I can't believe it's all coming to an end.

[tammaiya]

10 years ago I:
- was seven years old and in my last year at Saint Beads
- was being picked on by everyone in my grade
- had dark brown hair in two plaits

5 years ago I:
- was in my first year of high school
- wasn't doing very well in school
- thought I had a lot of work but didn't really know what the word even MEANT
- was being picked on by a particular girl on my grade
- was in colour group Orange

1 year ago I:
- was in my first year of college
- was struggling to keep up with the increased workload
- was depressed
- was constantly having breakdowns over my UAI

So far this year I:
- have gotten my first set of straight As ever
- have finally become semi-literate in Japanese
- have finally figured out what I want to do with my life
- resumed my relationship with my girlfriend

Yesterday I:
- stayed up until 1 AM finishing my last piece of history assessment ever
- finished writing one of my Christmas fics
- updated my LJ
- had a year 12 barbeque lunch at school

Today I:
- watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail in history
- had someone be completely horrible to me at work
- started planning my next Christmas fic
- printed off 24 of my fics on the school printer
- cried in my final House Chapel

in 1 year I'll:
- be in my first year of University
- be more literate in Japanese than I am now
- still be in touch with my school friends
- be writing even more than I am now

in 5 years I'll:
- probably be in my last year of university
- have hopefully lived in Japan for a year
- be trying to get published
- speaking Japanese fluently
- still in touch with my friends and still going out with my girlfriend *optomistic!*


As I said in the above meme, today this patient was a complete bitch to me. However I do not want to talk about it anymore, so instead I'll talk about the more interesting aspects of the day. My second last day of school ever is now over; my last piece of history assessment for the rest of my life has been handed in, and I have cried my way through the final house chapel. (You're a lot more likely to cry if you have friends in year 11 SINGING AT YOU and giving you roses, trust me.) Will of course take a box of tissues tomorrow, as I'm not stupid. Lunch was spent printing off over 100 pages of my fics (oh, how productive it made me feel, particularly since this didn't include WiPs, 23 fics I printed a few months ago or my angel stories) in the company of Ashie and Yuka. That was fun! I went a bit insane and starting singing jingle bells and deck the halls. I think I scared juniors. *glee* Didn't finish my IT assignment, which is actually due tomorrow. Said IT assignment is in fact a piece of SHIT. Repeat to self: You are not counting IT. It's okay. Really.

I can't believe my last day of school is tomorrow. I mean, I know I'm sick of everything, but... Oh, God I'm afraid. And a bit depressed. I hate change, and now... it's not just school. The thing is, my entire life is structured around certain constants: I have been friends with Victoria and Mari and Jen for 10 years. I see them at lunch on every school day. Mari and I have been going to each others' houses every Friday after school for 6 years. I've been working on a structured 2-week timetable with incredibly diverse subjects for six years. I have had lunch and recess breaks for 13 years. I've been going to maths coaching for 4 years. I know and like many of the teachers around the school; Heidi-sensei has been teaching me Japanese for almost 3 years and I consider her a friend. I'm. I'm not going to see my friends all the time. I've been going to Girls Grammar for 10 years. I've been at the senior campus for 6. Many girls I think of as friends who I'm not very close with I may never see again, at least not for a very long time. I...

I'm scared.

Comments

[yakalskovich]

Congratulations! Of course, it's sad as well, but generally it means you've made it! Done it! Are through with it!

And: no history assignments ever again! Does that mean the discworld_rpg now has a chance to get Ade back?

*evil grin*

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

He'll make some brief appearances, definitely. However, I don't know how often, as I make rash promises about doing NaNoWriMo-like things in January and writing Christmas fics in December, so I'll probably be writing like a mad scribble-beaver for the whole holidays. *sweatdrop*

[yakalskovich]

YAY FOR ADE!!!! Even if it's just occasional brief appearances.

*does happy dance*

I think it's a pity how much of the Old School are no longer there, their minds either consigned to school work, the Crackbar, or a combination of both.

[minkhollow]

It's scary, yeah, but it's worth it. You get to go do more cool stuff now!
::hugs:: Don't panic. You'll be fine.

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

Thanks. <3

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

It's normal to be scared of change *hugs* I hope everything will be all right for you. It can be so exciting too !

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

Thank you! ^^ *hug*

[choffman.livejournal.com]

Not to sound harsh, but I honestly have to disagree with everyone else here, being afraid of graduating; that's just... kinda stupid. Word to the wise: things don't actually change once you're out of highschool. You find a job or continue going to school- and it's just a new, highly structured, safe, idiotic routine. You don't suddenly lose contact with your friends, "lunch break" just becomes the weekends - which, albeit, are indeed less frequent, but you are no longer required to interact with the rest of the human filth to spend time with them. (unless you all decide you like clubbing, in which case, you are highly different creatures than me and mine)

Don't worry. Once you get over the idea that being out of school suddenly gives you any semblance of actual freedom, I'm sure you'll be doing just fine.

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

Hee! I do understand what you're saying, and I agree, for the most part... but the problem is that I really have trouble making and keeping social engagements. I don't like the phone, and I don't go out often, so if my friends aren't on the net and I don't see them at school, I often don't talk to them for months at a time. It's something I find really annoying about myself, and I'm trying to get over it, but yes. >