Party details
Dec. 18th, 2004 01:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tammaiyaFrar's party was good. Not much else to say about it, only that it was good to see everyone. <3
I don't... I'm not looking forward to Christmas this year. As in, not just that I don't care, that I actively don't want to celebrate it. It's strange. A large part of it is aging, just like birthdays aren't special anymore; on the other hand, part of it is change.
Every year since I was 8, I've stayed at my grandfather's house with my cousins from Brisbane over Christmas Eve. The Eve was a big deal- we'd write a letter to Santa (even though I never believed in him- when I was 4, I used to try staying up and hiding to catch my parents wrapping the presents 'from santa') and leave out a mince tart and scotch (or was it whiskey? I can't remember...) for the jolly man himself and water and carrots on the porch for the reindeer. They'd be gone in the morning, and my grandpa would always write a response to our letter. We'd stay up until midnight, and get up at 6am or earlier- the only day of the year where I voluntarily get out of bed before 9.
We'd open our stockings and compare contents first thing in the morning, and then wait impatiently for the other branches of the family to arrive at 9-10.
I would like to take this opportunity to say that my family was ALWAYS last. Always, from when my brother and sister still stayed at a hotel with my parents right up until when my parents stayed with my siblings at their place in Sydney. I was always ready to throttle them by the time they arrived, because present opening in my family is- was? - always a big production. Grandpa would pick up a present, read out the tag and one of his helpers (ie the grandchildren) would pass it to its recepient. Obviously this did not happen until everyone was there.
Two years ago, I think that was when Christmas started being less special. I fell asleep on Christmas Eve at about 7pm and woke up at... 9? thinking that it was Christmas day. That was kind of funny, actually. Some of my cousins were downstairs where I was asleep, and I just sat up suddenly and went "holy SHIT, it's Christmas!"
To which they responded, "Um, no. Sorry honey. XD"
Last year, my grandfather died. I... it was hard. He was the pillar that kept our extended family together, I guess. I was hoping I'd be able to celebrate one last Christmas with him, because he didn't really get sick until the end of the year, but it didn't happen. I only stayed at my grandfather's house for one night, Christmas Eve. The rest of the time I was at my sibling's house and then my parent's apartment room. (I felt a little like unwanted baggage, or maybe over-loved teddy-bear. Couldn't decide. *sweatdrop*) That Christmas, I also didn't want to be there. But I enjoyed Christmas Eve, in a sad kind of way. Everything was the same, but Grandpa wasn't there. Uncle Chas responded to the letter for us.
Christmas Day... started okay. And then it sucked. I actually wrote about it in my Tasmania journal, intending to post it sometime. I just never bothered to type it up. I should, at some point. I promised Ji.
I always used to feel like I belonged in my family. I mean, I've always been a freak but it didn't MATTER with family. I fit in.
Last Christmas, it was like striking a discordant note. After putting up with being teased by all the adults yet AGAIN about my interest in slash (which was my immediate family's fault, for memory my mother and my sister, for bringing it up), I spent part of the day sitting outside crying and hiding from my cousins. I didn't want to BE there.
I DON'T want to be there.
This year, my grandfather's house was sold; it will be held at my aunt's house, which is smaller and since our family is huge, it will be claustrophobic. THERE WILL BE NOWHERE TO HIDE. I love my cousins, but as I grow more introverted and they remain as boisterous and attention-seeking as always, I get exhausted quickly. My cousin Katie is in America. It's the first Christmas she's missed; she's one of my closest cousins, one I trust enough to tell about my relationship with Mari and things like that. And we'll have to do it all again on Boxing Day, just like we always do. At least I can escape to my sister's house at night. She has a net connection. *offers thanks to whatever deity is responsible for this*
I think I'm going to end up like Scrooge and hate Christmas and go "BAH HUMBUG" at people. ^^;
Anyway... sorry for this ramble. It was probably quite boring, filled with random memories.
I don't... I'm not looking forward to Christmas this year. As in, not just that I don't care, that I actively don't want to celebrate it. It's strange. A large part of it is aging, just like birthdays aren't special anymore; on the other hand, part of it is change.
Every year since I was 8, I've stayed at my grandfather's house with my cousins from Brisbane over Christmas Eve. The Eve was a big deal- we'd write a letter to Santa (even though I never believed in him- when I was 4, I used to try staying up and hiding to catch my parents wrapping the presents 'from santa') and leave out a mince tart and scotch (or was it whiskey? I can't remember...) for the jolly man himself and water and carrots on the porch for the reindeer. They'd be gone in the morning, and my grandpa would always write a response to our letter. We'd stay up until midnight, and get up at 6am or earlier- the only day of the year where I voluntarily get out of bed before 9.
