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tammaiyaNOTE: LJ was being pissy and wouldn't post this when I actually wrote it. It's from Saturday 14 July, and I only just realised it didn't post properly. COUGH. <<
Tired fwaaargh. Today I went to the computer fair and bought a spindle of DVDs and a USB game controller for my computer. I am bad at resisting temptation but it was only $20 and it's shaped like a PS controller and is seriously the most awesome thing ever. I tried it. It works with my GBA and SNES emulators and I almost expired of happiness on the spot.
I saw Spiderman 3 at Film Group for the first time tonight and all I have to say is, I kept having moments where I was like "I'm sure I read this in a Smallville fic" and also, there was just this huge chunk where it felt like Peter and Harry were channelling Sora and Riku and I basically rolled around and cackled with insane laughter. Chalk another one up for inadvisable KH fusions I am so not writing!
I have to wonder why I am awake, as it is past 4, we're going to Yum Cha tomorrow at like, 12.30, and uni goes back on Monday. Well, actually I have a tour guide thing on Monday for which I'm missing class but either way I'd be starting at 9am so the point holds: WHY AM I AWAKE?
In any event, have some more Mirage summary. This goes to the end of book 6 and is mostly from Takaya's POV. (On that note, I am about 50 pages from the end of book 7. If book 8 doesn't show up on Monday, I will be SO PISSED.)
So, back to Takaya, who we left being picked up by Random Man on the streets of Tokyo, drunk, beaten up and miserable. He wakes up in a hotel with no idea where he is or what happened and Random Man (hereafter RM) asks him if he's sobered up yet. He's with it enough to feel wary, and I myself am now feeling like "okay, this is just a LITTLE BIT CREEPY."
RM tells Takaya he shouldn't smoke, because it's bad for him, and while Takaya is all, wtf? RM gets him mineral water from the mini bar. Takaya is starting to feel a little "............" and RM tells him it's okay, you can leave whenever you like.
Me: ... Somehow, I am not getting that vibe. All I am getting is the DO NOT WANT vibe.
Anyway, RM asks about who the cigarettes belong to-- a friend? and the following exchange, in which Takaya needs hugs more than ever (preferably from Naoe, and not from RM), takes place.
T: Friend--....
T: *bitter smile* No. We're not friends.
RM: What, then?
T: *doesn't know* (My retainer...? No, that's what Naoe is to Kagetora, not to Ougi Takaya.) ..................
RM: But, it's an important person.
T: Important? *startled*
T: He's not important. It's not like it matters at all to me if he's not here, it doesn't bother me at all. I just hang around after him--
RM: ........
T: ... I just let myself get used.
T: *laugh* That's right. I'm just getting used, that's all. I'm just being used by them.
RM: What happened?
T: I got stupid all of a sudden. No matter how much I think it through, there's nothing I can do. There's no meaning to me thinking, right?
RM: ........
T: The one he thinks is necessary, it isn't me. It's Kagetora, right? What he said, what he did, it was all what he wanted to do for Kagetora, right? He's just treating me as a substitute for Kagetora, isn't that it? I'm such an idiot. I'm so much of an idiot that it makes me mad.
T: *possibly is still slightly drunk after all*
T: *still laughing, starts to cry a little* That's it... Just a substitute. Right? I knew that from the start, didn't I? Being troubled by it is barking up the wrong tree entirely. It's... ridiculous conceit.
T: *clogged with tears* I was a child.
RM: .........
T: Even though I knew the one he was protecting was "Kagetora", I felt like I was the one being protected. All his kindness, all that trust in me, it was all for "Kagetora". I was deluding myself, and I got conceited... I'm an idiot. There's no way out of it. I acted like a spoilt brat, and I got conceited...! If that's so...!
T: Even though I should have kept it divided right from the start. Because he always stuck by me and protected me...! Because he was so kind to me! Because he looked at me like that! I deluded myself. Even though it wasn't me!
RM: Who are you talking about?
T: .......
RM: The owner of those cigarettes?
Me: Nah, you THINK? ... *cough* Sorry, carry on.
T: *defeated* They smelled the same. As he does.
RM: How do you know?
Me: ... what kind of a question IS that? O.o;
T: .......
T: *bitter* Because I was a kid, and got my hopes up so it turned me around a bit... Even though I shouldn't have I thought, "If it's him, it'll be okay." Things like, "If it's in front of him, maybe it's okay to let my shields down"... I had all this dumb hopes, and behind them I was afraid of being abandoned... actually.
RM: .......
T: He's strange...
T: *closes eyes* Sticking by a kid like me who has nothing to look back to or nothing he can hope for... Getting badly wounded. Hiding that to the point where it hurts you so much. Because it's unexpectedly scary for me too, being protected unconditionally to that extent. Then I stick to my defence lines and reject him, but he...
RM: .......
T: Even though I reject him and reject him, he doesn't leave. He's strange. Most people would give up and go away, but he doesn't go anywhere. Without fail, he's by my side. But having someone do that so much as that, it makes me feel scared, too... I think, I wonder if I can trust my back to him. Up until now I've always had to be wary against all my enemies, or else I'd die...
