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tammaiyaLife is pointless. Completely, utterly pointless. Or it is for me. I'm like an automated drone, with my mind imprisoned in the back and unable to do anything but curl into a fetal position and weep. Hideously, involving crystalline fucking tears.
What's the point? All I do is go to school, eat, sleep, go to all my commitments and read awful man pr0n. And the last part is disproportionately large compared to the other actions. It's decaying my mind, and it's all so FUTILE.
I mean, bloody smeggin' hell. I always tell myself that I'll do something productive when I have the damn TIME, but when is THAT going to happen? We're talking blue moons here, people. Holidays is the most time I'll ever have for the rest of my life, excluding retirement. And that doesn't count. There'll be less and less time as the years go by, and they'll go by faster and FASTER. When I finish school, there'll be Uni. When I finish that, there'll be work. And work will consume the rest of MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE. I'll become like my parents- all I'll do ever is watch tv like a mindless machine even when there's NOTHING ON. Except in my case, it'll be reading crappy man pr0n on the internet.
Oh wait. That's me ALREADY.
And I keep telling myself that I'll work when it matters, that I'll apply myself when it counts. Well, it friggin' COUNTS already, but I don't seem to wanna wake up to smell the bleeding coffee! I'm going to be mediocre for the rest of my life, despite the fact I could do so much better, just because I am PSYCHOLOGICALLY GODDAMN INCAPABLE of dedicating my entire attention to ANYTHING. EVER.
I hate me. I'm a horrible person who is anti-social, lazy, incapable of functioning as a human being and futureless.
And I'm going to be depressed for the rest of my life. I always have been, I always am, and I always will be, forever and ever amen. There is no hope. Brief moments of happiness surface, and then I sink back into my eternal pathetic state of total apathy.
Did you know that it's possible to die through inaction? I didn't until my parents told me so. I have a new dream in life.
Did I say new? I meant 'ONLY'.
And where's the fucking angst music when you bloody well need it? All my mp3s are either disgustingly cheerful, angry, or they're Brick. Which I've already listened to 5 million times when writing yesterday.
Blah. Disgusted with life and world in general.
And I have too much history. None of which I've done. Feh.
What's the point? All I do is go to school, eat, sleep, go to all my commitments and read awful man pr0n. And the last part is disproportionately large compared to the other actions. It's decaying my mind, and it's all so FUTILE.
I mean, bloody smeggin' hell. I always tell myself that I'll do something productive when I have the damn TIME, but when is THAT going to happen? We're talking blue moons here, people. Holidays is the most time I'll ever have for the rest of my life, excluding retirement. And that doesn't count. There'll be less and less time as the years go by, and they'll go by faster and FASTER. When I finish school, there'll be Uni. When I finish that, there'll be work. And work will consume the rest of MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE. I'll become like my parents- all I'll do ever is watch tv like a mindless machine even when there's NOTHING ON. Except in my case, it'll be reading crappy man pr0n on the internet.
Oh wait. That's me ALREADY.
And I keep telling myself that I'll work when it matters, that I'll apply myself when it counts. Well, it friggin' COUNTS already, but I don't seem to wanna wake up to smell the bleeding coffee! I'm going to be mediocre for the rest of my life, despite the fact I could do so much better, just because I am PSYCHOLOGICALLY GODDAMN INCAPABLE of dedicating my entire attention to ANYTHING. EVER.
I hate me. I'm a horrible person who is anti-social, lazy, incapable of functioning as a human being and futureless.
And I'm going to be depressed for the rest of my life. I always have been, I always am, and I always will be, forever and ever amen. There is no hope. Brief moments of happiness surface, and then I sink back into my eternal pathetic state of total apathy.
Did you know that it's possible to die through inaction? I didn't until my parents told me so. I have a new dream in life.
Did I say new? I meant 'ONLY'.
And where's the fucking angst music when you bloody well need it? All my mp3s are either disgustingly cheerful, angry, or they're Brick. Which I've already listened to 5 million times when writing yesterday.
Blah. Disgusted with life and world in general.
And I have too much history. None of which I've done. Feh.
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no subject
Date: 2003-05-13 06:05 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-05-14 01:45 am (UTC)