More Mirage of Blaze spam
Jul. 4th, 2007 11:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tammaiyaSo I just went and finished saiai no anata-e and I feel the need to spam about it, particularly about how much more sense the book makes than the anime!
Having finished reading the book, Naoe snapping is actually handled quite badly by the anime. In fact, it's almost completely different, aside from Naoe's line about being Kagetora's crazy dog.
For a start, the apparent trigger in the anime for Naoe flipping out was Takaya waking up from a dream about Minako and asking Naoe about it, which I have to say never really made much sense to me. By contrast, in the books, Takaya had that dream back at the beginning of book 5 when he was travelling with Chiaki, and he doesn't bring it up with anyone. Also, he already kind of knows about Minako-- not the gory details, but he knows that there was an Incident care of a conversation with Hariue in book 3 (book 3 and 4 were cut from the anime entirely, which is a pity because they have a good plot, extra Kousaka and Yuzuru, and an explanation of how Takaya learned to use his powers).
So if Naoe doesn't freak when Takaya wakes up from this dream, what DOES happen? Well, including the stuff I talked about in the last post, like Takaya's insecurity and gigantic obvious crush on Naoe followed by the master/servant smack down thing, there's a bunch of lead up stuff that the anime cut. Very significantly, from what I recall, they COMPLETELY cut the case Naoe and Takaya get caught up in while in Uoza, which involves one of Oda's general and the vengeful ghost of the lover he killed out of jealousy. Obviously, the parallels between Narimasa and himself affect Naoe greatly.
The final straw, though, comes at the end of the battle scene where Narimasa lets himself be killed by Sayuri's ghost and she is able to move on without being exorcised, having forgiven him once she's taken her revenge. Narimasa dies happy, having been forgiven and now being able to be at peace following Sayuri. Having witnessed that, Takaya makes Naoe promise him that he won't let what happened to Narimasa happen to him, that he won't let anyone kill him, because Takaya doesn't like this kind of resolution. If you're dead, he says, you can't work it out.
Naoe says that he won't let anyone kill him until Takaya does, which is about as good as admitting his feelings, so it seems, because Takaya goes back to the hotel while Naoe's still cleaning things up and they're both freaked out about facing each other again afterwards. Naoe half expects Takaya to have left without him when he goes back to the hotel, and Takaya is in so much turmoil that doesn't answer the door until Naoe's about to leave.
As for the scene that follows... Naoe is actually a lot less insane. I mean, his POV in previous scenes has been very "SEEK HELP, NAOE", but he's been fighting against it, and he's still fighting against it now. He basically decides that before his own insanity gets the better of him and he hurts Kagetora again, he has to make sure that can't happen. They have a conversation which I'll translate below, Naoe kisses Takaya (no slamming into walls involved), Takaya freezes up and tells him to stop, Naoe kisses Takaya again and walks away leaving Takaya in the hotel room.
BIG difference from aggressive Naoe and struggling Takaya running away from him. All in all, it has a lot sadder atmosphere and is way more poignant.
But okay, I couldn't resist, so here's a translation of the hotel scene, starting from p124.
When Naoe returned to the hotel, it was past four in the afternoon. Takaya had returned earlier. Takaya...
They haven't really had a proper conversation since. After that, Takaya had been silent and dazed. Maybe he had been entirely unable to comprehend the meaning of Naoe's actions. Or rather, maybe even in trying to understand, commonsense morals had prevented him, and he had subconsciously rejected it. Not without reason, either.
Speaking of being scared, Takaya's reaction scares him.
Naoe thought perhaps, in the time he had been gone, Takaya had left the hotel and returned by himself to Matsumoto, but when he asked at the front desk, apparently Takaya was still in his room. Relieved for the moment, Naoe headed towards the room. However...
(I don't know what face I should meet him with...)
Stopping outside the room, about to knock, Naoe hesitated.
How were his own actions being considered? Something like fear crosses the back of his mind. Talking of things done in haste, why didn't logic stop such an impulse?
Bitter thoughts torture his heart.
(Whichever I do, I can no longer cancel it...)
Resolving himself, he quietly fixes in place his well worn mask of blankness and knocks on the door to see Takaya.