RM: ........
T: I hope that... if it's him, it'll be okay to leave the enemies behind me to him, but... I'm scared, after all. No, it wasn't fear that he'd betray me and stab me from behind...
T: I wasn't afraid of being betrayed. Even if I trusted my back to him and he betrayed me, stabbed me in the back, that'd be okay if he was the one to do it. It sounds good, but that's not it. It's just... rather than being abandoned, I'd prefer to be stabbed.
Me: oh my god, Takaya needs SO MANY HUGS RIGHT NOW. where are you when you're needed, Naoe!
RM: ........
T: *laughs again* I would have been happy with just that. Just to be protected from enemies at my back... despite that, because he's such an idiot.
RM: ......
RM: *is not very talkative, but Takaya doesn't need much encouragement right now anyway*
T: He protected me from everything.
RM: From... everything?
Me: It speaks! :O
T: Yeah. He protected all of me from everything. Not the same as what you'd call a shield... it was.
T: Wings. The wings of a large bird. Being protected like being enfolded by them... Saying, here is safe. Wherever you go, if you're inside your wings, nothing will hurt you. You won't feel cold. Like he was saying that. But because that seemed true. A guy like me with no willpower, a naive brat, became so I wanted to be treated like that. It became so that I wanted to always stay within that warmth...! Like an idiot, because it was something I didn't have until now.
T: *since Naoe appeared, didn't want him to leave, didn't want to lose him, even though he knew it was insolent selfishness*
T: Now I can't go forward, and I can't go backwards! I'm already growing this weak! Because he protected me, I've already grown this weak! Scared he'll abandon me, scared he won't be here...! Like this, no matter what he does to me, no matter what reasons he has, I can't send him away!
T: I can't understand at all. He doesn't say anything, so... not knowing anything, how can I stop something like that from happening! If it's his true form that inflicts torment on him...!
T: *starts to cry, internal angst about the Incident and how much it seemed like Naoe hated him and how he couldn't understand*
T: ... What do you want to do?
T: What did you want to do with that?
RM: .... Hey? *probably thinks Takaya is crazy people*
T: *in a world of his own with not-actually-there!Naoe* Saying that kind of thing, doing that kind of thing, what did you want to do? What did you want to do to me? What do you want from me? Why do you hate me!
RM: Hey, what's...
T: Why do you have to hate me! I-- wrong! That's not it! The one you see is "Kagetora", not me! I'm a substitute, right! Whatever I do it becomes the insolence of conceit! The one with no purpose is always me!
RM: Hey...
T: I don't get you at all! Talk to me before you shut up and stifle it to death! I don't get it! Like this, what the hell am I supposed to do! What the hell am I supposed to do!
RM: Hey!
T: ... What should I do...!
T: I... what should I... *sobs*
RM: ........
RM: You need to think about that... and keep thinking. The answer will come to you eventually.
T: .........
RM: Inside you... that person is there. You're inside that person. If you know you can't lose them, keep thinking. Without turning your eyes away, keep on thinking.
T: *lifts face*
RM: Whatever that person is seeking, it's nothing more than your existence. Which is to say, for you to be there... that is certainly the whole of their life. That's something to believe.
T: ........
T: (Naoe...)
N: I will always be by your side.
T: (Even though you walked away... even though you're not here. Even though you left me.)
T: (Don't lie--...)
In conclusion, Takaya has got some SERIOUS bottled up Naoe angst going on, Random Man is kind of unnerving and not very talkative, and I'm going to try to be briefer with the rest of this book having already used up my quota of long-winded translation for this post. XD
Then, next scene, Random Man is all like, tra la, where shall we go! What shall we do! and Takaya thinks, surely a grown man must have better things to do with his time? while meanwhile I think, o god Random Man, you are a freak and I am still getting a vague bad touch vibe offa you. Let's go look at historical stuff! says Random Man, and Takaya is like, ew, history.
But, well, he isn't going to make it back for the first day of school, and he can't think of anything to do in Tokyo, so he's like, fine, whatever, and gets into the car with Random Man, who still has not told Takaya his goddamn name. (SERIOUSLY. Bad touch! don't get into cars with strange men, Takaya.)
On their way to wherever they're going, they have a conversation in the car where they talk about history. Random Man seems very knowledgeable about the history of the area and Takaya asks if he's a teacher (which he's not), and he asks if Takaya likes history. Takaya says no, and he ESPECIALLY hates Civil War history. When questioned about why, Takaya sighs and says none of them seem to be in their right minds and they can't be trusted. (Oh, so true.) RM says this is an odd way of putting it, but maybe it's true, and maybe the madness of humanity is what gives rise to the strength to move eras.
T: "Madness makes history", huh?
RM: Hou. Whose words are those?
