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Nov. 18th, 2007 08:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tammaiyaOkay, so like, I know I haven't done a proper summary post or anything about MoB for... some number of months, but does anyone remember me sort of promising to translate the last chapter of book 6? No? ... er, anyway. In case anyone needs a refresher of wtf is going on, I've tagged all the summary posts here. The last post was here.
And I've translated the chapter, so. (PS: I feel bad about spamming you guys with Mirage of Blaze all the time. If I created a filter, who'd want to be on it? Then again I don't want to stop people just surfing around for Mirage stuff to be blocked from access because I HATE it when that happens to me. Hm.)
CHAPTER NINE: THE BEAST IN THE MIRROR
“Takaya-san is missing?”
Naoe said into the receiver of the public phone in the inn’s lobby, shouting.
“What does that mean, Haruie. Did something happen to him!”
It was the evening of that day. Since last night, Naoe had been staying at Maiko’s inn at Chuuzenji Lakeside.
Ayako, on the other end of the line, answers like she’s troubled. Right now, she’s at her own home in Yokohama. Naoe had contacted her to help in the investigation of the case of the “tsutsuga mirror”, but hearing in response about the matter of what had happened at Nerima Castle yesterday, and that at the end of Takaya’s independent actions, he still hadn’t returned to Matsumoto, Naoe was taken completely by surprise and his tone became forceful. Because he was attacking Ayako with a ceaseless tirade of why did you leave him alone, what kind of stupidity is leaving him to get back on his own, it seemed Ayako herself grew sullen.
“There’s no need to get that angry! The one who should be told that is you, isn’t it? It’s mostly your fault. Why did you leave? Your role is supposed to be to stick by Kagetora.”
Naoe’s eyes widened, startled.
“I don’t know what happened, but you have to be by Kagetora’s side! You can’t leave him! What’s with Nikkou. What’s up with neglecting Kagetora when he’s like this! I just don’t get it at all!”
“………….”
Naoe stayed silent and drew his eyebrows together. Ayako was no longer able to bear the words of attack of Naoe, who had raised himself up on a ledge. Even now, far more than Chiaki, she’d always felt that she feels the same way as Naoe. She’d wanted to irritate Naoe’s worries, but she’s always endured wanting to tell him just that she understands how he feels.
But, she could no longer meet him there. Thinking Naoe is a horribly extravagant and selfish person, her words grew more reckless without intending to.
“You have Kagetora! Whatever you say, your most important person is right there, isn’t he! You’re completely spoiled! No matter what happened, you should have been there right to the end!”
“Haruie…”
“What’s with the meaningless fussing. You love Kagetora, don’t you! You love him more than anyone, right! Don’t lie that you can’t have your wish granted! You! You can’t part from him again! For every second of every minute, stay by his side!”
Ayako was shouting frantically. Towards the end it seemed her voice had become a little teary.
“Why are you crying? Haruie.”
“I, I don’t know! You’re so spoiled, it’s pathetic! And yet I’ve been waiting two hundred years, and still can’t see him… Even though I wouldn’t be able to prove if it was him or not when I did meet him! You’re so spoiled! You really are so spoiled!”
“………..”
Ayako was making a comparison with her lover from two hundred years ago. Naoe makes a bewildered face at Ayako, who’s started crying over the line.
“… I understand. It’s okay now…”
“You don’t understand! You don’t understand anything! For you, he’s right there! That’s happiness enough! You don’t understand!”
She’s half-hysterical. Thinking it was like she was trying to have a lover’s spat with her lover, Naoe smiled bitterly.
“It’s okay now… I’m sorry I made you worry.”
“If you really think so, hurry up and go find Kagetora. Whatever you say Kagetora is waiting for you to pick him up! Even that time, definitely… even when there was Minako, you’re what Kagetora really needed.”
The bitter smile disappears abruptly from Naoe’s face. Expression darkening slightly, he closed his eyes.
“I suppose you could say that.”
“You can’t leave him. You can never leave him again. This is for your sake.”
(For my sake…?)
Naoe mocks himself, mouthing the words. There’s no way it could be anything like that. Not being able to part from Kagetora is only suffering. Not being able to part from the Absolute… from his only dictator, just causes pain.
