More 30 second summaries!

[tammaiya]

Because I have an hour before my lecture and I'm BORED. Not all my other fics, just the ones I felt like summarising. *g*



Hindsight

Arthur: You know what would really suck?
Arthur: If I were in love with Gwenevere and Lancelot…
Arthur: And my son was in love with me…
Arthur: And they all ended up hating me.
Arthur: … fuck.

Subterfuge

Nokoru: Hey, Suoh…
Suoh: Yes, Kai- Nokoru?
Nokoru: Ever wonder about how oblivious Akira seems to be?
Suoh: …
Akira: *niko niko*
Nokoru: … You are a cruel, cruel person, Akira. *headdesk*

Love

Touya: Love is a many-splendoured thing!
Touya: Love is like oxygen!
Touya: All you need is love!
Touya: *loves Yuki*

Jinxed

Yue: Sorry for intruding in your relationship.
Touya: My non-relationship, you mean?
Yue: It still counts even if Yukito’s dense.
Yue: Should I go?
Touya: No! You’re pretty too!
Touya: Uh, I mean, nice.
Yue: …gotta go, kthxbai!
Touya: Oh well. *snogs Yuki instead*
Sakura: *interrupts*
Touya: I AM CURSED. ;;

Let’s Talk About It

Ponder: It’s like HEX is speaking a whole different language.
Adrian: That’s because he/it is, Ponder.
HEX: +++<333+++
Ponder: I love you too, HEX. <3
Adrian: Hey Ponder, if you’re dating HEX, does that mean I can date Skazz?
Ponder: … Go away, Adrian.

Observation Of The Rituals Of Courtship

Leonard: Did I ever tell you I’m a genius?
Leonard: Who can’t come up with names for shit?
Leonard: By the way, Vetinari and Vimes have SO got something going on.

When Chidder Met Teppic

Chidder: I’m a big bad assassin.
Chidder: Who doesn’t miss his boyfriend or get jealous.
Chidder: Rarr.
Teppic: I love you. <3
Teppic: *is not a big bad assassin*
Chidder: Well, if he’s going to be sappy first… *melts*

An Understanding

Maurice: You know, you really are a very poor excuse for a dog.
Gaspode: Tell me something I don’t know.
Maurice: You’re annoying?
Gaspode: PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE! ;;
Maurice: … Eh, whatever.

No Strings Attached

Reets: Hey, you know what?
Reets: Men suck.
Reets: So does Chastity.
Reets: But in the GOOD way.
Chastity: <3

Sibling Rivalry

Verence: I suck at everything.
Tomjon: But I still love you!
Tomjon: By the way, I’m sekritly very insecure.
Verence: Uh… huh. Since when does brotherly love involve snogging?
Tomjon: *shrug*
Verence: Oh well, I’m not complaining.

Melody

Imp: I wuv oo.
Ade: No, I wuv OO.
Imp: I wuv oo MORE.
Ade: No, I wuv OO more!
Imp: My song, eet eez a masterpiece! I call it “wuv”!
Skazz: At least Ade isn’t biting people’s heads off anymore…

Time

Ponder: Being old sucks.
Student: Hi, can I get more marks if I come onto you?
Ponder: *whacks with cane* Begone! You are not as hot as Adrian!
Adrian: *is dead*
Vic: *is permanently asleep*
Ponder: Life’s not so bad.
Ponder: *dies*
All beta readers: *kill the author*

Silence

Cloud: How the hell did I manage to lose three lovers?
Cloud: No, seriously.
Cloud: My life sucks.
Vincent: …
Cloud: What was that? You want a cup of sex? Okay!
Vincent: …
Cloud: My god! Vincent communicates in silence!
Cloud: I am teh genius.

Fireworks

Yuffie: Cloud, you’re going on a date.
Cloud: Uh, I like you as a friend, but-
Yuffie: With a guy, as you are so flaming there is smoke.
Cloud: …
Yuffie: And that guy is Vincy.
Cloud: WTF.
Vincent: *shrug*
Cloud: You know what would be a great idea? Sex in the gondola ride.
Cloud: And an orgasm that makes me see fireworks.
Cloud: Oh wait, that was just me hitting my head.
Cloud: Never mind.
Vincent: *pays Yuffie*
Yuffie: *… is Cloud’s pimp?*

Cultural Experiences

Duo: So is the octopus a metaphor for life?
Heero: No, Duo, it’s just part of Japanese culture. So eat it.
Duo: … IT WRIGGLES.
Heero: Diddums.
Duo: You know, I hate it when you’re right.
Duo: But I ski you. Die ski even.
Heero: *pained* Please stop murdering my language.
Duo: Snogging now, Japanese lessons later.

Balance Of Power

Sirius: Remus lives in my head.
Sirius: I’d ask someone if I should see a psychiatrist, but James is a prat.
Sirius: I know, let’s snog Remus!
Remus: You’re a lunatic, padfoot.