It strikes Takaya then that he's not actually sure, and in his confusion about it, he dislodges an associated memory and basically has PTSD flashbacks to what seems to be being in Tokyo during an air raid in WWII with Naoe. Kagetora couldn't do anything and couldn't stand the horrible things that were going on around him; Naoe held him while he cried and told him to go on living. Whatever happens, we will survive it.
Back in the present, Takaya looks at how Tokyo rebuilt itself from that and how Japan managed to survive through it and wonders where people get that strength from, whether it's something everyone but him is born with, and wonders why he alone was too weak. RM, who is STILL RANDOM, suggests they go to that... frig I hate translating this word. "Natsukashii" sea. It means... familiar, longed for. Like a fond memory from your childhood.
Anyway, next chapter, they head off to Odawara. RM starts talking about the history of Odawara Castle, which was the pride of the Houjyou clan, but, after withstanding both Uesugi Kenshin and Takeda Shingen, fell to the Taikou, Toyotomi Hideyoshi, who ordered the two eldest brothers, Ujimasa and Ujiteru, to commit ritual suicide. To anyone with Houjyou blood, RM says, this place is their home.
Takaya has no memory of this place but still feels like it's familiar. Staring at the sea, he sees an image of his father-- but it's not Takaya's father. It's someone he instinctively respects and who is... natsukashii. It's Saburou Kagetora's birth father, Houjyou Ujiyasu.
So at this point, Takaya figures out RM is one of the Houjyou, and asks what he intends to do to Takaya. Random Man asks Saburou to come back to them. Takaya echoes this, and RM is like, for four hundred years, haven't you always wanted to come home? Takaya's like, TO WHAT. There's nothing to return to! But RM is all, yes there is! your family! We luff you! Everyone is waiting for you to come home! So is Chichi-ue! I know we sent you to the Takeda, and then your great uncle, and finally to the Uesugi, but father loves you very much! He loves ALL of us siblings, don't you remember how much?
RM: *is Saburou Kagetora's older brother*
I: *knew this from the anime, but strangely still felt the bad touch vibe all through the preceding bit. Can only imagine how much MORE bad touch that would have seemed if one HADN'T known.* I'm telling you, Kagetora, your older brother is a little... concerning.
Whichever way, Ani-ue holds out his hand for Takaya and Takaya, weak to the notion of family, almost takes it when suddenly he is accosted by a vision of Kenshin (who has been mentioned as having been MIA for years, so this is important!) being all, KAGETORA!
T: (Chichi-ue...!)
T: *has too many fathers*
Me: Seriously, if you count Shingen-- and Shingen sure seems to-- THAT MAKES AT LEAST 4. 5, if you include Saburou's great uncle!
So then Takaya snaps out of it and is like, no! Fuck you and the clan you rode in on-- I'm no Houjyou, and the only thing I'll have to do with any of you is exorcising you as spirit generals who are part of the Yami Sengoku! >O
He then gets into a fight with his older brother (still nameless, but no longer random) where he tries to exorcise him and older brother is all noooo Saburou don't do it! I'm not your enemy! we're brothers! and Takaya is like, yeah, fuck THAT, any brother I had should've died 400 years ago! Older brother has no choice but to accept that Saburou is not coming home, and also, is seriously trying to exorcise him here, and retaliates by pulling out the female Tsutsuga mirror and using it to steal Takaya's soul.
Me: ... Uh... yes, I am feeling the love here. NOT. Surely there must be less offensive ways to protect yourself from your beloved brother's wrath? O.o;
To put it succinctly,
U: I'm your older brother! Me and Chichi-ue really love you! <3? *offers hand*
T: *weak to the concept of family, his father being an abusive alcoholic and his mother having left when he was like 10* ................... okay? *is about to take hand*
Vision of Kenshin: NO, SON, DON'T DO IT!
T: Father? *has too many fathers* ... No, dude, fuck this shit, my only relationship with the Houjyou now is exorcising spirit generals!
U: COME TO THE DARK SIDE, SABUROU.
T: *attacks*
U: You can't leave us, little brother. You're one of us. You have to help us. *uses Tsutsuga Mirror to STEAL TAKAYA'S SOUL*
Me: ........................... UM.
Anyway, we swap to brother's POV-- brother being Ujiteru, the second eldest-- who is joined by his pet ninja, the head of the Fuuma (hee, that will never stop being funny), Kotarou. It seems Ujiteru has a brother complex stemming from being unable to save Kagetora during his war with Kagekatsu and wonders if Saburou resents him. (Takaya: HE OF MANY NAMES!) He feels he had no choice but to seal Saburou's soul in the mirror, though, because otherwise he would have been exorcised.
Kotarou is all in favour of leaving Takaya's body there to die, since it's now useless, but Ujiteru is all, no, take it to the car! and Kotarou is clearly thinking, you are freakishly obsessed. I concur. BROTHER COMPLEX, I screech! You are taking this over the border into creepyville!
Meanwhile, Ujiteru wants to know how Ujimasa is progressing with their plans in Nikkou with the sacrifices and the trees. Only the "Yatate Tree" is left to go. Also, it seems that Ujimasa is collaborating with someone else who Ujiteru doesn't trust, but there's no hint of who that might be.