(You’ll end it, won’t you?)
He murmurs, as if confirming with himself.
That this time for sure he will punch the hole for the last stop in his four hundred year lifetime… This battle is a battle to settle everything. This is not a battle that will continue on to tomorrow. It’s a battle to finish everything.
When the << Yami Sengoku >> is destroyed, that is his final decision. That is his separation from Kagetora, that is the day he will cease to be “Naoe Nobutsuna”. That is how he will escape from the pain of loving just one person so much. If he cannot escape from him, there’s nothing to do but throw away his own self away.
(I’ll part from everything…)
He’ll end this << Yami Sengoku >>… Until then, that is the time he is permitted to live for. If he considers how long he has endured the pain until now, it’s no big deal. He’ll settle his past with Kagetora. His own feelings, Minako, his own crime of violating him, he’ll settle all of it…
From that insensible dictator—.
(I will be freed from that person…)
“Naoe? What’s wrong, Naoe?”
The sudden change in Ayako’s worried voice snaps him out of it. Naoe carved a cold smile into the edge of his mouth.
“Nothing…”
Telling Ayako that he’d contact Takaya’s house from his end, and concluding their other business, Naoe hung up. Ayako hadn’t become aware of the conclusion Naoe had reached. His camouflage is now not so easily seen through by anyone.
When he sets the receiver down and turns at the sense of another, Maiko has been standing behind him for some time.
“Asaoka-san…”
“Was the phone call just now from someone female?”
Naoe’s expression is dubious. He felt as though, for an instant, he’d seen the face of a malicious woman in sweet Maiko’s face. However, Maiko immediately became aware of herself. Looking as though she’d snapped out of it, she returned to her usual self.
“The preparation for dinner is done. I thought I’d tell you so, but you weren’t in your room, so… is it okay for you to be up?”
“The pain has gone down considerably. It seems to have gotten manageable.”
Maiko’s expression is apologetic. The wound Naoe had received from the tsutsuga had been more serious than they’d thought, and though he’d received medical care at a hospital, dealing with a fever in the depth of the wound and going back were beyond his control, and in the end, he had been taken care of for the night at Maiko’s family’s inn. Even on the next day the fever still hadn’t gone down, so it had been decided that Katakura would go investigate in his place and inform him of every detail.
Over a day the situation has gotten worse again. Apparently this morning a human’s face had been discovered on the surface of one of the three holy trees of Futarasan Shrine. That had been the left splint. The condition was much the same as Shinya, and the face was the face of that tsutsuga sacrifice who had supposedly jumped at the Gegon Falls yesterday.
Furthermore, he’d heard that a large number of cedar trees throughout the Nikkou Mountain region, while not quite so vivid, also had things that seemed to be human faces on their surfaces.
They’d heard the story from Kousaka and Kojyuurou had once more headed out to Futarasan Shrine, and he’d also proceeded with investigations into what kind of person the Gengon Falls sacrifice had been. Naoe had intended to help, but urged by Maiko and Kojyuurou, he’d had no choice but to stay at the inn and heal, although…
“There’s no need for you to look after me any further. I’ll be leaving tomorrow morning. There’s the thing with your younger brother, and there’s no need for me to laze about sleeping.”
“Please don’t overdo it!”
Maiko said, like she was clinging to him.
“For… the sake of my younger brother, you were injured this badly. I’m truly grateful, but I don’t understand. If you overdo it and don’t recover, I—”
“It’s not such a big deal.”
“No!”
Maiko said clearly, then faltered momentarily when she tried to follow on with something more. However, Maiko looked up at Naoe with determination.
“If something like that were to happen to Tachibana-san, I…! I—…”
“………”
It seemed Naoe could read Maiko’s thoughts from that earnest gaze of hers.
“Asaoka-san…”
She’s a sweet girl. To be looked at with such a clinging gaze by a beautiful woman like her, most men, even if they didn’t return her feelings, would undoubtedly react with a thumping heart.
Thinking that, Naoe smiled. In reality, it’s the same for him. If he recognised her feelings for truth, he thinks he could probably embrace her right now. But, that is—
(I suppose it’s a matter of… if only my heart weren’t already settled on that person.)