There's no sense that Takaya is about to emerge. He knocked several times, but the door doesn't open. It appears Takaya is definitely inside, but thinking that maybe Takaya doesn't intend to see him, Naoe stops knocking.
He can sense Takaya standing on the other side of the door.
He's there. But he's hesitating to open the door. No, perhaps it's that Takaya himself doesn't know what face to meet Naoe with.
Telling himself that it was okay if it didn't open, Naoe called through the door.
"I've safely finished the cleanup. Narimasa's body is in the custody of the hospital. I think there'll be an autopsy after this. There may be some trouble with identification, but I think it's best to leave that to the police."
Takaya, inside the room, does not answer. The silence becomes a wordless blade, wounding Naoe's heart. Shielding himself with a wall of logic, Naoe reported in a unconcerned and dutiful manner.
"I was intending to leave here after this and head over to do reconnaissance towards Noto, but... what are you going to do?"
Even when questioned, Takaya doesn't answer. Taking the silence with a blank expression, Naoe responded.
"... I'll leave some money at the front desk for your return travel expenses. I apologise for bothering you."
With those words, Naoe turned to leave. There was the sound of the lock turning, and the door opened.
Remembering his nervousness, Naoe widens his eyes. Takaya looks up at him.
"... Are you going to run away?"
Subtly, Naoe's shoulders started to shake. He feels as though his heart has been seen through.
But he stops shaking.
"I could say the same to you..."
With a calm appearance, he asks,
"Doesn't it scare you, to stay beside a person such as I?"
Takaya narrows his eyes, fixing his gaze on Naoe. Naoe's perfectly blank expression doesn't crumble. In the midst of the silence, Takaya is serious in his attempt to search within Naoe's heart. However, before he could be found out, Naoe quickly lowered his eyes and scoffed.
"It's pointless. There's no convenient answer for you inside of me."
"......."
"You misunderstood something."
"What?"
"You're doing your best to try and erase what I've done using a peaceful method... Treating me with that kind of consideration is mistaken."
Takaya catches his breath and stares. With a cool smile, Naoe tells him challengingly,
"Right now, I'm thinking about what I want to do. ... To you, do you understand?"
"......."
Takaya's eyes spark gradually with anger. I want to watch that change to hatred, Naoe thinks. Squeezing out a breath, Takaya questions him cautiously.
"-- What the hell kind of person are you...?"
Caught up in a gaze that should be stifling, Naoe instead feels pleasure. Th struggle against his body is much more relentless, he thinks, and before long, a masochistic smile cuts across his lips.
"I'm your "dog"."
"......."
"Your "mad dog"."
Takaya shudders at Naoe's piercing gaze, frozen still. It's that coldness. That cruelness, seemingly self-wounding and self-loathing and peculiar to him, is here now.
Takaya doesn't understand why his clenched fists are shaking the way they are. He can't distinguish the feelings welling up in him. He doesn't know what or how to comprehend.
Takaya doesn't understand that hatred is infinitely close to love. Unable to respond to Naoe's words, all Takaya can do is stand frozen still with an angry expression.
(I won't send you home alone.)
He has absolutely no intention of returning. Naoe looked at the frozen, speechless Takaya with pity.
(I have no choice but to bring an end to this...)
He can see nothing but their downfall.
Repeating the same mistakes over and over, he can see nothing but their downfall at the end.
I will betray you with this love. If I kill these feelings, I won't be able to go on living.
Rather, it would be easier were he restrained.
If I could kneel down and accept defeat, indicating my submission, I wonder, would you kill me with a triumphant scornful laugh?
Facing the cruelness of your true character, throwing away kindness,
The humiliation of submission would change to pleasure---.
My only dictator...
(I'll end this...)
In his heart, flowing with madness, he uses all his strength to support himself. Praying silently to himself, Naoe squeezes his eyes shut.
All he can do is kill it off. Within himself... if he does it now, he can stop this madness. If it's now, it'll still be in time. If he doesn't want to return to it...
Kill it off, everything, here and now.
"......!"
Something unexpected happened. Naoe gasped, staring. Takaya's eyes, fixed directly on him, began to overflow with tears.
"Kagetora-sama..."