Those two decide to return to Hakone with Takaya's body, and that is them for now. We head all the way back to Matsumoto, where Yuzuru is trying to find Takaya and yelling at Chiaki. YOU GO, YUZURU! XD He's usually so sweet, it's funny to see him give Chiaki the smackdown, and Chiaki is such a sulky CHILD. Yuzuru is all, this is YOUR fault, why do you hate Takaya so much? and Chiaki is like, because Kagetora isn't really an Uesugi! He's a Houjyou! and Yuzuru is like, OH MY GOD, WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?
ILU, Yuzuru. <3
Chiaki is sulky because he defines himself by his rivalry with Kagetora, and it's that rivalry that gives meaning to his existence but now Takaya is like, totally weak. At this point I begin to realise that it is not only Naoe who is filled with crazy: they ALL are. Except Yuzuru. Yuzuru, my shining beacon of sanity, never leave me!
So Yuzuru is like, fine, you suck and I'm going to find Takaya MYSELF, and stomps off with Chiaki being all OI where're you going! and chasing after, but before he can catch up, a car shows up and this teenage boy is all like, After what you did in Sendai, we want your power! The boy is Date Kojirou, from books 3/4, who is Date Masamune's younger brother. Masamune and Kojirou love each other deeply but Masamune was forced to execute Kojirou as a result of their mother's plots to kill Masamune and put Kojirou in his place. In books 3 and 4 their mother was once more plotting with Kojirou being dragged along for the ride (though he hasn't actually seen Masamune again yet). He now wants revenge for his mother, who Naoe exorcised. Anyway, he abducts Yuzuru, and when Chiaki tries to stop this, he gets his arse kicked to the curb.
On a side note, I would like to point out now that IN THIS BOOK ALONE, there is Kojirou, Kojyuurou, and Kotarou. WHY, JAPAN, WHY? There are also Ieyasu, Yasuhide and Ujiyasu, and Ujiyasu, Ujiteru and Ujimasa. Masamune gets the odd mention. There is thankfully none of the Hides in this book, but there were an AWFUL LOT OF THEM in book 5. (If you include Chiaki-- Nagahide, Hisahide, and Hideyasu, who is distinct from Yasuhide.) I know feudal England did the same thing but somehow it's a lot more painful than trying to remember a billion different Henrys and Edwards and Thomases. Then again, maybe I'm just used to that.
Yuzuru having been abducted by Date Kojirou, probably in cahoots with Mori Ranmaru (brain, ow) and Takaya having had his soul stolen by Houjyou Ujiteru, we now are on the final chapter for the book. We're back to Naoe's POV, and it's time for book 5.5 to catch up and haunt him. He rings up Ayako to enlist her help for the Tsutsuga thing, and instead gets informed, essentially, FUCK THE YAMI SENGOKU, KAGETORA IS MISSING!
Naoe freaks out and yells at her for Takaya going missing, and she yells right back at him about how he was supposed to be there, about how he was always supposed to be there but he wasn't, and then she basically starts getting hysterical about the fact that Naoe loves Kagetora and he was reunited with him so he should STAY with him, but he LEFT, because the whole thing strikes her too close to the bone and she's projecting about her own lover from 200 years ago who she never got to see again. (I reiterate, they are all filled with crazy. None more so than Naoe, but even Haruie has her issues, and they've gotten the best of her right now.) Naoe swings between feeling suitably terrible and between being crazy thoughts when will I be freeeeee Naoe, and Haruie notices him being a little weird and after her hysteria has subsided is like, um, Naoe? but he tells her it's nothing.
After he hangs up, Maiko is jealous because she thinks that was his girlfriend, and then with some kind of sixth sense of her own she guesses that Naoe has someone he loves and even guesses fairly accurately at the kind of person-- "Strong-willed, resolute, cold but spoiled, high-handed, so beautiful you can't leave them. An unrewarding love."
Naoe adds that the person he loves is "too cunning" and that he can't defy them. Maiko lets him go for now and tells him they'll have dinner soon when Kojyuurou is back (Naoe had to stay in and rest for the day-- doctor's orders, enforced by Kojyuurou and Maiko) and the final scene of the book which follows is one of my favourites. <3
Naoe walks up the stairs to go to his room, and at the landing, he looks in the mirror and thinks he sees someone standing behind him, which creeps him out, so he turns around but no one is there and he can't sense anything. When he looks in the mirror, though, there is clearly someone reflected behind him-- and it's clearly Takaya. Naoe freaks a little, understandably, and then he remembers what Maiko said about seeing Shinya in the mirror, draws conclusions, and freaks completely the hell out. And THAT is the end of book 6.
Great place to end it, no? Unless you don't have book 7, in which case, THROTTLE! (That's what worries me. The end of book 7 will be like that, AND I WON'T HAVE BOOK 8.)
Anyway, that is that for now. I may translate the final scene later, because I really do like it, but for now... it is 4 am and I am sleeeeepy.