Maiko doesn’t understand the true nature of the smile that floats on his face at that thought. Maiko thinks that she wants to try touching the thing like a ball of heat hidden within this man’s calm exterior to see what it’s like. Even though it doesn’t emerge in his expression, Maiko knows for sure that it exists. Perhaps this is the thing called woman’s intuition.
“… Thank you.”
So answering, the man throws a smile at Maiko. Maiko wants to protest that it’s okay if touching his real self burns her, but she knows, too, what type his smiling kindness is. It is a kindness that he gives to anyone, provided for tens of thousands of people.
It’s not something he gives to just one person alone.
“… I understand.”
Suppressing the tears that well up, Maiko dropped her head.
“I understand, but I—”
“……….”
Naoe looked down at Maiko, covering her face, and bewildered, he spoke in a gentle tone.
“It seems somehow, I exist to cause you to cry.”
Maiko sobbed several times, thinking that that must be so. She cried in a way that was like she was subconsciously fawning over him, maybe because the way this man looked just a little unsteady around her gave her hope.
While Naoe is aware of the “woman” inside Maiko, he knows well how serious she is toward him, and so he thinks he doesn’t want to make her a disposable tool to clear away his own pain.
Maiko thinks it would be okay to be a temporary tool, but Naoe possesses a paternal kindness, and he refused that in order not to hurt her.
“They must be such a wonderful person…”
Maiko mumbled haltingly.
“A person who is valuable enough to be treasured by Tachibana-san… I wonder what kind of person that could be.”
Wiping her eyes, Maiko finally smiled. Returning her smile, Naoe answered.
“If you ever meet them, I’m sure that you’ll know, too.”
A person who is only worth that much, Naoe said, and closed his eyes sadly. Seeing that, Maiko’s gaze changed like now she was the one who would look after him.
“I understand. They’re a person who is very strong-willed an resolute, spoiled even though they’re cold, high-handed, so beautiful you can’t touch them, and…”
“……..”
“That… is an unrewarding love, isn’t it.”
Naoe’s face was surprised. He was once more concerned about what an incredible thing womanly intuition was. So much so that he wondered, if her brother had something like a precognitive ability, maybe Maiko possessed an ability of perception.
Kagetora’s sharply honed gaze revives at the back of his mind.
“They are an underhanded person…”
Naoe murmured, and smiled again.
“Too underhanded, and I can’t defy them.”
Maiko gazes at Naoe with a motherly expression.
“Will you take your meal in your room?”
Maiko returned to her usual self.
“Earlier, there was a phone call from Katakura-san. It seems he’s at Nikkou station right now, although he thinks he’ll be able to come back soon. What would you like to do? Will you eat without him?”
“No, I’ll wait. Eating a meal by yourself is lonely.”
Maiko was about to say, me too, but thinking that there would be talk about the job that they wouldn’t want her to hear, she restrained herself from asking. I’d better go help the waiter, she said, and started to walk toward the kitchen.
“I’ll see you later.”
Watching Maiko leave, Naoe took a packet of cigarettes from his pocket. Putting one in his mouth, he lights it. Leaning against the wall, he smiled again.
(An unrewarding love…?)
If being bound by obedience and loyalty like that could be called “love”, perhaps you really could say that. However, it wasn’t that unrewarding. It’s a “love” he can’t wish to be returned.
(It’s just a twisted longing to own.)
His wish should simply be the desire to own, not to be loved by the other. The longing to own, to monopolise. The chains of absolute obedience are the illusion of the other’s “love”, and seeking to be constrained, he holds the other’s whip and bait. The desire to make the person who coerces him submit in return, the desire to subjugate, the motive to supplant his liege, perhaps this is where the origin lies.
It can’t be called love at all.
This isn’t loving him as a single person. Naoe can’t wish for that again. Even if he seeks it, maybe it won’t be there.
(It’s nothing but the inversion of strength and strength.)
Naoe has reached the point where he doesn’t know what true affection is. Since he thinks his feelings toward Kagetora aren’t true affection, maybe he has himself sealed off his attempts to get him.
It was a one way emotion, to never entangle anything but their bodies.
This love is the product of a twisted spirit.
