tammaiya | (no subject)

Since I was tagged by

_leareth and am procrastinating, the 8 facts meme!

It's hard for me to find 8 things people don't know about me, actually, because I run off at the mouth and talk about myself all the time so um. Yeah. Anyway.

1. I have an addictive personality. I don't just get into something; even "obsessed" is probably an understatement. I get totally addicted to ordinary things, usually fandom or some kind of fictional medium, and I act like a total junkie. Then when I run out of whatever it was-- no more quality fic for that pairing, no more eps of that show, finished the game-- I crash like any addict going cold turkey and get fully depressed and apathetic. Although it's kind of a chicken/egg thing, because sometimes falling into the addiction in the first place is to stave off depression and I can't always tell which it is.

2. I'm fairly phobic of change. I freaked out like crazy about finishing high school and I'm petrified of Life After Uni. It's not rational, I know everything will work out one way or another, but I hate the feeling of losing something you'll never get back.

3. Somewhat connected, I am TOTALLY phobic about death, my own and other people's. Connected because other people dying is a big change, and never a good one, but I'm also just afraid of dying in general because I don't know what I believe in or really if I believe in anything at all. Actually, that's kind of about change, too. Anyway, the thought of ceasing to be terrifies me, and that uncertainty is why even at my lowest points where I was seriously contemplating it I'd never commit suicide. (Note: I am heavily against suicide and think it's selfish to people who care about you, but it's hard to remember that when you hit rock bottom. Phobias are a lot more concrete right then.)

4. The thing that scares me most about living in Japan for a year is leaving my dog behind.

5. God, those were all horribly morbid. Er, let's see. I love music but I don't know very much about it, honestly, either in a technical sense or a pop culture sense. I can sing to time and tune but I can't tell you what tempo or key I'm doing it in, and I can sing along to a major hit without being able to tell you the artist, let alone the name of the song or the album it's from. (Much to my brother's disgust.) Hell, most of the time I can't even say what genre it is.

6. Still on the topic of music, my brother told me when I was younger that I had no taste. Not bad taste; NO taste. He was basically right-- I liked almost everything. I'm a little more picky these days, but I'm still pretty easy to please.

7. I'm uncomfortable with criticism. I don't mean of me, specifically-- though that can get me down, obviously-- but just generally. On more than one occasion when watching tv with my mother, I've found myself wanting to defend whatever's on from her bagging EVEN THOUGH I AGREE. I hedge a lot even in my own mind, think things like, "this is kind of not the best thing ever... it's okay I guess..." and so on, not helped by how naturally indecisive I am anyway. However, there are things I have no problem just coming out and calling shit, like reality tv and really, really bad fic. (That's a sliding scale; it has to be pretty damn awful before I'll step over the line from "this is a bit mediocre" to "oh my god, YOU PEOPLE".)

8. I have an insane craving for validation for like, everything I do. I write something, an essay or a fic, and I need someone to tell me it doesn't suck. I'm wary about saying I like something or don't when the other person disagrees. (Which is not to say I change my mind, just that I feel awkward and defensive about it.) Same with opinions, unless it's something I feel really strongly about. Hahaha me for the lose. Oh well.

And done! I'm supposed to tag 8 people but I can never remember who's been tagged or not, so I'm tagging all you guys. If you want to do it, I'm interested in the answers. (Even if I don't comment, I'll read it. Like I said the other day, I'm kind of fail at comments at the moment, but I'm still reading my flist.)

Does someone want to write an essay on google book search for me? Anyone? Bueller? ... Damn. (Srsly, guyz, gives me ur smarts! doesn't anyone know about the fair use exception in american copyright law?)