We'd open our stockings and compare contents first thing in the morning, and then wait impatiently for the other branches of the family to arrive at 9-10.
I would like to take this opportunity to say that my family was ALWAYS last. Always, from when my brother and sister still stayed at a hotel with my parents right up until when my parents stayed with my siblings at their place in Sydney. I was always ready to throttle them by the time they arrived, because present opening in my family is- was? - always a big production. Grandpa would pick up a present, read out the tag and one of his helpers (ie the grandchildren) would pass it to its recepient. Obviously this did not happen until everyone was there.
Two years ago, I think that was when Christmas started being less special. I fell asleep on Christmas Eve at about 7pm and woke up at... 9? thinking that it was Christmas day. That was kind of funny, actually. Some of my cousins were downstairs where I was asleep, and I just sat up suddenly and went "holy SHIT, it's Christmas!"
To which they responded, "Um, no. Sorry honey. XD"
Last year, my grandfather died. I... it was hard. He was the pillar that kept our extended family together, I guess. I was hoping I'd be able to celebrate one last Christmas with him, because he didn't really get sick until the end of the year, but it didn't happen. I only stayed at my grandfather's house for one night, Christmas Eve. The rest of the time I was at my sibling's house and then my parent's apartment room. (I felt a little like unwanted baggage, or maybe over-loved teddy-bear. Couldn't decide. *sweatdrop*) That Christmas, I also didn't want to be there. But I enjoyed Christmas Eve, in a sad kind of way. Everything was the same, but Grandpa wasn't there. Uncle Chas responded to the letter for us.
Christmas Day... started okay. And then it sucked. I actually wrote about it in my Tasmania journal, intending to post it sometime. I just never bothered to type it up. I should, at some point. I promised Ji.
I always used to feel like I belonged in my family. I mean, I've always been a freak but it didn't MATTER with family. I fit in.
Last Christmas, it was like striking a discordant note. After putting up with being teased by all the adults yet AGAIN about my interest in slash (which was my immediate family's fault, for memory my mother and my sister, for bringing it up), I spent part of the day sitting outside crying and hiding from my cousins. I didn't want to BE there.
I DON'T want to be there.
This year, my grandfather's house was sold; it will be held at my aunt's house, which is smaller and since our family is huge, it will be claustrophobic. THERE WILL BE NOWHERE TO HIDE. I love my cousins, but as I grow more introverted and they remain as boisterous and attention-seeking as always, I get exhausted quickly. My cousin Katie is in America. It's the first Christmas she's missed; she's one of my closest cousins, one I trust enough to tell about my relationship with Mari and things like that. And we'll have to do it all again on Boxing Day, just like we always do. At least I can escape to my sister's house at night. She has a net connection. *offers thanks to whatever deity is responsible for this*
I think I'm going to end up like Scrooge and hate Christmas and go "BAH HUMBUG" at people. ^^;
Anyway... sorry for this ramble. It was probably quite boring, filled with random memories.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-12-17 11:26 am (UTC)This is Youji-mun. I know you don't know me outside of Milliways (or really inside of it, at that) but I give you hugs anyway.
Also, I offer you Youji/Schuldig slash to make everything better. *nodnod*
Not really, as I havn't written it yet... but the idea is yours for the taking!
Also... when next we're in the bar together we should get Yo-tan drunk and have Schuldig take advantage of him. Because I love my whorish boy *nodnod*
*flees back into lurking*
no subject
Date: 2004-12-17 05:00 pm (UTC)Mmmmmmmmmm, porn. All in favour thereof. XD And I love my whorish boy too! As I once said re: the Schuldig/Youji ship, mansluts unite! ^^ We should make that happen, it would be fun. *has a list of people Schuldig needs to sleep with, which includes Youji*
no subject
Date: 2004-12-17 04:26 pm (UTC)M'dear, you are about fifty gazillion times cuter than Scrooge. Even French Disney Scrooge. And that is saying a lot.
You are never boring.
Maybe you can literally hide in a closet? I have done this. Actually, it used to be a game. My cousins and siblings and I would pile in and try to conjure a ghost. So not hiding. But still.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-17 05:02 pm (UTC)Hm, closet. That would have symbolic irony. *approves*
no subject
Date: 2004-12-17 05:03 pm (UTC)Exaaactly.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-17 06:02 pm (UTC)My avoidance method of choice is to bring books. Lots of books. Some that look educational, so when people look at you scornfully for being antisocial you can tell them you're *learning*.
And you are not boring. Everyone has to put their memories somewhere.
Re: fic link
Date: 2004-12-19 04:14 pm (UTC)