A delusion. An illusion. A simple fake.
(That’s reality…)
Extinguishing his cigarette, Naoe started to climb the stairs in order to return to his room. The inn was in the style of an old western house, and stairs made of glossy wood, overlaid with red carpet, continued from the lobby to the second floor.
An old mirror is hanging up at the landing. Looking at himself reflecting in it, Naoe mocked himself for the abject ugliness. And then.
(Eh…)
He thinks, and turns around. There is definitely nobody there. Surprised, Naoe once more looked at the mirror.
(It can’t be!)
He doubted his eyes. Unthinking, he clung to the mirror. At his back, in the mirror, there is Takaya’s form.
“Takaya-san!”
Takaya is in the mirror. He rubbed his eyes and turned around but there’s no way Takaya is there, there isn’t the sense that anything’s there at all. Naoe returned his eyes to the mirror in shock. It’s not a hallucination or anything like that. It’s definitely Takaya. Takaya is in the mirror!
“Takaya-san! Why!”
— My little brother’s form is reflected in the mirror…!
He recalled Maiko’s words. Surely, this isn’t the condition that Maiko was talking about? But why. Why Takaya!
“Kagetora-sama!”
Naoe called to his master inside the mirror.
“What happened! Why are you there!”
Takaya doesn’t answer. He just keeps staring at Naoe. Simply laying his own hand over the image in the mirror in an attempt to reach out won’t touch him.
“What happened! Kagetora-sama!”
Clenching his fist, he beats at the mirror. A crack opened, and a sharp fissure ran just above Takaya’s heart. Abruptly, a blurry image hazed over his vision.
(……….!)
There’s no words. It’s some kind of scenery. There’s no doubt it’s a spirit image sent to Naoe from him. Naoe covered his mouth, stunned.
(Kagetora-sama…)
Seeing the hallucination of blood flow from Takaya’s skin where the crack has opened, Naoe stopped breathing. He couldn’t move. Eyes fixed on Takaya in the mirror, Naoe stood there frozen.
(It can’t be…)
Confronting the form of his master, trapped in the mirror, Naoe was temporarily struck speechless. He could do nothing more than feel himself pale as he stood there frozen.
And I've translated the chapter, so. (PS: I feel bad about spamming you guys with Mirage of Blaze all the time. If I created a filter, who'd want to be on it? Then again I don't want to stop people just surfing around for Mirage stuff to be blocked from access because I HATE it when that happens to me. Hm.)
CHAPTER NINE: THE BEAST IN THE MIRROR
“Takaya-san is missing?”
Naoe said into the receiver of the public phone in the inn’s lobby, shouting.
“What does that mean, Haruie. Did something happen to him!”
It was the evening of that day. Since last night, Naoe had been staying at Maiko’s inn at Chuuzenji Lakeside.
Ayako, on the other end of the line, answers like she’s troubled. Right now, she’s at her own home in Yokohama. Naoe had contacted her to help in the investigation of the case of the “tsutsuga mirror”, but hearing in response about the matter of what had happened at Nerima Castle yesterday, and that at the end of Takaya’s independent actions, he still hadn’t returned to Matsumoto, Naoe was taken completely by surprise and his tone became forceful. Because he was attacking Ayako with a ceaseless tirade of why did you leave him alone, what kind of stupidity is leaving him to get back on his own, it seemed Ayako herself grew sullen.
“There’s no need to get that angry! The one who should be told that is you, isn’t it? It’s mostly your fault. Why did you leave? Your role is supposed to be to stick by Kagetora.”
Naoe’s eyes widened, startled.
“I don’t know what happened, but you have to be by Kagetora’s side! You can’t leave him! What’s with Nikkou. What’s up with neglecting Kagetora when he’s like this! I just don’t get it at all!”
“………….”
Naoe stayed silent and drew his eyebrows together. Ayako was no longer able to bear the words of attack of Naoe, who had raised himself up on a ledge. Even now, far more than Chiaki, she’d always felt that she feels the same way as Naoe. She’d wanted to irritate Naoe’s worries, but she’s always endured wanting to tell him just that she understands how he feels.
But, she could no longer meet him there. Thinking Naoe is a horribly extravagant and selfish person, her words grew more reckless without intending to.
