Throwing his hands up into the air suddenly, God flopped back down to the ground with a thump and began to mutter darkly under his breath. Lucifer watched him curiously for a few seconds, but made no comment. He was curious of what God was up to, yes, but was quite willing to wait for God to clarify his irritable mood. God eventually felt that he had to express himself more obviously. “Gah!”
Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “Eloquent. Mind giving a bit more detail?”
God’s expression grew even fouler. “Oh, shut up. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not in a good mood.”
Is he ever? *cough* Ahem. Yes, well. We all know what a brat God is, but the thing is, he’s a WELL-MEANING brat. And he’s not always bratty, either. Just in certain circumstances, and it so happens that a lot of the first story falls under that heading.
Lucifer rolled his eyes, voice dripping absolute sarcasm at this unexpected revelation. “No, really? I never would have guessed! Well, fearless leader, speak of your anguish so that I may go do your bidding. Although, you know, I really do think you should do your own smiting. Or let Uriel do it, isn’t that what he’s meant to do? I always told him he was lazy.”
I love Lucifer. Um, “I Love Lucy” pun unintended. ^^; I also love the reference to Uriel here, because I was really looking forward to his appearance at the time I was writing this and it wasn’t going to be for some time. Writing time, that is. In fact, let’s just say I love the whole comment there. Just thought I’d share that with you.
God stuck his tongue out. “Idiot. I don’t know why I put up with you. Anyway, I’m not your fearless leader. Isn’t that the point?”
Lucifer considered this. “Depends what the point is, really. But if it is the point, then it’s your fault anyway, so don’t blame me.”
God stared at him. “How exactly did you come up with that one?”
“Easy. My Falling was a direct result of your complete pig-headedness, not to mention, if you recall, your inability to apologise.”
This was actually established in the GO fic- established for my benefit, that is, no one else has to read it- and really, why is the Fall always Lucifer’s fault? In fact, why must Lucifer be bad? I mean, you’d think people would sometimes wonder if God isn’t perfect and it’s all just propaganda, really. Or maybe that’s just me.
…Has anyone else noticed my delight in messing with social conceptions? I only just realised that myself. *blink*
God blinked. “That is such an incredibly stupid statement. You’re the one who chose to Fall. I didn’t make you. Which means, if there is any fault, it still belongs to you. Besides, you deserved it.”
Lucifer rolled onto his stomach so he could face God. “I believe the matter of whether my enforced Fall was justified or not is still under debate.”
God scoffed. “Come on! I’m not the one who chucked a complete spastic, am I? Besides, stop being so pompous. You sound like a lawyer. Or Michael. Anyway, enforced? We just covered that!”
“Eh, enforced is as good a word as any. You drove me to it. And me, a lawyer? What an awful thought. I’ll be leaving that to Mikey, if you please. Although, I don’t think I’d be too bad, now that I think about it. I’d make a good lawyer. A barrister, maybe. They’re meant to be belligerent and argumentative, aren’t they? Belligerent and argumentative is what I do best!”
Mangled quote from my brother, while he was in Law school. “I’ll make a good barrister. Barristers are belligerent and argumentative. I’m GOOD at being belligerent and argumentative.”
Me: *mutters* “Yeah, no kidding.”
“No disputing that,” God muttered.
“Whichever way,” Lucifer continued, “I wasn’t the one who was being a stubborn pig-headed brat, was I?”
God sighed. “Give it a rest. We’ve been over this before. I’m obviously superior to you, so why bother?”
Lucifer grinned triumphantly. “Ah, but that’s just what you say because you can’t think of anything else and you know I’ve won.”
God glared at him. “Yeah, whatever. Say what you will. Just because you’re not mature enough to concede to my victory.”
Lucifer shrugged. “And that is also what you say because you can’t think of anything better and you know I’ve won. What was that about maturity, again? You’re a fine one to talk. Hypocrite.”
“I am too mature. I’ll have you know I’m millions of years old, so hah!”
“Yep, real mature. I’m millions of years old too, try another one.”
“Silence, foolish morta- oh. Wait a second.”
