![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tammaiyaEugenie helped until her internet died. People, prepare to have your minds broken. It is our novel, and it is a work of... *cough* Genius.
Once upon a time there was a mugglewomp named Snootle. Snootle the mugglewomp was feeling rather happy today, for he had just found a sausage. This sausage was a lovely little sausage named Baldrick. Baldrick was just the kind of sausage Snootle liked- all plump and hot on the outside.
Baldrick and Snootle were having a lovely day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and each had found a new friend. It was the best day of Snootle's life. He couldn't help but admire the wonderful smell of Baldrick, though. Alas, it was making Snootle terribly hungry, and he wondered how on earth he was to tell this to Baldrick.
Baldrick looked very succulent- he gleamed in a way no best friend should. Snootle licked his lip-like appendages in anticipation...of what, he couldn't tell.
How about, "Baldrick... I am afraid I am lusting after your body." No. While it did have its appeal, Snootle did not feel that this would be sufficient. "Baldrick, I find you to be extremely attractive, and I think it's time-" No. No, this would take some serious planning. Snootle sat down to think, and Baldrick looked a bit lost.
Baldrick was beginning to cook in the hot sun, and the grease was just rolling off him. Snootle didn't know how long he could last.
Gulping, Snootle realised that honesty was indeed the best policy. "Baldrick?"
He took a deep breath. "you're a succulant little sausage and I'm desperate to shove your salty meat down my throat."
Baldrick blinked in surprise. "But my dear Snootle, that's so very... FORWARD of you. We've only just met!"
Snootle sighed. "I know, dear Baldrick. I find myself unable to comprehend it. All I know is that I can not last like this much longer."
Baldrick looked rather worried. "Oh dear. Can't we find a compromise? Maybe you could just lick me a little?"
Snootle sighed some more, the air spilling out of his lungs like a waterfall. "One lick may lead to more, m'dear - as I've found out, haha, many a cold...wintery...*cough." He looked uncomfortable
There was an awkward silence. "Snootle, you haven't been cheating on me by any chance... have you?" Baldrick asked suspiciously.
Snootle was most indignant. "Excuse ME! How could you accuse me of such a thing? It was hardly cheating before we've met, now WAS it?"
Baldrick ate a passing dragon fly.
Snootle gasped in shock and affront. "BALDRICK! How could you? And in front of me, too. You know how I feel about you!"
Baldrick drew himself up to his full but rather inconsiderable height. "If you can do it, then why should my rights be any less?"
Snootle sobbed. "Why will you not believe me? Do you think I am a LIAR? I told you I have never cheated on you! I'm sorry, Baldrick. I can't DEAL with this!"
Baldrick sighed sadly. "Maybe we need to take a break. I really do feel like I'm trapped. I need some more experience before I'm ready to make a commitment like this, Snootle!"
Snootle couldn't accept this. Snarling, he pounced on Baldrick, eating him ravenously and ravishingly against his will. Swallowing in satisfaction, Snootle paused and began to cry. "Oh, what have I DONE?"
The End. Stay tuned for next week, "The Case of the Crazy Ex", when Baldrick gets reincarnated as a happy little toad and stalks Snootle.
*exhausted sigh* There we go!
Once upon a time there was a mugglewomp named Snootle. Snootle the mugglewomp was feeling rather happy today, for he had just found a sausage. This sausage was a lovely little sausage named Baldrick. Baldrick was just the kind of sausage Snootle liked- all plump and hot on the outside.
Baldrick and Snootle were having a lovely day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and each had found a new friend. It was the best day of Snootle's life. He couldn't help but admire the wonderful smell of Baldrick, though. Alas, it was making Snootle terribly hungry, and he wondered how on earth he was to tell this to Baldrick.
Baldrick looked very succulent- he gleamed in a way no best friend should. Snootle licked his lip-like appendages in anticipation...of what, he couldn't tell.
How about, "Baldrick... I am afraid I am lusting after your body." No. While it did have its appeal, Snootle did not feel that this would be sufficient. "Baldrick, I find you to be extremely attractive, and I think it's time-" No. No, this would take some serious planning. Snootle sat down to think, and Baldrick looked a bit lost.
Baldrick was beginning to cook in the hot sun, and the grease was just rolling off him. Snootle didn't know how long he could last.
Gulping, Snootle realised that honesty was indeed the best policy. "Baldrick?"
He took a deep breath. "you're a succulant little sausage and I'm desperate to shove your salty meat down my throat."
Baldrick blinked in surprise. "But my dear Snootle, that's so very... FORWARD of you. We've only just met!"
Snootle sighed. "I know, dear Baldrick. I find myself unable to comprehend it. All I know is that I can not last like this much longer."
Baldrick looked rather worried. "Oh dear. Can't we find a compromise? Maybe you could just lick me a little?"
Snootle sighed some more, the air spilling out of his lungs like a waterfall. "One lick may lead to more, m'dear - as I've found out, haha, many a cold...wintery...*cough." He looked uncomfortable
There was an awkward silence. "Snootle, you haven't been cheating on me by any chance... have you?" Baldrick asked suspiciously.
Snootle was most indignant. "Excuse ME! How could you accuse me of such a thing? It was hardly cheating before we've met, now WAS it?"
Baldrick ate a passing dragon fly.
Snootle gasped in shock and affront. "BALDRICK! How could you? And in front of me, too. You know how I feel about you!"
Baldrick drew himself up to his full but rather inconsiderable height. "If you can do it, then why should my rights be any less?"
Snootle sobbed. "Why will you not believe me? Do you think I am a LIAR? I told you I have never cheated on you! I'm sorry, Baldrick. I can't DEAL with this!"
Baldrick sighed sadly. "Maybe we need to take a break. I really do feel like I'm trapped. I need some more experience before I'm ready to make a commitment like this, Snootle!"
Snootle couldn't accept this. Snarling, he pounced on Baldrick, eating him ravenously and ravishingly against his will. Swallowing in satisfaction, Snootle paused and began to cry. "Oh, what have I DONE?"
The End. Stay tuned for next week, "The Case of the Crazy Ex", when Baldrick gets reincarnated as a happy little toad and stalks Snootle.
*exhausted sigh* There we go!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-07-10 08:06 am (UTC)that was my one line, and i stick to it *sniff*
i am so very proud to have been a part of such literary greatness.
Re:
Date: 2003-07-10 08:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-11 04:33 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-07-11 05:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-11 05:53 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-07-11 06:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-16 10:15 pm (UTC)