“You have Kagetora! Whatever you say, your most important person is right there, isn’t he! You’re completely spoiled! No matter what happened, you should have been there right to the end!”
“Haruie…”
“What’s with the meaningless fussing. You love Kagetora, don’t you! You love him more than anyone, right! Don’t lie that you can’t have your wish granted! You! You can’t part from him again! For every second of every minute, stay by his side!”
Ayako was shouting frantically. Towards the end it seemed her voice had become a little teary.
“Why are you crying? Haruie.”
“I, I don’t know! You’re so spoiled, it’s pathetic! And yet I’ve been waiting two hundred years, and still can’t see him… Even though I wouldn’t be able to prove if it was him or not when I did meet him! You’re so spoiled! You really are so spoiled!”
“………..”
Ayako was making a comparison with her lover from two hundred years ago. Naoe makes a bewildered face at Ayako, who’s started crying over the line.
“… I understand. It’s okay now…”
“You don’t understand! You don’t understand anything! For you, he’s right there! That’s happiness enough! You don’t understand!”
She’s half-hysterical. Thinking it was like she was trying to have a lover’s spat with her lover, Naoe smiled bitterly.
“It’s okay now… I’m sorry I made you worry.”
“If you really think so, hurry up and go find Kagetora. Whatever you say Kagetora is waiting for you to pick him up! Even that time, definitely… even when there was Minako, you’re what Kagetora really needed.”
The bitter smile disappears abruptly from Naoe’s face. Expression darkening slightly, he closed his eyes.
“I suppose you could say that.”
“You can’t leave him. You can never leave him again. This is for your sake.”
(For my sake…?)
Naoe mocks himself, mouthing the words. There’s no way it could be anything like that. Not being able to part from Kagetora is only suffering. Not being able to part from the Absolute… from his only dictator, just causes pain.
(You’ll end it, won’t you?)
He murmurs, as if confirming with himself.
That this time for sure he will punch the hole for the last stop in his four hundred year lifetime… This battle is a battle to settle everything. This is not a battle that will continue on to tomorrow. It’s a battle to finish everything.
When the << Yami Sengoku >> is destroyed, that is his final decision. That is his separation from Kagetora, that is the day he will cease to be “Naoe Nobutsuna”. That is how he will escape from the pain of loving just one person so much. If he cannot escape from him, there’s nothing to do but throw away his own self away.
(I’ll part from everything…)
He’ll end this << Yami Sengoku >>… Until then, that is the time he is permitted to live for. If he considers how long he has endured the pain until now, it’s no big deal. He’ll settle his past with Kagetora. His own feelings, Minako, his own crime of violating him, he’ll settle all of it…
From that insensible dictator—.
(I will be freed from that person…)
“Naoe? What’s wrong, Naoe?”
The sudden change in Ayako’s worried voice snaps him out of it. Naoe carved a cold smile into the edge of his mouth.
“Nothing…”
Telling Ayako that he’d contact Takaya’s house from his end, and concluding their other business, Naoe hung up. Ayako hadn’t become aware of the conclusion Naoe had reached. His camouflage is now not so easily seen through by anyone.
When he sets the receiver down and turns at the sense of another, Maiko has been standing behind him for some time.
“Asaoka-san…”
“Was the phone call just now from someone female?”
Naoe’s expression is dubious. He felt as though, for an instant, he’d seen the face of a malicious woman in sweet Maiko’s face. However, Maiko immediately became aware of herself. Looking as though she’d snapped out of it, she returned to her usual self.
“The preparation for dinner is done. I thought I’d tell you so, but you weren’t in your room, so… is it okay for you to be up?”
“The pain has gone down considerably. It seems to have gotten manageable.”
Maiko’s expression is apologetic. The wound Naoe had received from the tsutsuga had been more serious than they’d thought, and though he’d received medical care at a hospital, dealing with a fever in the depth of the wound and going back were beyond his control, and in the end, he had been taken care of for the night at Maiko’s family’s inn. Even on the next day the fever still hadn’t gone down, so it had been decided that Katakura would go investigate in his place and inform him of every detail.