“You know, mortals don’t tend to be millions of years old.” Lucifer commented idly.
“Shut up.” God growled.
“Make me.”
“No. I can’t be bothered. Besides, the argument isn’t over yet.”
“Yes it is. I won.”
“It is not. And you did not.” God sniffed loftily.
“Did too.” Lucifer shot back. His mode of attack was one tried and true throughout the ages.
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
“Did not.”
“Too!”
“Not!”
“Too!”
“Not not not not not not not!” God snapped. There was a long silence. Lucifer started laughing, and God glowered at him balefully.
“God, how about we conclude that I am indeed far cooler than you and possess an intellect far superior to yours and move on? Like, say, to why you’re sulking?”
Ok, this whole argument? Just cut out the “mortals don’t tend to be (etc)” line and insert random insult, and you pretty much have one of the most common arguments between me and one of my closest friends. We’ve had that exact fight over different things many, many times; it’s fun to be immature! Would just like to point out that I, in this capacity, am Lucifer. And also that these fights were always a joke, and had a bizarre tendency to occur throughout Geography lessons. They were in no way hindered by our teacher ordering us to draw breath. Just thought I’d share that with you. *grin*
And dude? This is why I usually don’t tell people why I write things. It’s because they’ll discover that really I have no creativity and am just a Very Silly Person. *pause* Oh, hang on, we already knew that. All good, then. ^^;
“I am not sulking. I do not do sulking. I’m just brooding,” God responded automatically. Then he realised that Lucifer had gotten the last word, and that it was also too late to do anything about it. “Damn.”
The brooding-not-sulking is such a God trademark now. “My fandom does not sulk!”
“You know, going around saying ‘damn’ might not be such a great idea for you. I mean, there’s always that small possibility that it might actually happen.”
“Well maybe I want to damn you,” God muttered childishly.
Lucifer made a face. “What kind of stupid comment is that? Unless you’ve forgotten, you should be fully aware that I’m already damned. I’m very much damned; in fact, I’m running the show down there in the land of said damned. I thought you were aware of that, unless you’re getting senile in your old age.”
Reminder to self: you are not here to tell people which lines are your favourite. Really. You’re meant to say something meaningful and intelligent. *pause* *frantic pointing* Look, it’s an elephant! *runs away*
God seethed indignantly. “I am not getting senile! I’m omnipotent, I don’t get senile!”
“Keep telling yourself that and you may just believe it. However, right now I’m more interested in the reason for your highly strung sulking.”
“I don’t sulk,” God replied absently.
“Yeah, whatever, I know. You don’t do sulking; you’re brooding omnipotently. So, go on- why?”
Doobidoobidoo, more witty banter. This comment actually has no point, sorry.
God bit his lip. “It’s kind of silly, really. I mean, it’s humans again.”
Lucifer groaned. “Oh, not again! Last time you had a hissy fit over them you flooded the whole bloody planet!”
Hee! Noah’s Arc. It’s about time someone mocked that a bit. I mean, come on. “All you humans are wicked! ALL OF YOU! Um. Except him. So die!” How much does that sound like a hissy fit and a case of blatant favouritism?
Coincidentally, I was raised a semi-strict Catholic.
God sat up and crossed his arms defensively. “They deserved it!”
Lucifer shook his head. “I begin to sense a pattern here. Maybe you should lay off the justice and let Michael do his job in peace.”
God gave Lucifer a dirty look. “Why don’t you mind your own business?”
“Ah, but it is my business. I haven’t noticed the humans doing anything particularly bad, recently, so what’s your problem?”
“Well, they’re not following the commandments anymore. I mean, come on! I tell them ‘thou shalt not steal’, and what to they do? Stealing becomes a new favourite. I tell them ‘thou shalt not kill’, and they murder each other left, right and centre. I tell them ‘thou shalt not commit adultery’, and suddenly it becomes everyone’s favourite pastime! Whatever happened to ‘thou shalt not’?” God whined.