Tired fwaaargh. Today I went to the computer fair and bought a spindle of DVDs and a USB game controller for my computer. I am bad at resisting temptation but it was only $20 and it's shaped like a PS controller and is seriously the most awesome thing ever. I tried it. It works with my GBA and SNES emulators and I almost expired of happiness on the spot.
I saw Spiderman 3 at Film Group for the first time tonight and all I have to say is, I kept having moments where I was like "I'm sure I read this in a Smallville fic" and also, there was just this huge chunk where it felt like Peter and Harry were channelling Sora and Riku and I basically rolled around and cackled with insane laughter. Chalk another one up for inadvisable KH fusions I am so not writing!
I have to wonder why I am awake, as it is past 4, we're going to Yum Cha tomorrow at like, 12.30, and uni goes back on Monday. Well, actually I have a tour guide thing on Monday for which I'm missing class but either way I'd be starting at 9am so the point holds: WHY AM I AWAKE?
In any event, have some more Mirage summary. This goes to the end of book 6 and is mostly from Takaya's POV. (On that note, I am about 50 pages from the end of book 7. If book 8 doesn't show up on Monday, I will be SO PISSED.)
So, back to Takaya, who we left being picked up by Random Man on the streets of Tokyo, drunk, beaten up and miserable. He wakes up in a hotel with no idea where he is or what happened and Random Man (hereafter RM) asks him if he's sobered up yet. He's with it enough to feel wary, and I myself am now feeling like "okay, this is just a LITTLE BIT CREEPY."
RM tells Takaya he shouldn't smoke, because it's bad for him, and while Takaya is all, wtf? RM gets him mineral water from the mini bar. Takaya is starting to feel a little "............" and RM tells him it's okay, you can leave whenever you like.
Me: ... Somehow, I am not getting that vibe. All I am getting is the DO NOT WANT vibe.
Anyway, RM asks about who the cigarettes belong to-- a friend? and the following exchange, in which Takaya needs hugs more than ever (preferably from Naoe, and not from RM), takes place.
T: Friend--....
T: *bitter smile* No. We're not friends.
RM: What, then?
T: *doesn't know* (My retainer...? No, that's what Naoe is to Kagetora, not to Ougi Takaya.) ..................
RM: But, it's an important person.
T: Important? *startled*
T: He's not important. It's not like it matters at all to me if he's not here, it doesn't bother me at all. I just hang around after him--
RM: ........
T: ... I just let myself get used.
T: *laugh* That's right. I'm just getting used, that's all. I'm just being used by them.
RM: What happened?
T: I got stupid all of a sudden. No matter how much I think it through, there's nothing I can do. There's no meaning to me thinking, right?
RM: ........
T: The one he thinks is necessary, it isn't me. It's Kagetora, right? What he said, what he did, it was all what he wanted to do for Kagetora, right? He's just treating me as a substitute for Kagetora, isn't that it? I'm such an idiot. I'm so much of an idiot that it makes me mad.
T: *possibly is still slightly drunk after all*
T: *still laughing, starts to cry a little* That's it... Just a substitute. Right? I knew that from the start, didn't I? Being troubled by it is barking up the wrong tree entirely. It's... ridiculous conceit.
T: *clogged with tears* I was a child.
RM: .........
T: Even though I knew the one he was protecting was "Kagetora", I felt like I was the one being protected. All his kindness, all that trust in me, it was all for "Kagetora". I was deluding myself, and I got conceited... I'm an idiot. There's no way out of it. I acted like a spoilt brat, and I got conceited...! If that's so...!
T: Even though I should have kept it divided right from the start. Because he always stuck by me and protected me...! Because he was so kind to me! Because he looked at me like that! I deluded myself. Even though it wasn't me!
RM: Who are you talking about?
T: .......
RM: The owner of those cigarettes?
Me: Nah, you THINK? ... *cough* Sorry, carry on.
T: *defeated* They smelled the same. As he does.
RM: How do you know?
Me: ... what kind of a question IS that? O.o;
T: .......
T: *bitter* Because I was a kid, and got my hopes up so it turned me around a bit... Even though I shouldn't have I thought, "If it's him, it'll be okay." Things like, "If it's in front of him, maybe it's okay to let my shields down"... I had all this dumb hopes, and behind them I was afraid of being abandoned... actually.
RM: .......
T: He's strange...
T: *closes eyes* Sticking by a kid like me who has nothing to look back to or nothing he can hope for... Getting badly wounded. Hiding that to the point where it hurts you so much. Because it's unexpectedly scary for me too, being protected unconditionally to that extent. Then I stick to my defence lines and reject him, but he...
RM: .......
T: Even though I reject him and reject him, he doesn't leave. He's strange. Most people would give up and go away, but he doesn't go anywhere. Without fail, he's by my side. But having someone do that so much as that, it makes me feel scared, too... I think, I wonder if I can trust my back to him. Up until now I've always had to be wary against all my enemies, or else I'd die...
RM: ........