Over a day the situation has gotten worse again. Apparently this morning a human’s face had been discovered on the surface of one of the three holy trees of Futarasan Shrine. That had been the left splint. The condition was much the same as Shinya, and the face was the face of that tsutsuga sacrifice who had supposedly jumped at the Gegon Falls yesterday.
Furthermore, he’d heard that a large number of cedar trees throughout the Nikkou Mountain region, while not quite so vivid, also had things that seemed to be human faces on their surfaces.
They’d heard the story from Kousaka and Kojyuurou had once more headed out to Futarasan Shrine, and he’d also proceeded with investigations into what kind of person the Gengon Falls sacrifice had been. Naoe had intended to help, but urged by Maiko and Kojyuurou, he’d had no choice but to stay at the inn and heal, although…
“There’s no need for you to look after me any further. I’ll be leaving tomorrow morning. There’s the thing with your younger brother, and there’s no need for me to laze about sleeping.”
“Please don’t overdo it!”
Maiko said, like she was clinging to him.
“For… the sake of my younger brother, you were injured this badly. I’m truly grateful, but I don’t understand. If you overdo it and don’t recover, I—”
“It’s not such a big deal.”
“No!”
Maiko said clearly, then faltered momentarily when she tried to follow on with something more. However, Maiko looked up at Naoe with determination.
“If something like that were to happen to Tachibana-san, I…! I—…”
“………”
It seemed Naoe could read Maiko’s thoughts from that earnest gaze of hers.
“Asaoka-san…”
She’s a sweet girl. To be looked at with such a clinging gaze by a beautiful woman like her, most men, even if they didn’t return her feelings, would undoubtedly react with a thumping heart.
Thinking that, Naoe smiled. In reality, it’s the same for him. If he recognised her feelings for truth, he thinks he could probably embrace her right now. But, that is—
(I suppose it’s a matter of… if only my heart weren’t already settled on that person.)
Maiko doesn’t understand the true nature of the smile that floats on his face at that thought. Maiko thinks that she wants to try touching the thing like a ball of heat hidden within this man’s calm exterior to see what it’s like. Even though it doesn’t emerge in his expression, Maiko knows for sure that it exists. Perhaps this is the thing called woman’s intuition.
“… Thank you.”
So answering, the man throws a smile at Maiko. Maiko wants to protest that it’s okay if touching his real self burns her, but she knows, too, what type his smiling kindness is. It is a kindness that he gives to anyone, provided for tens of thousands of people.
It’s not something he gives to just one person alone.
“… I understand.”
Suppressing the tears that well up, Maiko dropped her head.
“I understand, but I—”
“……….”
Naoe looked down at Maiko, covering her face, and bewildered, he spoke in a gentle tone.
“It seems somehow, I exist to cause you to cry.”
Maiko sobbed several times, thinking that that must be so. She cried in a way that was like she was subconsciously fawning over him, maybe because the way this man looked just a little unsteady around her gave her hope.
While Naoe is aware of the “woman” inside Maiko, he knows well how serious she is toward him, and so he thinks he doesn’t want to make her a disposable tool to clear away his own pain.
Maiko thinks it would be okay to be a temporary tool, but Naoe possesses a paternal kindness, and he refused that in order not to hurt her.
“They must be such a wonderful person…”
Maiko mumbled haltingly.
“A person who is valuable enough to be treasured by Tachibana-san… I wonder what kind of person that could be.”
Wiping her eyes, Maiko finally smiled. Returning her smile, Naoe answered.
“If you ever meet them, I’m sure that you’ll know, too.”
A person who is only worth that much, Naoe said, and closed his eyes sadly. Seeing that, Maiko’s gaze changed like now she was the one who would look after him.
“I understand. They’re a person who is very strong-willed an resolute, spoiled even though they’re cold, high-handed, so beautiful you can’t touch them, and…”
“……..”
“That… is an unrewarding love, isn’t it.”
Naoe’s face was surprised. He was once more concerned about what an incredible thing womanly intuition was. So much so that he wondered, if her brother had something like a precognitive ability, maybe Maiko possessed an ability of perception.
Kagetora’s sharply honed gaze revives at the back of his mind.
“They are an underhanded person…”
Naoe murmured, and smiled again.