Hee hee! I love this bit too. You know what this was inspired by? My friend Jen told me about this bumper sticker she had seen, something like this: “You know those bumper stickers you get where they have a quote, then tell you who said it? I saw one saying ‘Whatever happened to Thou Shalt Not?’ -God.”
I love that quote. Whatever happened to Thou Shalt Not?
Um. And I prove again that really my creativity is all a cover. ^^;
Lucifer passed a hand over his eyes tiredly. “It’s not exactly their fault, as such. You can’t really blame them.”
God pouted. “Why not? I bet you’re just saying that. You’re doubtlessly delighted by it. In fact, the existence of adultery is probably all your fault!”
“Don’t be a daft blockhead. You of all people should know that the whole me being evil thing is just your very inconvenient propaganda. I wish you would do something about that, by the way. You know it’s not true, and it was just petty revenge after I Fell. Not only did you not speak to me for a millennia, you spread nasty rumours down on Earth! Geez!” Stopping to catch his breath, Lucifer shook his head. “Whichever way, I actually happen to prize loyalty quite dearly,” Lucifer went on, ignoring God’s snort of disbelief. “But my point was that you created them. You should have known that this would happen if you’re so all-knowing.”
Hm. It’s just occurred to me that I don’t like the way this bit is worded. Oh well. Although I do like the philosophy. *philosophy ho*
God shook his head. “What would you expect me to do? I couldn’t have made them mindless slaves. That would defeat the whole point- they’re supposed to be rational, individual beings, like us.”
Lucifer smiled wryly. “Maybe not, but in giving them free-will, you gave them the choice to do wrong. And in case you haven’t noticed, we do wrong too. And none of us always do exactly what you want, either. It’s a part of the territory.”
“Yeah, I have noticed, actually. You being the prime example. But if I stopped them whenever they tried to make a bad decision, then I wouldn’t really be giving them freedom at all, would I?”
Lucifer contemplated this. “Well, no. So either you’re going to have to let them be and sort it out themselves, or you’ll have to think of something else to do. Maybe you need to do something visible and flashy to put the fear of God into them?” He paused and sniggered. “Literally, come to think of it.”
God wrinkled his nose. “Don’t be ridiculous. Flashy is so old-testament.”
Yet another stop-off in Tammaiya’s entertaining but blasphemous guide around the bible. God (according to the bible) goes from “Ye shalt do as thou art told because I said so, or ye shalt be smitten most mightily!” (rather worse than being sent to one’s room, really) to “I am the embodiment of love. I have reached my zen place; all is forgiven.” just over the birth of one child. Clearly, being a parent has mellowed him. Only. Not in this version. (Anyway, I thought becoming a grandparent was supposed to mellow you? Ah, whatever.)
… Offered this observation to my mother just then. She disagreed with the form of “smite” I used. Ended up having to look up dictionary and change “smote” to “smitten” which just doesn’t have the same ring. Feel most humbled. Clearly, this is what happens when one is too impressed by one’s own wit. *laughs*
Lucifer tried to choke back his untimely laughter. “Yes, that is rather true. What happened there, anyway?”
God avoided his enquiring look. “Um. I was having a bad millennia.”
“Right. So what you really mean is that I had done something to irritate you and you took it out on the poor humans.”
God flushed. “No comment.”
“Maybe you need some more commandments,” Lucifer stated thoughtfully.
“Like what?”
“How about, ‘Thou Shalt Not Cause Thine Friends to Fall For Love’?”
God squawked and struck Lucifer with a miniature bolt of lightning. “You always have to bring that up, don’t you?”
Lucifer rubbed his shoulder reproachfully. “Or what about, ‘Thou Shalt Not Smite Thine Friends’?”
There was a stony silence. Lucifer smirked. “Or alternatively, if that’s too much to ask, you could always go for ‘Thou Shalt Not Smite Thine Friends With Little Or No Provocation’.”
If I recall correctly, that last was suggested by my best friend Eugenie. Another of my favourite lines.
… what is this? “Yeah, I like this bit, this bit… ew, what was I ON when I wrote this bit? And this is where I stole THIS bit from!"