Push

Takaya: You know what?
Takaya: I’ve changed my mind.
Takaya: Sex now!
Naoe: Why do you torment me so, Kagetora-sama? ;;
Takaya: No, really. SEX NOW.
Naoe: … Oh. Well, in THAT case…

Jealousy

Naoe: Why are you in my room?
Subaru: Because Seishirou is a freak.
Takaya: OMG NAOE, YOU BITCH.
Naoe: Well, if he’s going to accuse me of it anyway. *snogs Subaru*
Subaru: WTF?!
Seishirou: Mine. No touchy or you die.
Subaru: No, wait, I didn’t agree to- okay. <3
Takaya: …
Takaya: You’re still a bitch.
Naoe: Do you want to be snogged or not?
Takaya: Well, when you put it like THAT…

Density

Kousaka: You really are remarkably dense, Kagetora.
Takaya: Oh, fuck off.
Kousaka: To be fair, so is Naoe.
Takaya: I hate you all.
Kousaka: You’re so fun to mess with. *snogs*
Naoe: *does the thing with the timing*
Takaya: … Shit.
Naoe: Mine! RAWR. >F
Takaya: … Okay.

Conspiracy Theories

Mark: Hey, Roger.
Mark: You ever wonder why everyone seems to think we’re gay?
Roger: You’re paranoid.
Benny: So, are you and Mark gay?
Roger: Maybe you’re not paranoid.
Mark: Let’s snog each other to prove we’re not!
Roger: This would be a remarkably bad idea, if only I were sober.
Benny: Can I have Mark’s old room?
Roger: *throws shoe*

Distorted

Hamlet: I could kill you now, but I don’t want you to go to Heaven.
Claudius: That’s what they all say.
Claudius: You know, you’re just as hot as your father was.
Hamlet: … you’re even more fucked up than I thought.
Claudius: I think sex would be a really great idea.
Hamlet: How about NO.
Hamlet: …
Hamlet: Fuck.

Mirror Image

Thom: You know what?
Thom: I look just like a girl when I put on a dress.
Thom: And I have sister issues.
Thom: What’s an Oedipus complex where you’re in love with your sister?
Thom: Wow, I’m really fucked up.

Checkmate

Roger: Let’s play a very euphemistic game of sex. I mean, chess.
Thom: What? Shit, nobody warned me about the euphemistic bit.
Roger: Checkmate!

A Bigger Box

Subaru: Seishirou-san is so nice. Look, he gave me a present!
Subaru: … lined with Sakura petals.
Subaru: Gee, I wonder if Seishirou-san could be evil.
Hokuto: Sakurazukamori! :O
Seishirou: Mwahahaha.
Subaru: … nah.

Grand Plans

Hokuto: What do you mean, what I want to do when I grow up?
Hokuto: Find Subaru a good husband.
Hokuto: Duh.
Sumeragi Mother: Somewhere, I went horribly, horribly wrong.

Confusion

Hokuto: I’m going to leave you two ALOOOONE this Christmas Eve. >D
Subaru: I’m really, really confused.
Seishirou: This is a great time for me to snog you.
Hokuto: OI, NO MOLESTING MY BROTHER WHEN I’M NOT THERE!
Subaru: I think I missed something…

Tokyo Babylon: A Save Fangirls Story (1)

Seishirou: I’m evil.
Seishirou: And I’m coming onto you.
Subaru: Did you say something?
Hokuto: I think he’s trying to tell you he’s evil, Subaru.
Subaru: Oh look, scenery!
Random ghosts: Are you sure he’s not a pedophile?
Subaru: Don’t be silly, Seishirou-san is too nice to be evil. ^_^
Seishirou: Maybe I should invest in neon signs.

The Joys Of Motherhood

Watari: Yay, gender potion!
Tatsumi: … I kill you now.
Watari: Oh, you know you love me really.
Tatsumi: Not after seeing Kanoe as a woman, I don’t.

Musical Chairs

Watari: You know what’s a great idea?
Watari: Throwing a Get Tatsumi Drunk party.
Tsuzuki: Wow, you’re a genius!
Everybody else: *doesn’t want to know*
Muraki: *isn’t invited*
Muraki: *but comes anyway*
Oriya: If you molest anyone but me, you’re sleeping on the couch for a week.
Muraki: :O *behaves*
Tatsumi: *gets drunk*
Watari: Score!