Takaya doesn't try to hide his tears. Biting his lip desperately, clenching his fists, he scowls at Naoe as if in earnest appeal.
With a snap, the last of Naoe's kindness crumbles within him. His love goes beyond forgiveness. Naoe loves him so much he can't breath. Hating him and hating him, Naoe surpasses the hatred and loves him so much it drives him crazy...
Reaching out his left arm as if in guidance, Naoe lifted Takaya's chin and traced his lips with his index finger. Takaya tries futilely to turn his head and break away. Naoe crushed his lips down forcefully.
"....."
He persisted with the kiss, single-minded to the point where it saddened him. Even so, Takaya escaped from Naoe's lips and gasped desperately for breath.
"Stop... it..."
Naoe once more interrupting the half-spoken words with his lips, frantic resistance was tragically sealed off. Gradually, it was reaching the point where he couldn't forcibly brake his swelling feelings. Against the force of his own confused thoughts, Takaya closed his eyes as if in endurance, tears continuing to flow.
His lips finally released, Takaya's body stays frozen, still pained, eyes squeezed tightly shut.
Naoe looks down at him silently. With pain, he shoots down the impulse to scream with the gun of logic. Ruthlessly cutting down all the thoughts that well up, slowly watching his beloved, Naoe spoke in a murmur.
"It's a lie..."
"......."
As if handing down his own decision...
"My thoughts until now, they've all been a lie..."
Tears flow down his cheeks. Takaya opens his eyes wide. Seeing Naoe's tears for the first time, Takaya's chest tightens. Why? Wondering why is something he can't do yet. Heartbroken at the decision he himself handed down and depressed even as he smiles, Naoe, parting from Takaya, turned on his heel and started to walk away.
He didn't turn back.
He had to bring this to an end already.
Bury the unfulfilled emotions deep in his heart.
If he can't adandon himself to ruin either, rather than be dead... he'll keep on living.
It falls quiet.
Watching after Naoe's back from the doorway, standing frozen still, Takaya slowly turned around and looked out the window. Rain had started to fall.
Holding his breath, watching the smoky evening city, he curls his hands tightly into fists.
Chewing his lip fixedly, at his wits end, Takaya began to shake.
-- END
Having finished reading the book, Naoe snapping is actually handled quite badly by the anime. In fact, it's almost completely different, aside from Naoe's line about being Kagetora's crazy dog.
For a start, the apparent trigger in the anime for Naoe flipping out was Takaya waking up from a dream about Minako and asking Naoe about it, which I have to say never really made much sense to me. By contrast, in the books, Takaya had that dream back at the beginning of book 5 when he was travelling with Chiaki, and he doesn't bring it up with anyone. Also, he already kind of knows about Minako-- not the gory details, but he knows that there was an Incident care of a conversation with Hariue in book 3 (book 3 and 4 were cut from the anime entirely, which is a pity because they have a good plot, extra Kousaka and Yuzuru, and an explanation of how Takaya learned to use his powers).
So if Naoe doesn't freak when Takaya wakes up from this dream, what DOES happen? Well, including the stuff I talked about in the last post, like Takaya's insecurity and gigantic obvious crush on Naoe followed by the master/servant smack down thing, there's a bunch of lead up stuff that the anime cut. Very significantly, from what I recall, they COMPLETELY cut the case Naoe and Takaya get caught up in while in Uoza, which involves one of Oda's general and the vengeful ghost of the lover he killed out of jealousy. Obviously, the parallels between Narimasa and himself affect Naoe greatly.
The final straw, though, comes at the end of the battle scene where Narimasa lets himself be killed by Sayuri's ghost and she is able to move on without being exorcised, having forgiven him once she's taken her revenge. Narimasa dies happy, having been forgiven and now being able to be at peace following Sayuri. Having witnessed that, Takaya makes Naoe promise him that he won't let what happened to Narimasa happen to him, that he won't let anyone kill him, because Takaya doesn't like this kind of resolution. If you're dead, he says, you can't work it out.
Naoe says that he won't let anyone kill him until Takaya does, which is about as good as admitting his feelings, so it seems, because Takaya goes back to the hotel while Naoe's still cleaning things up and they're both freaked out about facing each other again afterwards. Naoe half expects Takaya to have left without him when he goes back to the hotel, and Takaya is in so much turmoil that doesn't answer the door until Naoe's about to leave.