“Go away. I’m not talking to you.”
Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Geez, what’d I do? If you’re going to be like that, then what’s the point of hanging around? You’re so moody sometimes, honestly.”
God slid his hand through his hair. He had that absent, far-away, melancholy look on his face that always spelled trouble and meant that his mind was off with the faeries. “What’s the point in anything?”
Faeries! *mad giggle* Also, you will note that at all times I will practically always use the ye olde spelling of words like faerie. I just prefer it, that’s all.
Lucifer winced. This had all the markings of a really big tantrum in the works. God stood up abruptly and looked back at Lucifer.
“I’m going to talk to Gaia. I’ll see you later.”
As God walked away, Lucifer thumped his palm into his forehead. God was in a mood again, and storm clouds were clearly brewing. Oh dear. This was not good. Not good at all.
You know, this one chapter says a LOT about me. Perhaps I should be afraid, or disturbed…? Meh.
That... that was bad, like a very bad thing. This should be a lesson never to comment on my own orignal works ever again, but knowing me, I'll turn out to be a slow learner. *wince* Anyway. That was entirely lacking in point.
Also, chapter 2 of AMTL is up. And... something. I forgot what I was going to say. Oh yeah. Nobody's around and I'm bored. Mari is back from Japan, which is all rockin'. And I have to go stationary shopping tomorrow. Joy of joys.
And have finished chapter 5 of AMTL. Should maybe do something about that. *stares blankly at screen* Eh, whatever.
RIGHT. This is, like, the undertaking of a lifetime. *dies* Still, it’s worth a try. Let’s see if I can remember my logic from a year and a half to two years ago, yes? Wow, this series is practically a dynasty. *blink* So, first of all: where did this whole crazy soap operatic mess come from in the first place? Well, first of all came that epic Good Omens fic (was I on crack for that last chapter? I suspect I was…), where God, Lucifer, Metatron and Gabriel made their first appearances. Now, around that time I discovered that there was a Dictionary of Angels in our school library. “Ooh! What’s this?” says I. “Shiny!” And I picked it up, for little did I suspect. I had always been interested in angels, especially at this point in time with my GO fic, and I had been considering doing a story with them in the future. Flipping through the dictionary, there were names and titles and information about each of them. Suddenly I found 12 new characters had formed entirely without my consent, which was a bit concerning, especially since many of them started with the letter ‘A’. Perhaps I shouldn’t have spent quite so much time at the beginning of the dictionary? Er. Too late. Some of them did change, though. For example, I had two angels of human sexuality- Abalidoth and Aba… hang on. Can’t remember the name. *goes off to check some REALLY OLD PICTURES* I’m back, and I hope you people appreciate the horror I put myself through for you. *laugh* I hate looking at old works. Anyway, as it so turns out he was just called Aba. Then I swapped their names around. Then I decided I had to many ‘A’ names (and anyway, Aba made me think of, well, ABBA.) so Aba- whom I had designated as the angel of love, even though his title was really just angel of human sexuality- was changed to Tahariel, angel of Innocence and Purity. Um. And, of course, love, although that isn’t part of the actual angelic lore. And at the same time, Abbadon angel of Death had changed to Suriel. Still angel of Death. Hang on, what am I talking about? I think I lost the plot at some point. Good lord, this commentary is rambly.
So what I’m basically saying is they all sprang out of the dictionary, and then they multiplied because suddenly I was continuously renewing the dictionary, carrying it everywhere, even stroking its cover and hissing “my preeeeeeeeciouuuuuuusssssss…” to it.
Um. Yes, I really did do that once or twice. As a joke? Eep!