“Too underhanded, and I can’t defy them.”
Maiko gazes at Naoe with a motherly expression.
“Will you take your meal in your room?”
Maiko returned to her usual self.
“Earlier, there was a phone call from Katakura-san. It seems he’s at Nikkou station right now, although he thinks he’ll be able to come back soon. What would you like to do? Will you eat without him?”
“No, I’ll wait. Eating a meal by yourself is lonely.”
Maiko was about to say, me too, but thinking that there would be talk about the job that they wouldn’t want her to hear, she restrained herself from asking. I’d better go help the waiter, she said, and started to walk toward the kitchen.
“I’ll see you later.”
Watching Maiko leave, Naoe took a packet of cigarettes from his pocket. Putting one in his mouth, he lights it. Leaning against the wall, he smiled again.
(An unrewarding love…?)
If being bound by obedience and loyalty like that could be called “love”, perhaps you really could say that. However, it wasn’t that unrewarding. It’s a “love” he can’t wish to be returned.
(It’s just a twisted longing to own.)
His wish should simply be the desire to own, not to be loved by the other. The longing to own, to monopolise. The chains of absolute obedience are the illusion of the other’s “love”, and seeking to be constrained, he holds the other’s whip and bait. The desire to make the person who coerces him submit in return, the desire to subjugate, the motive to supplant his liege, perhaps this is where the origin lies.
It can’t be called love at all.
This isn’t loving him as a single person. Naoe can’t wish for that again. Even if he seeks it, maybe it won’t be there.
(It’s nothing but the inversion of strength and strength.)
Naoe has reached the point where he doesn’t know what true affection is. Since he thinks his feelings toward Kagetora aren’t true affection, maybe he has himself sealed off his attempts to get him.
It was a one way emotion, to never entangle anything but their bodies.
This love is the product of a twisted spirit.
A delusion. An illusion. A simple fake.
(That’s reality…)
Extinguishing his cigarette, Naoe started to climb the stairs in order to return to his room. The inn was in the style of an old western house, and stairs made of glossy wood, overlaid with red carpet, continued from the lobby to the second floor.
An old mirror is hanging up at the landing. Looking at himself reflecting in it, Naoe mocked himself for the abject ugliness. And then.
(Eh…)
He thinks, and turns around. There is definitely nobody there. Surprised, Naoe once more looked at the mirror.
(It can’t be!)
He doubted his eyes. Unthinking, he clung to the mirror. At his back, in the mirror, there is Takaya’s form.
“Takaya-san!”
Takaya is in the mirror. He rubbed his eyes and turned around but there’s no way Takaya is there, there isn’t the sense that anything’s there at all. Naoe returned his eyes to the mirror in shock. It’s not a hallucination or anything like that. It’s definitely Takaya. Takaya is in the mirror!
“Takaya-san! Why!”
— My little brother’s form is reflected in the mirror…!
He recalled Maiko’s words. Surely, this isn’t the condition that Maiko was talking about? But why. Why Takaya!
“Kagetora-sama!”
Naoe called to his master inside the mirror.
“What happened! Why are you there!”
Takaya doesn’t answer. He just keeps staring at Naoe. Simply laying his own hand over the image in the mirror in an attempt to reach out won’t touch him.
“What happened! Kagetora-sama!”
Clenching his fist, he beats at the mirror. A crack opened, and a sharp fissure ran just above Takaya’s heart. Abruptly, a blurry image hazed over his vision.
(……….!)
There’s no words. It’s some kind of scenery. There’s no doubt it’s a spirit image sent to Naoe from him. Naoe covered his mouth, stunned.
(Kagetora-sama…)
Seeing the hallucination of blood flow from Takaya’s skin where the crack has opened, Naoe stopped breathing. He couldn’t move. Eyes fixed on Takaya in the mirror, Naoe stood there frozen.
(It can’t be…)
Confronting the form of his master, trapped in the mirror, Naoe was temporarily struck speechless. He could do nothing more than feel himself pale as he stood there frozen.
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Date: 2007-11-18 07:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-22 02:09 am (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2008-06-18 06:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-28 04:14 am (UTC)OMG
Date: 2009-11-19 01:33 am (UTC)