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tammaiyaReally I've got a lot of things to be grateful for and mostly this boils down to petty whining. In fact a lot of this smacks of privilege and I'm complaining about things that I chose myself to do. However, I need to get this out of my system, so taking that as read-- a list of things that are annoying me, starting with the most petty and fleeting and working roughly up to the somewhat more substantial.
1. Last night there were these really major winds blowing. They did not wake me up, as I was still awake. However, when I tried to open the glass sliding door to see wtf was going on, it stuck, and then when I tried to unstick it, it came completely off the tracks and I had to go outside in the windstorm to try and put it back. Eventually I had to wake my parents to help because glass is fucking heavy, yo, and I couldn't lift it by myself. This was valuable time that could have been spent sleeping, and subsequently I'm fucking tired.
2. "Tired" has been my default state of being for a while now. It is set to continue being so, especially since I have a meeting at 8am tomorrow. My body strongly disputes the existence of Before 8 as an actual time. I can manage 8, but before 8-- I usually only see it from the wrong way round, let's put it that way.
3. Consequently, I've been breaking my anti-caffeine rule a lot.
3.5 Also I don't have the time or energy to blog about anything I do and that makes me feel bad.
4. Why am I so busy and tired, you ask? I am doing 5 subjects. As in, full load + 1. 3 of these are law. One is in fact law in Japanese- it's the Japanese arbitration/negotiation comp. I did not exactly plan this; it just happened. And I'm glad I got into the comp. But GOD I'm tired.
5. It's not helped by the fact that rather than having a final exam like a nice, normal, SANE law subject, Family Law has 4 assignments. They're not even the normal kind of assignment. And I think I bollocksed up the first one. It was only worth 15%, but every mark counts in law especially.
5.5 I had an equity exam last night. It was non-redeemable. I don't know how it went and I feel a bit wary about it.
6. My Japanese classes have assignments and weekly commitments out the wazoo. There are deadlines flying all over the place. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm stressed. Especially by the English->Japanese translations, which are so far above my comfort zone and take forever to do because they're often in really difficult, academic English. I'm basically fluent in Japanese and can generally convey what I want to, but it's harder when translating because you don't have that flexibility to change it to something that you know how to say that carries the same general meaning and you're stuck with trying to render this English jargon into a second language in a way that is appropriate to that language and... well, generally I end up with grammatical mistakes or unnatural phrasing or something. It's very stressful and time-consuming.
7. Speaking of deadlines, big bang is looming (the other reason I'm so busy and lacking in sleep) and there are all these assignments lurking between now and September 15 (by which time the first draft is due) like landmines. It's currently 26000 words. I'm about halfway. I hope. I am seriously wondering how I'll finish it in time.
8. I have to book my ticket to fly to Japan in December by this Friday if I want to get a cheap ticket. Unfortunately because it's a discount sale there's a condition about no changing flight dates, and I have no idea how long I can afford to stay or if my mother will expect me to be in Australia for Christmas, etc. I'm extremely lucky and happy to be going but this is weighing on my mind. I'm terrible at making decisions and I find it really hard to assess my financial situation. I'm thinking of just going for the maximum period allowed by the conditions of the ticket (35 days, a week of which would be spent on the competition) and then just copping the interest on my credit card if I don't have enough to cover it.
9. This is the main one... A year or so ago my father's firm merged with the firm next door. My father became a contractor instead of a partner, my mother continued as an employee (and kind of hated the new firm a lot). Now the new merged firm is being taken over by a big corporate firm and a lot of changes are being made. They're not doing any conveyancing work, so Dad is moving to a new firm. My mother will be made redundant as of the 1st of October. Because she's 60, only works part time and works in an area of the law that's contracting (negligence and worker's compensation), plus the economy is still wobbly, this is effectively forced retirement. She has mixed feelings about this. She's hated working for the firm since it merged and has found it stressful, so she's partly relieved. However, she's also worried about whether we'll have enough money and what she'll spend her time on-- the last time she wasn't working she was looking after small children. And in the meantime, she's continuing to go to work in this really depressing environment. Dad, meanwhile, is really stressed and busy and trying to move all his files over to the new firm. He should take a holiday, but he says he doesn't have time and his health is suffering. So I'm worried about my parents and they're tired and stressed and I was worried about my mum getting depressed. She seems to be feeling more positive about it now, she's talking about all these things she's going to buy to fill her retirement with (including, much to my O__o reaction, a DS and brain training games) and things she'll do (like a computer course), so I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about that, but Dad still worries me.
Phew, that was long. This is the first time I've actually talked about it all to someone who doesn't already know about it-- which actually means the first time I've mentioned it outside talking to my parents, my aunt and my older brother. We found out several weeks ago, but I haven't really been able to put it into words. Anyway.
Okay, now I've got all that whining out of the way I feel a lot better. I swear the next post (whenever that may be) will be more interesting and positive.