Oh. Yes. Back to the point. So at some point I decided God needed siblings other than Jesus- yes, Jesus is his brother, why are you giving me that look?- and I got sick of them having stupid names gacked from a horrible horrible story written when I was young and foolish. So I found out that there was an Encyclopaedia of Gods in our library, and… perhaps that was a mistake. There are about 37 characters now, give or take. *facepalm*
Anyway, there were all these characters by this point (though the Gods minus of course God and Gaia and some of the later angels weren’t thought of yet), there was actually no plot. Eh heh. Rather large oversight there, yes? So I sat down and thought, and eventually decided it would be one huge book-like… thing, but instead of chapters, there would be short stories that followed on from each other, LIKE chapters, (Short? HAH.) and that these would each have their own subplot or whatever, but the big picture would piece together to form all the relationships. And then I started working on the relationship plots, which form a fine tangled very very large web of angst and spoilers and also a lot of thought processes spanning two years, so THAT is a story for another time. As for Innocence Lost, though… having the grand master plan (which from a current perspective looks very incomplete, compared to the new spectacular master plan that lives in my mind. Surprising I’m not insane yet, you would have thought it was too much for any human to remember… oh. Wait. Silly me.) didn’t particular help with starting the first short story. But then, inspiration struck in the form of Religion and Philosophy, when we were studying the Free-will defence. That caught my interest, and… well, I guess you’ve discovered my hidden shame. MY WEAKNESS FOR PHILOSOPHY.
So. The rest is history… I bring you:
Innocence Lost
Two figures rested on a hill overlooking the lower city of Heaven, one sprawled out languidly and one sitting hunched up with arms braced on his legs and his chin resting in his hands. Lucifer, hands linked behind his head, wore a very self-satisfied smirk. His shaggy, shoulder-length vibrant green hair almost blended in to the grass in a mock halo around his head, and his burnished golden eyes gleamed mischievously.
God, on the other hand, did not look happy. His long strands of dark violet hair fell freely over his tensed up shoulders, the rest of it pulled back into a loose ponytail. His deep blood red eyes had an air of extreme annoyance about them, and the scowl darkening his features bespoke much vengeance and smiting.
Just thought I’d mention the fact that I can always see this scene very clearly in my head. I’ve tried to draw it several times, but I never feel I can do it justice… I wish there was some way I could bribe some anime-making company to make it into an anime, purely so I could make spiffy video clips with their hard work. *grin*
Throwing his hands up into the air suddenly, God flopped back down to the ground with a thump and began to mutter darkly under his breath. Lucifer watched him curiously for a few seconds, but made no comment. He was curious of what God was up to, yes, but was quite willing to wait for God to clarify his irritable mood. God eventually felt that he had to express himself more obviously. “Gah!”
Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “Eloquent. Mind giving a bit more detail?”
God’s expression grew even fouler. “Oh, shut up. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not in a good mood.”
Is he ever? *cough* Ahem. Yes, well. We all know what a brat God is, but the thing is, he’s a WELL-MEANING brat. And he’s not always bratty, either. Just in certain circumstances, and it so happens that a lot of the first story falls under that heading.
Lucifer rolled his eyes, voice dripping absolute sarcasm at this unexpected revelation. “No, really? I never would have guessed! Well, fearless leader, speak of your anguish so that I may go do your bidding. Although, you know, I really do think you should do your own smiting. Or let Uriel do it, isn’t that what he’s meant to do? I always told him he was lazy.”
I love Lucifer. Um, “I Love Lucy” pun unintended. ^^; I also love the reference to Uriel here, because I was really looking forward to his appearance at the time I was writing this and it wasn’t going to be for some time. Writing time, that is. In fact, let’s just say I love the whole comment there. Just thought I’d share that with you.
God stuck his tongue out. “Idiot. I don’t know why I put up with you. Anyway, I’m not your fearless leader. Isn’t that the point?”
Lucifer considered this. “Depends what the point is, really. But if it is the point, then it’s your fault anyway, so don’t blame me.”
God stared at him. “How exactly did you come up with that one?”
“Easy. My Falling was a direct result of your complete pig-headedness, not to mention, if you recall, your inability to apologise.”
This was actually established in the GO fic- established for my benefit, that is, no one else has to read it- and really, why is the Fall always Lucifer’s fault? In fact, why must Lucifer be bad? I mean, you’d think people would sometimes wonder if God isn’t perfect and it’s all just propaganda, really. Or maybe that’s just me.