T: I hope that... if it's him, it'll be okay to leave the enemies behind me to him, but... I'm scared, after all. No, it wasn't fear that he'd betray me and stab me from behind...
T: I wasn't afraid of being betrayed. Even if I trusted my back to him and he betrayed me, stabbed me in the back, that'd be okay if he was the one to do it. It sounds good, but that's not it. It's just... rather than being abandoned, I'd prefer to be stabbed.
Me: oh my god, Takaya needs SO MANY HUGS RIGHT NOW. where are you when you're needed, Naoe!
RM: ........
T: *laughs again* I would have been happy with just that. Just to be protected from enemies at my back... despite that, because he's such an idiot.
RM: ......
RM: *is not very talkative, but Takaya doesn't need much encouragement right now anyway*
T: He protected me from everything.
RM: From... everything?
Me: It speaks! :O
T: Yeah. He protected all of me from everything. Not the same as what you'd call a shield... it was.
T: Wings. The wings of a large bird. Being protected like being enfolded by them... Saying, here is safe. Wherever you go, if you're inside your wings, nothing will hurt you. You won't feel cold. Like he was saying that. But because that seemed true. A guy like me with no willpower, a naive brat, became so I wanted to be treated like that. It became so that I wanted to always stay within that warmth...! Like an idiot, because it was something I didn't have until now.
T: *since Naoe appeared, didn't want him to leave, didn't want to lose him, even though he knew it was insolent selfishness*
T: Now I can't go forward, and I can't go backwards! I'm already growing this weak! Because he protected me, I've already grown this weak! Scared he'll abandon me, scared he won't be here...! Like this, no matter what he does to me, no matter what reasons he has, I can't send him away!
T: I can't understand at all. He doesn't say anything, so... not knowing anything, how can I stop something like that from happening! If it's his true form that inflicts torment on him...!
T: *starts to cry, internal angst about the Incident and how much it seemed like Naoe hated him and how he couldn't understand*
T: ... What do you want to do?
T: What did you want to do with that?
RM: .... Hey? *probably thinks Takaya is crazy people*
T: *in a world of his own with not-actually-there!Naoe* Saying that kind of thing, doing that kind of thing, what did you want to do? What did you want to do to me? What do you want from me? Why do you hate me!
RM: Hey, what's...
T: Why do you have to hate me! I-- wrong! That's not it! The one you see is "Kagetora", not me! I'm a substitute, right! Whatever I do it becomes the insolence of conceit! The one with no purpose is always me!
RM: Hey...
T: I don't get you at all! Talk to me before you shut up and stifle it to death! I don't get it! Like this, what the hell am I supposed to do! What the hell am I supposed to do!
RM: Hey!
T: ... What should I do...!
T: I... what should I... *sobs*
RM: ........
RM: You need to think about that... and keep thinking. The answer will come to you eventually.
T: .........
RM: Inside you... that person is there. You're inside that person. If you know you can't lose them, keep thinking. Without turning your eyes away, keep on thinking.
T: *lifts face*
RM: Whatever that person is seeking, it's nothing more than your existence. Which is to say, for you to be there... that is certainly the whole of their life. That's something to believe.
T: ........
T: (Naoe...)
N: I will always be by your side.
T: (Even though you walked away... even though you're not here. Even though you left me.)
T: (Don't lie--...)
In conclusion, Takaya has got some SERIOUS bottled up Naoe angst going on, Random Man is kind of unnerving and not very talkative, and I'm going to try to be briefer with the rest of this book having already used up my quota of long-winded translation for this post. XD
Then, next scene, Random Man is all like, tra la, where shall we go! What shall we do! and Takaya thinks, surely a grown man must have better things to do with his time? while meanwhile I think, o god Random Man, you are a freak and I am still getting a vague bad touch vibe offa you. Let's go look at historical stuff! says Random Man, and Takaya is like, ew, history.
But, well, he isn't going to make it back for the first day of school, and he can't think of anything to do in Tokyo, so he's like, fine, whatever, and gets into the car with Random Man, who still has not told Takaya his goddamn name. (SERIOUSLY. Bad touch! don't get into cars with strange men, Takaya.)
On their way to wherever they're going, they have a conversation in the car where they talk about history. Random Man seems very knowledgeable about the history of the area and Takaya asks if he's a teacher (which he's not), and he asks if Takaya likes history. Takaya says no, and he ESPECIALLY hates Civil War history. When questioned about why, Takaya sighs and says none of them seem to be in their right minds and they can't be trusted. (Oh, so true.) RM says this is an odd way of putting it, but maybe it's true, and maybe the madness of humanity is what gives rise to the strength to move eras.
T: "Madness makes history", huh?
RM: Hou. Whose words are those?
It strikes Takaya then that he's not actually sure, and in his confusion about it, he dislodges an associated memory and basically has PTSD flashbacks to what seems to be being in Tokyo during an air raid in WWII with Naoe. Kagetora couldn't do anything and couldn't stand the horrible things that were going on around him; Naoe held him while he cried and told him to go on living. Whatever happens, we will survive it.