As for the scene that follows... Naoe is actually a lot less insane. I mean, his POV in previous scenes has been very "SEEK HELP, NAOE", but he's been fighting against it, and he's still fighting against it now. He basically decides that before his own insanity gets the better of him and he hurts Kagetora again, he has to make sure that can't happen. They have a conversation which I'll translate below, Naoe kisses Takaya (no slamming into walls involved), Takaya freezes up and tells him to stop, Naoe kisses Takaya again and walks away leaving Takaya in the hotel room.
BIG difference from aggressive Naoe and struggling Takaya running away from him. All in all, it has a lot sadder atmosphere and is way more poignant.
But okay, I couldn't resist, so here's a translation of the hotel scene, starting from p124.
When Naoe returned to the hotel, it was past four in the afternoon. Takaya had returned earlier. Takaya...
They haven't really had a proper conversation since. After that, Takaya had been silent and dazed. Maybe he had been entirely unable to comprehend the meaning of Naoe's actions. Or rather, maybe even in trying to understand, commonsense morals had prevented him, and he had subconsciously rejected it. Not without reason, either.
Speaking of being scared, Takaya's reaction scares him.
Naoe thought perhaps, in the time he had been gone, Takaya had left the hotel and returned by himself to Matsumoto, but when he asked at the front desk, apparently Takaya was still in his room. Relieved for the moment, Naoe headed towards the room. However...
(I don't know what face I should meet him with...)
Stopping outside the room, about to knock, Naoe hesitated.
How were his own actions being considered? Something like fear crosses the back of his mind. Talking of things done in haste, why didn't logic stop such an impulse?
Bitter thoughts torture his heart.
(Whichever I do, I can no longer cancel it...)
Resolving himself, he quietly fixes in place his well worn mask of blankness and knocks on the door to see Takaya.
There's no sense that Takaya is about to emerge. He knocked several times, but the door doesn't open. It appears Takaya is definitely inside, but thinking that maybe Takaya doesn't intend to see him, Naoe stops knocking.
He can sense Takaya standing on the other side of the door.
He's there. But he's hesitating to open the door. No, perhaps it's that Takaya himself doesn't know what face to meet Naoe with.
Telling himself that it was okay if it didn't open, Naoe called through the door.
"I've safely finished the cleanup. Narimasa's body is in the custody of the hospital. I think there'll be an autopsy after this. There may be some trouble with identification, but I think it's best to leave that to the police."
Takaya, inside the room, does not answer. The silence becomes a wordless blade, wounding Naoe's heart. Shielding himself with a wall of logic, Naoe reported in a unconcerned and dutiful manner.
"I was intending to leave here after this and head over to do reconnaissance towards Noto, but... what are you going to do?"
Even when questioned, Takaya doesn't answer. Taking the silence with a blank expression, Naoe responded.
"... I'll leave some money at the front desk for your return travel expenses. I apologise for bothering you."
With those words, Naoe turned to leave. There was the sound of the lock turning, and the door opened.
Remembering his nervousness, Naoe widens his eyes. Takaya looks up at him.
"... Are you going to run away?"
Subtly, Naoe's shoulders started to shake. He feels as though his heart has been seen through.
But he stops shaking.
"I could say the same to you..."
With a calm appearance, he asks,
"Doesn't it scare you, to stay beside a person such as I?"
Takaya narrows his eyes, fixing his gaze on Naoe. Naoe's perfectly blank expression doesn't crumble. In the midst of the silence, Takaya is serious in his attempt to search within Naoe's heart. However, before he could be found out, Naoe quickly lowered his eyes and scoffed.
"It's pointless. There's no convenient answer for you inside of me."
"......."
"You misunderstood something."
"What?"
"You're doing your best to try and erase what I've done using a peaceful method... Treating me with that kind of consideration is mistaken."
Takaya catches his breath and stares. With a cool smile, Naoe tells him challengingly,
"Right now, I'm thinking about what I want to do. ... To you, do you understand?"
"......."