1. Last night there were these really major winds blowing. They did not wake me up, as I was still awake. However, when I tried to open the glass sliding door to see wtf was going on, it stuck, and then when I tried to unstick it, it came completely off the tracks and I had to go outside in the windstorm to try and put it back. Eventually I had to wake my parents to help because glass is fucking heavy, yo, and I couldn't lift it by myself. This was valuable time that could have been spent sleeping, and subsequently I'm fucking tired.
2. "Tired" has been my default state of being for a while now. It is set to continue being so, especially since I have a meeting at 8am tomorrow. My body strongly disputes the existence of Before 8 as an actual time. I can manage 8, but before 8-- I usually only see it from the wrong way round, let's put it that way.
3. Consequently, I've been breaking my anti-caffeine rule a lot.
3.5 Also I don't have the time or energy to blog about anything I do and that makes me feel bad.
4. Why am I so busy and tired, you ask? I am doing 5 subjects. As in, full load + 1. 3 of these are law. One is in fact law in Japanese- it's the Japanese arbitration/negotiation comp. I did not exactly plan this; it just happened. And I'm glad I got into the comp. But GOD I'm tired.
5. It's not helped by the fact that rather than having a final exam like a nice, normal, SANE law subject, Family Law has 4 assignments. They're not even the normal kind of assignment. And I think I bollocksed up the first one. It was only worth 15%, but every mark counts in law especially.
5.5 I had an equity exam last night. It was non-redeemable. I don't know how it went and I feel a bit wary about it.
6. My Japanese classes have assignments and weekly commitments out the wazoo. There are deadlines flying all over the place. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm stressed. Especially by the English->Japanese translations, which are so far above my comfort zone and take forever to do because they're often in really difficult, academic English. I'm basically fluent in Japanese and can generally convey what I want to, but it's harder when translating because you don't have that flexibility to change it to something that you know how to say that carries the same general meaning and you're stuck with trying to render this English jargon into a second language in a way that is appropriate to that language and... well, generally I end up with grammatical mistakes or unnatural phrasing or something. It's very stressful and time-consuming.
7. Speaking of deadlines, big bang is looming (the other reason I'm so busy and lacking in sleep) and there are all these assignments lurking between now and September 15 (by which time the first draft is due) like landmines. It's currently 26000 words. I'm about halfway. I hope. I am seriously wondering how I'll finish it in time.
8. I have to book my ticket to fly to Japan in December by this Friday if I want to get a cheap ticket. Unfortunately because it's a discount sale there's a condition about no changing flight dates, and I have no idea how long I can afford to stay or if my mother will expect me to be in Australia for Christmas, etc. I'm extremely lucky and happy to be going but this is weighing on my mind. I'm terrible at making decisions and I find it really hard to assess my financial situation. I'm thinking of just going for the maximum period allowed by the conditions of the ticket (35 days, a week of which would be spent on the competition) and then just copping the interest on my credit card if I don't have enough to cover it.
9. This is the main one... A year or so ago my father's firm merged with the firm next door. My father became a contractor instead of a partner, my mother continued as an employee (and kind of hated the new firm a lot). Now the new merged firm is being taken over by a big corporate firm and a lot of changes are being made. They're not doing any conveyancing work, so Dad is moving to a new firm. My mother will be made redundant as of the 1st of October. Because she's 60, only works part time and works in an area of the law that's contracting (negligence and worker's compensation), plus the economy is still wobbly, this is effectively forced retirement. She has mixed feelings about this. She's hated working for the firm since it merged and has found it stressful, so she's partly relieved. However, she's also worried about whether we'll have enough money and what she'll spend her time on-- the last time she wasn't working she was looking after small children. And in the meantime, she's continuing to go to work in this really depressing environment. Dad, meanwhile, is really stressed and busy and trying to move all his files over to the new firm. He should take a holiday, but he says he doesn't have time and his health is suffering. So I'm worried about my parents and they're tired and stressed and I was worried about my mum getting depressed. She seems to be feeling more positive about it now, she's talking about all these things she's going to buy to fill her retirement with (including, much to my O__o reaction, a DS and brain training games) and things she'll do (like a computer course), so I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about that, but Dad still worries me.
Phew, that was long. This is the first time I've actually talked about it all to someone who doesn't already know about it-- which actually means the first time I've mentioned it outside talking to my parents, my aunt and my older brother. We found out several weeks ago, but I haven't really been able to put it into words. Anyway.
Okay, now I've got all that whining out of the way I feel a lot better. I swear the next post (whenever that may be) will be more interesting and positive.
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no subject
Date: 2009-08-25 10:12 pm (UTC)It sucks while living at home when the parents' woes become your own by default just to top off everything else that's going on in your life ><;; Especially in the most difficult time of your life known as UNI ;-;
I hope you feel better soon and you shall have hugs from me when I see you for 和英訳 today :D/
no subject
Date: 2009-08-27 03:58 am (UTC)Not too much you can do about your parents' situation, though.