Back in the present, Takaya looks at how Tokyo rebuilt itself from that and how Japan managed to survive through it and wonders where people get that strength from, whether it's something everyone but him is born with, and wonders why he alone was too weak. RM, who is STILL RANDOM, suggests they go to that... frig I hate translating this word. "Natsukashii" sea. It means... familiar, longed for. Like a fond memory from your childhood.
Anyway, next chapter, they head off to Odawara. RM starts talking about the history of Odawara Castle, which was the pride of the Houjyou clan, but, after withstanding both Uesugi Kenshin and Takeda Shingen, fell to the Taikou, Toyotomi Hideyoshi, who ordered the two eldest brothers, Ujimasa and Ujiteru, to commit ritual suicide. To anyone with Houjyou blood, RM says, this place is their home.
Takaya has no memory of this place but still feels like it's familiar. Staring at the sea, he sees an image of his father-- but it's not Takaya's father. It's someone he instinctively respects and who is... natsukashii. It's Saburou Kagetora's birth father, Houjyou Ujiyasu.
So at this point, Takaya figures out RM is one of the Houjyou, and asks what he intends to do to Takaya. Random Man asks Saburou to come back to them. Takaya echoes this, and RM is like, for four hundred years, haven't you always wanted to come home? Takaya's like, TO WHAT. There's nothing to return to! But RM is all, yes there is! your family! We luff you! Everyone is waiting for you to come home! So is Chichi-ue! I know we sent you to the Takeda, and then your great uncle, and finally to the Uesugi, but father loves you very much! He loves ALL of us siblings, don't you remember how much?
RM: *is Saburou Kagetora's older brother*
I: *knew this from the anime, but strangely still felt the bad touch vibe all through the preceding bit. Can only imagine how much MORE bad touch that would have seemed if one HADN'T known.* I'm telling you, Kagetora, your older brother is a little... concerning.
Whichever way, Ani-ue holds out his hand for Takaya and Takaya, weak to the notion of family, almost takes it when suddenly he is accosted by a vision of Kenshin (who has been mentioned as having been MIA for years, so this is important!) being all, KAGETORA!
T: (Chichi-ue...!)
T: *has too many fathers*
Me: Seriously, if you count Shingen-- and Shingen sure seems to-- THAT MAKES AT LEAST 4. 5, if you include Saburou's great uncle!
So then Takaya snaps out of it and is like, no! Fuck you and the clan you rode in on-- I'm no Houjyou, and the only thing I'll have to do with any of you is exorcising you as spirit generals who are part of the Yami Sengoku! >O
He then gets into a fight with his older brother (still nameless, but no longer random) where he tries to exorcise him and older brother is all noooo Saburou don't do it! I'm not your enemy! we're brothers! and Takaya is like, yeah, fuck THAT, any brother I had should've died 400 years ago! Older brother has no choice but to accept that Saburou is not coming home, and also, is seriously trying to exorcise him here, and retaliates by pulling out the female Tsutsuga mirror and using it to steal Takaya's soul.
Me: ... Uh... yes, I am feeling the love here. NOT. Surely there must be less offensive ways to protect yourself from your beloved brother's wrath? O.o;
To put it succinctly,
U: I'm your older brother! Me and Chichi-ue really love you! <3? *offers hand*
T: *weak to the concept of family, his father being an abusive alcoholic and his mother having left when he was like 10* ................... okay? *is about to take hand*
Vision of Kenshin: NO, SON, DON'T DO IT!
T: Father? *has too many fathers* ... No, dude, fuck this shit, my only relationship with the Houjyou now is exorcising spirit generals!
U: COME TO THE DARK SIDE, SABUROU.
T: *attacks*
U: You can't leave us, little brother. You're one of us. You have to help us. *uses Tsutsuga Mirror to STEAL TAKAYA'S SOUL*
Me: ........................... UM.
Anyway, we swap to brother's POV-- brother being Ujiteru, the second eldest-- who is joined by his pet ninja, the head of the Fuuma (hee, that will never stop being funny), Kotarou. It seems Ujiteru has a brother complex stemming from being unable to save Kagetora during his war with Kagekatsu and wonders if Saburou resents him. (Takaya: HE OF MANY NAMES!) He feels he had no choice but to seal Saburou's soul in the mirror, though, because otherwise he would have been exorcised.
Kotarou is all in favour of leaving Takaya's body there to die, since it's now useless, but Ujiteru is all, no, take it to the car! and Kotarou is clearly thinking, you are freakishly obsessed. I concur. BROTHER COMPLEX, I screech! You are taking this over the border into creepyville!
Meanwhile, Ujiteru wants to know how Ujimasa is progressing with their plans in Nikkou with the sacrifices and the trees. Only the "Yatate Tree" is left to go. Also, it seems that Ujimasa is collaborating with someone else who Ujiteru doesn't trust, but there's no hint of who that might be.