…Has anyone else noticed my delight in messing with social conceptions? I only just realised that myself. *blink*
God blinked. “That is such an incredibly stupid statement. You’re the one who chose to Fall. I didn’t make you. Which means, if there is any fault, it still belongs to you. Besides, you deserved it.”
Lucifer rolled onto his stomach so he could face God. “I believe the matter of whether my enforced Fall was justified or not is still under debate.”
God scoffed. “Come on! I’m not the one who chucked a complete spastic, am I? Besides, stop being so pompous. You sound like a lawyer. Or Michael. Anyway, enforced? We just covered that!”
“Eh, enforced is as good a word as any. You drove me to it. And me, a lawyer? What an awful thought. I’ll be leaving that to Mikey, if you please. Although, I don’t think I’d be too bad, now that I think about it. I’d make a good lawyer. A barrister, maybe. They’re meant to be belligerent and argumentative, aren’t they? Belligerent and argumentative is what I do best!”
Mangled quote from my brother, while he was in Law school. “I’ll make a good barrister. Barristers are belligerent and argumentative. I’m GOOD at being belligerent and argumentative.”
Me: *mutters* “Yeah, no kidding.”
“No disputing that,” God muttered.
“Whichever way,” Lucifer continued, “I wasn’t the one who was being a stubborn pig-headed brat, was I?”
God sighed. “Give it a rest. We’ve been over this before. I’m obviously superior to you, so why bother?”
Lucifer grinned triumphantly. “Ah, but that’s just what you say because you can’t think of anything else and you know I’ve won.”
God glared at him. “Yeah, whatever. Say what you will. Just because you’re not mature enough to concede to my victory.”
Lucifer shrugged. “And that is also what you say because you can’t think of anything better and you know I’ve won. What was that about maturity, again? You’re a fine one to talk. Hypocrite.”
“I am too mature. I’ll have you know I’m millions of years old, so hah!”
“Yep, real mature. I’m millions of years old too, try another one.”
“Silence, foolish morta- oh. Wait a second.”
“You know, mortals don’t tend to be millions of years old.” Lucifer commented idly.
“Shut up.” God growled.
“Make me.”
“No. I can’t be bothered. Besides, the argument isn’t over yet.”
“Yes it is. I won.”
“It is not. And you did not.” God sniffed loftily.
“Did too.” Lucifer shot back. His mode of attack was one tried and true throughout the ages.
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
“Did not.”
“Too!”
“Not!”
“Too!”
“Not not not not not not not!” God snapped. There was a long silence. Lucifer started laughing, and God glowered at him balefully.
“God, how about we conclude that I am indeed far cooler than you and possess an intellect far superior to yours and move on? Like, say, to why you’re sulking?”
Ok, this whole argument? Just cut out the “mortals don’t tend to be (etc)” line and insert random insult, and you pretty much have one of the most common arguments between me and one of my closest friends. We’ve had that exact fight over different things many, many times; it’s fun to be immature! Would just like to point out that I, in this capacity, am Lucifer. And also that these fights were always a joke, and had a bizarre tendency to occur throughout Geography lessons. They were in no way hindered by our teacher ordering us to draw breath. Just thought I’d share that with you. *grin*
And dude? This is why I usually don’t tell people why I write things. It’s because they’ll discover that really I have no creativity and am just a Very Silly Person. *pause* Oh, hang on, we already knew that. All good, then. ^^;
“I am not sulking. I do not do sulking. I’m just brooding,” God responded automatically. Then he realised that Lucifer had gotten the last word, and that it was also too late to do anything about it. “Damn.”
The brooding-not-sulking is such a God trademark now. “My fandom does not sulk!”
“You know, going around saying ‘damn’ might not be such a great idea for you. I mean, there’s always that small possibility that it might actually happen.”
“Well maybe I want to damn you,” God muttered childishly.
Lucifer made a face. “What kind of stupid comment is that? Unless you’ve forgotten, you should be fully aware that I’m already damned. I’m very much damned; in fact, I’m running the show down there in the land of said damned. I thought you were aware of that, unless you’re getting senile in your old age.”