ETA 28/4/05:

Special Relationships

Hinata: TenTen said Neji is gay.
Hinata: Clearly he and Naruto are in love! :O
Wackiness: *ensues*
Female ninjas: *slash everyone ever*
TenTen: *thinks everyone is hot*
Neji: *is not in love with Naruto*
Hinata: *sets him up on blind dates*
Kakashi: *is a freak*
Konoha: *is very gay?*

Deadly Sins

Orochimaru: *is a bastard*
Kakashi: *likes trashy romance*
Naruto: *loses all respect*
Neji: *gets over himself*
Shikamaru: *is really very amazingly lazy*
Chouji: *eats*
Sasuke: DIE, BROTHER! >F *has one-track mind, and unfortunately not in the good gutter sense*
Sakura: Woez, Sasuke loves Naruto more than he loves me. ;;
Naruto: *is completely, utterly, ridiculously and canonically in love with Sasuke*

Growing Up

Muraki: I want to be a doctor.
Oriya: Really? I want to own the family brothel.
Muraki: ...
Muraki: Oh well.
Muraki: *is a psychopath*

Hickory Dickory

Heimdall's clock: *ticks*
Heimdall: I hate my clock.
Loki: Yeah, okay, but why do you hate ME?
Heimdall: ...
Heimdall: Go away.
Loki: No, I'd rather be irritating and subtextual.
Loki: *is annoying*
Clock: *is even MORE annoying*
Heimdall: FUCK I HATE THAT CLOCK.

ETA 30/4/05:

Boredom

Schuldig: I'm booooooored.
Crawford: WHY ARE YOU IN MY ROOM.
Schuldig: Because I'm a very naughty boy and I want you to tie me up and spank me?
Crawford: *doesn't take the hint*
Schuldig: *wants a divorce*

A Weiss Christmas

Ken: *is really amazingly childish*
Ken: *likes ice cream*
Ken: *likes soccer, too*
Omi: *is a lot more evil than he looks*
Youji: *is just as evil as he looks*
Aya: *is a jealous bastard*
Mistletoe: *is convenient*
Sap: *overwhelms*
Author: *shudders*

World War III

Schuldig: *is sulky mcsulkerton*
Crawford: *is fed up*
Nagi: *runs for the hills!*
Farfarello: *is sekritly laughing at them all*
Crawford and Schuldig: *yell*
Farfarello: Sexual tension hurts my ears.
Farfarello: ... So does the sound of those two having hot dirty sex in the kitchen.
Nagi: You mean they're not killing each other?
Nagi: ...
Nagi: AUGH MY VIRGIN EARS.

Comments

[minkhollow]

Hee. Thanks muchly, I really needed that laugh.
(Gonna have to reread "Conspiracy Theory" at some point...)

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

And I needed a way to procrastinate, so we all win!

I mean, uh... *g*

[fahye.livejournal.com]

Chidder: Rarr.

*cackles*

*uses appropriate icon*

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

Speaking of which, did you ever finish YOUR Chidder/Teppic?

[sakanagi.livejournal.com]

XD

The summary for 'Love' scares me. Touya saying those things...(*shudder*) Anyway, the MoB and Tokyo Babylon/X summaries are hilarious.

The line 'Mine. No touchy or you die.' from the summary for 'Jealousy' is so...apt. ^^

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

It is a bit scary, huh. XD

Thanks. *g*

[schiarire.livejournal.com]

*FUCKING DIES*

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

>D

I get the TAPIR-SLAPPING!NINJA! Booya. *g*

[terr0rflare.livejournal.com]

Cloud: How the hell did I manage to lose three lovers?
Cloud: No, seriously.
Cloud: My life sucks.
Vincent: …
Cloud: What was that? You want a cup of sex? Okay!
Vincent: …
Cloud: My god! Vincent communicates in silence!
Cloud: I am teh genius.

Yuffie: Cloud, you’re going on a date.
Cloud: Uh, I like you as a friend, but-
Yuffie: With a guy, as you are so flaming there is smoke.
Cloud: …
Yuffie: And that guy is Vincy.
Cloud: WTF.
Vincent: *shrug*
Cloud: You know what would be a great idea? Sex in the gondola ride.
Cloud: And an orgasm that makes me see fireworks.
Cloud: Oh wait, that was just me hitting my head.
Cloud: Never mind.
Vincent: *pays Yuffie*
Yuffie: *… is Cloud’s pimp?*

XDDD!!!!!! <333

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

*smug grin*

*squeals*

[misura.livejournal.com]

I absolutely loved the ones for Tokyo Babylon and Discworld. ^___^

I'm sure I'd love the other ones too, if I knew their fandoms, but I don't, so ... yeah. I probably shout get out more. Or would that be: go out *less* and watch more anime?

... is it just me, or does nearly every fic of yours revolve around sex?

Re: *squeals*

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

Thank yooooou!

Haha, yes, watching more anime is always good!

Er... that might just be the summaries. XD *has a one track mind*

[r-monstrum.livejournal.com]

I shall get around to reading them all soon ... I just ... need to let my sister go on for a little while ... *snarls at sister* ... *walks away sulking*

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

*giggle* It's at times like these that I'm glad my siblings live interstate. The X ones are in the post before. ^^