Those two decide to return to Hakone with Takaya's body, and that is them for now. We head all the way back to Matsumoto, where Yuzuru is trying to find Takaya and yelling at Chiaki. YOU GO, YUZURU! XD He's usually so sweet, it's funny to see him give Chiaki the smackdown, and Chiaki is such a sulky CHILD. Yuzuru is all, this is YOUR fault, why do you hate Takaya so much? and Chiaki is like, because Kagetora isn't really an Uesugi! He's a Houjyou! and Yuzuru is like, OH MY GOD, WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?
ILU, Yuzuru. <3
Chiaki is sulky because he defines himself by his rivalry with Kagetora, and it's that rivalry that gives meaning to his existence but now Takaya is like, totally weak. At this point I begin to realise that it is not only Naoe who is filled with crazy: they ALL are. Except Yuzuru. Yuzuru, my shining beacon of sanity, never leave me!
So Yuzuru is like, fine, you suck and I'm going to find Takaya MYSELF, and stomps off with Chiaki being all OI where're you going! and chasing after, but before he can catch up, a car shows up and this teenage boy is all like, After what you did in Sendai, we want your power! The boy is Date Kojirou, from books 3/4, who is Date Masamune's younger brother. Masamune and Kojirou love each other deeply but Masamune was forced to execute Kojirou as a result of their mother's plots to kill Masamune and put Kojirou in his place. In books 3 and 4 their mother was once more plotting with Kojirou being dragged along for the ride (though he hasn't actually seen Masamune again yet). He now wants revenge for his mother, who Naoe exorcised. Anyway, he abducts Yuzuru, and when Chiaki tries to stop this, he gets his arse kicked to the curb.
On a side note, I would like to point out now that IN THIS BOOK ALONE, there is Kojirou, Kojyuurou, and Kotarou. WHY, JAPAN, WHY? There are also Ieyasu, Yasuhide and Ujiyasu, and Ujiyasu, Ujiteru and Ujimasa. Masamune gets the odd mention. There is thankfully none of the Hides in this book, but there were an AWFUL LOT OF THEM in book 5. (If you include Chiaki-- Nagahide, Hisahide, and Hideyasu, who is distinct from Yasuhide.) I know feudal England did the same thing but somehow it's a lot more painful than trying to remember a billion different Henrys and Edwards and Thomases. Then again, maybe I'm just used to that.
Yuzuru having been abducted by Date Kojirou, probably in cahoots with Mori Ranmaru (brain, ow) and Takaya having had his soul stolen by Houjyou Ujiteru, we now are on the final chapter for the book. We're back to Naoe's POV, and it's time for book 5.5 to catch up and haunt him. He rings up Ayako to enlist her help for the Tsutsuga thing, and instead gets informed, essentially, FUCK THE YAMI SENGOKU, KAGETORA IS MISSING!
Naoe freaks out and yells at her for Takaya going missing, and she yells right back at him about how he was supposed to be there, about how he was always supposed to be there but he wasn't, and then she basically starts getting hysterical about the fact that Naoe loves Kagetora and he was reunited with him so he should STAY with him, but he LEFT, because the whole thing strikes her too close to the bone and she's projecting about her own lover from 200 years ago who she never got to see again. (I reiterate, they are all filled with crazy. None more so than Naoe, but even Haruie has her issues, and they've gotten the best of her right now.) Naoe swings between feeling suitably terrible and between being crazy thoughts when will I be freeeeee Naoe, and Haruie notices him being a little weird and after her hysteria has subsided is like, um, Naoe? but he tells her it's nothing.
After he hangs up, Maiko is jealous because she thinks that was his girlfriend, and then with some kind of sixth sense of her own she guesses that Naoe has someone he loves and even guesses fairly accurately at the kind of person-- "Strong-willed, resolute, cold but spoiled, high-handed, so beautiful you can't leave them. An unrewarding love."
Naoe adds that the person he loves is "too cunning" and that he can't defy them. Maiko lets him go for now and tells him they'll have dinner soon when Kojyuurou is back (Naoe had to stay in and rest for the day-- doctor's orders, enforced by Kojyuurou and Maiko) and the final scene of the book which follows is one of my favourites. <3
Naoe walks up the stairs to go to his room, and at the landing, he looks in the mirror and thinks he sees someone standing behind him, which creeps him out, so he turns around but no one is there and he can't sense anything. When he looks in the mirror, though, there is clearly someone reflected behind him-- and it's clearly Takaya. Naoe freaks a little, understandably, and then he remembers what Maiko said about seeing Shinya in the mirror, draws conclusions, and freaks completely the hell out. And THAT is the end of book 6.
Great place to end it, no? Unless you don't have book 7, in which case, THROTTLE! (That's what worries me. The end of book 7 will be like that, AND I WON'T HAVE BOOK 8.)
Anyway, that is that for now. I may translate the final scene later, because I really do like it, but for now... it is 4 am and I am sleeeeepy.
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about book 6
Date: 2007-08-25 11:08 pm (UTC)Re: about book 6
Date: 2007-11-02 02:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-15 06:46 pm (UTC)