Reminder to self: you are not here to tell people which lines are your favourite. Really. You’re meant to say something meaningful and intelligent. *pause* *frantic pointing* Look, it’s an elephant! *runs away*
God seethed indignantly. “I am not getting senile! I’m omnipotent, I don’t get senile!”
“Keep telling yourself that and you may just believe it. However, right now I’m more interested in the reason for your highly strung sulking.”
“I don’t sulk,” God replied absently.
“Yeah, whatever, I know. You don’t do sulking; you’re brooding omnipotently. So, go on- why?”
Doobidoobidoo, more witty banter. This comment actually has no point, sorry.
God bit his lip. “It’s kind of silly, really. I mean, it’s humans again.”
Lucifer groaned. “Oh, not again! Last time you had a hissy fit over them you flooded the whole bloody planet!”
Hee! Noah’s Arc. It’s about time someone mocked that a bit. I mean, come on. “All you humans are wicked! ALL OF YOU! Um. Except him. So die!” How much does that sound like a hissy fit and a case of blatant favouritism?
Coincidentally, I was raised a semi-strict Catholic.
God sat up and crossed his arms defensively. “They deserved it!”
Lucifer shook his head. “I begin to sense a pattern here. Maybe you should lay off the justice and let Michael do his job in peace.”
God gave Lucifer a dirty look. “Why don’t you mind your own business?”
“Ah, but it is my business. I haven’t noticed the humans doing anything particularly bad, recently, so what’s your problem?”
“Well, they’re not following the commandments anymore. I mean, come on! I tell them ‘thou shalt not steal’, and what to they do? Stealing becomes a new favourite. I tell them ‘thou shalt not kill’, and they murder each other left, right and centre. I tell them ‘thou shalt not commit adultery’, and suddenly it becomes everyone’s favourite pastime! Whatever happened to ‘thou shalt not’?” God whined.
Hee hee! I love this bit too. You know what this was inspired by? My friend Jen told me about this bumper sticker she had seen, something like this: “You know those bumper stickers you get where they have a quote, then tell you who said it? I saw one saying ‘Whatever happened to Thou Shalt Not?’ -God.”
I love that quote. Whatever happened to Thou Shalt Not?
Um. And I prove again that really my creativity is all a cover. ^^;
Lucifer passed a hand over his eyes tiredly. “It’s not exactly their fault, as such. You can’t really blame them.”
God pouted. “Why not? I bet you’re just saying that. You’re doubtlessly delighted by it. In fact, the existence of adultery is probably all your fault!”
“Don’t be a daft blockhead. You of all people should know that the whole me being evil thing is just your very inconvenient propaganda. I wish you would do something about that, by the way. You know it’s not true, and it was just petty revenge after I Fell. Not only did you not speak to me for a millennia, you spread nasty rumours down on Earth! Geez!” Stopping to catch his breath, Lucifer shook his head. “Whichever way, I actually happen to prize loyalty quite dearly,” Lucifer went on, ignoring God’s snort of disbelief. “But my point was that you created them. You should have known that this would happen if you’re so all-knowing.”
Hm. It’s just occurred to me that I don’t like the way this bit is worded. Oh well. Although I do like the philosophy. *philosophy ho*
God shook his head. “What would you expect me to do? I couldn’t have made them mindless slaves. That would defeat the whole point- they’re supposed to be rational, individual beings, like us.”
Lucifer smiled wryly. “Maybe not, but in giving them free-will, you gave them the choice to do wrong. And in case you haven’t noticed, we do wrong too. And none of us always do exactly what you want, either. It’s a part of the territory.”
“Yeah, I have noticed, actually. You being the prime example. But if I stopped them whenever they tried to make a bad decision, then I wouldn’t really be giving them freedom at all, would I?”
Lucifer contemplated this. “Well, no. So either you’re going to have to let them be and sort it out themselves, or you’ll have to think of something else to do. Maybe you need to do something visible and flashy to put the fear of God into them?” He paused and sniggered. “Literally, come to think of it.”