Takaya's eyes spark gradually with anger. I want to watch that change to hatred, Naoe thinks. Squeezing out a breath, Takaya questions him cautiously.
"-- What the hell kind of person are you...?"
Caught up in a gaze that should be stifling, Naoe instead feels pleasure. Th struggle against his body is much more relentless, he thinks, and before long, a masochistic smile cuts across his lips.
"I'm your "dog"."
"......."
"Your "mad dog"."
Takaya shudders at Naoe's piercing gaze, frozen still. It's that coldness. That cruelness, seemingly self-wounding and self-loathing and peculiar to him, is here now.
Takaya doesn't understand why his clenched fists are shaking the way they are. He can't distinguish the feelings welling up in him. He doesn't know what or how to comprehend.
Takaya doesn't understand that hatred is infinitely close to love. Unable to respond to Naoe's words, all Takaya can do is stand frozen still with an angry expression.
(I won't send you home alone.)
He has absolutely no intention of returning. Naoe looked at the frozen, speechless Takaya with pity.
(I have no choice but to bring an end to this...)
He can see nothing but their downfall.
Repeating the same mistakes over and over, he can see nothing but their downfall at the end.
I will betray you with this love. If I kill these feelings, I won't be able to go on living.
Rather, it would be easier were he restrained.
If I could kneel down and accept defeat, indicating my submission, I wonder, would you kill me with a triumphant scornful laugh?
Facing the cruelness of your true character, throwing away kindness,
The humiliation of submission would change to pleasure---.
My only dictator...
(I'll end this...)
In his heart, flowing with madness, he uses all his strength to support himself. Praying silently to himself, Naoe squeezes his eyes shut.
All he can do is kill it off. Within himself... if he does it now, he can stop this madness. If it's now, it'll still be in time. If he doesn't want to return to it...
Kill it off, everything, here and now.
"......!"
Something unexpected happened. Naoe gasped, staring. Takaya's eyes, fixed directly on him, began to overflow with tears.
"Kagetora-sama..."
Takaya doesn't try to hide his tears. Biting his lip desperately, clenching his fists, he scowls at Naoe as if in earnest appeal.
With a snap, the last of Naoe's kindness crumbles within him. His love goes beyond forgiveness. Naoe loves him so much he can't breath. Hating him and hating him, Naoe surpasses the hatred and loves him so much it drives him crazy...
Reaching out his left arm as if in guidance, Naoe lifted Takaya's chin and traced his lips with his index finger. Takaya tries futilely to turn his head and break away. Naoe crushed his lips down forcefully.
"....."
He persisted with the kiss, single-minded to the point where it saddened him. Even so, Takaya escaped from Naoe's lips and gasped desperately for breath.
"Stop... it..."
Naoe once more interrupting the half-spoken words with his lips, frantic resistance was tragically sealed off. Gradually, it was reaching the point where he couldn't forcibly brake his swelling feelings. Against the force of his own confused thoughts, Takaya closed his eyes as if in endurance, tears continuing to flow.
His lips finally released, Takaya's body stays frozen, still pained, eyes squeezed tightly shut.
Naoe looks down at him silently. With pain, he shoots down the impulse to scream with the gun of logic. Ruthlessly cutting down all the thoughts that well up, slowly watching his beloved, Naoe spoke in a murmur.
"It's a lie..."
"......."
As if handing down his own decision...
"My thoughts until now, they've all been a lie..."
Tears flow down his cheeks. Takaya opens his eyes wide. Seeing Naoe's tears for the first time, Takaya's chest tightens. Why? Wondering why is something he can't do yet. Heartbroken at the decision he himself handed down and depressed even as he smiles, Naoe, parting from Takaya, turned on his heel and started to walk away.
He didn't turn back.
He had to bring this to an end already.
Bury the unfulfilled emotions deep in his heart.
If he can't adandon himself to ruin either, rather than be dead... he'll keep on living.
It falls quiet.
Watching after Naoe's back from the doorway, standing frozen still, Takaya slowly turned around and looked out the window. Rain had started to fall.
Holding his breath, watching the smoky evening city, he curls his hands tightly into fists.
Chewing his lip fixedly, at his wits end, Takaya began to shake.
-- END