God wrinkled his nose. “Don’t be ridiculous. Flashy is so old-testament.”
Yet another stop-off in Tammaiya’s entertaining but blasphemous guide around the bible. God (according to the bible) goes from “Ye shalt do as thou art told because I said so, or ye shalt be smitten most mightily!” (rather worse than being sent to one’s room, really) to “I am the embodiment of love. I have reached my zen place; all is forgiven.” just over the birth of one child. Clearly, being a parent has mellowed him. Only. Not in this version. (Anyway, I thought becoming a grandparent was supposed to mellow you? Ah, whatever.)
… Offered this observation to my mother just then. She disagreed with the form of “smite” I used. Ended up having to look up dictionary and change “smote” to “smitten” which just doesn’t have the same ring. Feel most humbled. Clearly, this is what happens when one is too impressed by one’s own wit. *laughs*
Lucifer tried to choke back his untimely laughter. “Yes, that is rather true. What happened there, anyway?”
God avoided his enquiring look. “Um. I was having a bad millennia.”
“Right. So what you really mean is that I had done something to irritate you and you took it out on the poor humans.”
God flushed. “No comment.”
“Maybe you need some more commandments,” Lucifer stated thoughtfully.
“Like what?”
“How about, ‘Thou Shalt Not Cause Thine Friends to Fall For Love’?”
God squawked and struck Lucifer with a miniature bolt of lightning. “You always have to bring that up, don’t you?”
Lucifer rubbed his shoulder reproachfully. “Or what about, ‘Thou Shalt Not Smite Thine Friends’?”
There was a stony silence. Lucifer smirked. “Or alternatively, if that’s too much to ask, you could always go for ‘Thou Shalt Not Smite Thine Friends With Little Or No Provocation’.”
If I recall correctly, that last was suggested by my best friend Eugenie. Another of my favourite lines.
… what is this? “Yeah, I like this bit, this bit… ew, what was I ON when I wrote this bit? And this is where I stole THIS bit from!"
“Go away. I’m not talking to you.”
Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Geez, what’d I do? If you’re going to be like that, then what’s the point of hanging around? You’re so moody sometimes, honestly.”
God slid his hand through his hair. He had that absent, far-away, melancholy look on his face that always spelled trouble and meant that his mind was off with the faeries. “What’s the point in anything?”
Faeries! *mad giggle* Also, you will note that at all times I will practically always use the ye olde spelling of words like faerie. I just prefer it, that’s all.
Lucifer winced. This had all the markings of a really big tantrum in the works. God stood up abruptly and looked back at Lucifer.
“I’m going to talk to Gaia. I’ll see you later.”
As God walked away, Lucifer thumped his palm into his forehead. God was in a mood again, and storm clouds were clearly brewing. Oh dear. This was not good. Not good at all.
You know, this one chapter says a LOT about me. Perhaps I should be afraid, or disturbed…? Meh.
That... that was bad, like a very bad thing. This should be a lesson never to comment on my own orignal works ever again, but knowing me, I'll turn out to be a slow learner. *wince* Anyway. That was entirely lacking in point.
Also, chapter 2 of AMTL is up. And... something. I forgot what I was going to say. Oh yeah. Nobody's around and I'm bored. Mari is back from Japan, which is all rockin'. And I have to go stationary shopping tomorrow. Joy of joys.
And have finished chapter 5 of AMTL. Should maybe do something about that. *stares blankly at screen* Eh, whatever.
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Date: 2004-01-27 01:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-27 01:49 pm (UTC)Now, what was I saying? Oh yes. That was really quite bad, but hopefully amusingly so. Have more AMTL, if you do be interested. Ooh! And, go here! Specifically, to the Imp mention. *grin*
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ponderstibbons/42245.html
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Date: 2004-01-27 07:36 pm (UTC)Also, I saw that but didn't get a chance to reply. There'll be something by the time you're awake, fret not. XD
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Date: 2004-01-28 12:42 am (UTC)Ok, I'll convert it to HTML and send it now, then. Er- chapter 3 was only half done when I sent it to you before, I think.