I love holidays so. Damn. Much. ^ ^
Apr. 14th, 2003 10:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tammaiyaTalked to Mari till 12.30 last night. (this morning?) Have promised to call Ashie today to work on Arthur's World. Am talking to my brother via email, and when he enquired as to why I'm home on a Monday, most smugly informed that I'm on holidays. HELL yeah. ^ ^
And here is the Arthur stuff as promised, e-chan. It's really long, especially once I add in the character stuff, so you've been warned. ^ ^; And I'm sorry- I really CAN'T change Lan's name. Ashie and I tried for about 10 minutes and came up with zip. *sigh* If it really bothers you, you can come up with a name and do the copy-paste-find-replace thing.
Eugenie, feel free to skip the profiles- they may get boring, and they're partly here to help me. ^ ^;
Arthur= Arthur
Is 15. Past shoulder-length, thick, shaggy blue-black hair; big, almond-shaped jade-green eyes; olive skin, delicate features, high cheek-bones, short, slender. Mother is a gypsy. (Arthur gets mocked a lot for being a "pretty boy"; Merlin sometimes does too, but to nowhere near the same extent.)
Merlin= Merlin
Is 17. Shoulder-length, straight blue-black hair; big almond-shaped amber-brown eyes; olive skin, delicate features, high cheek-bones; tall, slender, has gold-frame wire reading glasses. Arthur's older brother.
Lancelot= Lan
16. Eye-level, honey blond, silky straight hair; cobalt blue eyes; fair skin, strong bone structure; tall, not stocky but solidly built. Arthur hates him on sight.
Guinevere= Galadriel
15. Long, hip-length cornsilk blonde hair. So wavy it looks crimped. Eyes are cornflower blue, has fair skin, and a willowy but strong frame. Is taller than Arthur. Tends to wear peasant tops, long flowing skirts and no shoes- mother is a hippy, hence the name Galadriel River Moonchild. She and Arthur initially dislike each other, but become good friends. Galadriel is actually Lan's younger sister, but their parents got divorced when they were little and their mother became a hippy. Lan went with father, and Galadriel's name was changed from Bella to Galadriel.
Galahad= Lucas
18. (Yes, older than Lan.) Stawberry blond hair, grey eyes. Medium height. Is a lot eviller than Galahad used to be- a lot more prone to getting his way, generally by playing with people's minds. Haven't really thought much about him yet. Is friends with Merlin.
Mordred= Damien
19. Has semi-long, slightly spiky brown hair and blue eyes. Is an Arts student at Uni majoring Graphic Design, and delights in being INCREDIBLY gay. Is very sweet, very friendly, and does things like wearing pink-tinted lip gloss just to piss people off.
Vivanne= Vivian
19. Vivian is also an Arts student, but majors in Medieval history. She has mid-back-length, wavy vibrant red hair and emerald green eyes. She's tall, solidly built and curvaceous. Has been best friends with Damien for years, and now they share a dorm. Is a flaming rainbow weasel of gay pride (thank you for the term, e-chan) and goes to lots of gay rights rallies and such like. Is otherwise a stereotypical student- lives in jean, drinks too much coffee, complains about finals, etc.
Nimue= Pandora
21. Has soft, wavy brown hair and brown eyes. Student teacher at Arthur's school, and Damien's older sister. She's gentle, quiet and kind.
Gareth= Gareth
16. Is tall, has curly black hair and brown eyes. Damien and Pandora's younger step-brother. He's friends with Arthur AND Lan, which is no small feat.
Percivale= Percy
15. Has wavy, bright red hair often pulled back into a short pony tail and grey eyes. He's short and rather skinny, which is a sore point with him, and has both ears pierced, but generally only wears an earring in one. He's Viv's younger brother. Doesn't much like Gareth, especially not when he starts making passes.
Kay= Kay
Kay is 17, tall, and has red hair and hazel eyes. He's friends with Merlin, and is brother to Viv and Percy. He's the vaguely sensible one.
Gawain= Will
16. Stawberry blond hair, blue eyes, Lucas' younger brother. Is quiet, a dreamer, says a lot of very strange things, but knows what he wants and how to get it. Friends with Arthur AND Lan. (Hard, but not impossible)
Morgan= Meiran
15. Is Chinese, has staight, silky mid-back-length black hair and brown-black eyes. Short, delicate and petite. Very quiet, often has a slight smile on her face. Arthur is a bit unnerved by her at first. Meiran is sort of friends with Lan, but is often a loner.
Gaheris= Kit
18, does Engineering at Uni. Friends with Damien and Vivian. Has short, spiky black hair, olive skin, and brown-black eyes. Friendly, caring. Wears a leather jacket and black jeans a lot, and has pierced ears. Loves his moterbike. Kit is Meiran's older half-brother.
Everett
Everett has no age, as he is a fire-demon that Merlin summoned accidentally who now refuses to go away. He has semi-long, VERY spiky black hair, red-gold eyes, and an attitude. Loves to tease and crack on to Merlin. Merlin dislikes him intensely, but doesn't know how to get rid of him.
....... that took too long. *pout* Here's the actual storyness. Be warned- it's not consecutive. It's just random scenes I felt like writing, some BEFORE they find out who they are, and some AFTER. Wheeeeeeee. I tried to get them vaguely in order.
Arthur stared at his mother in something akin to shock. “No. No way. You are so not serious. You aren’t, are you? Please, please tell me you’re not.”
Cassie sighed. “For goodness sake, Arthur, it’s really not that bad. I don’t know what you’re complaining about.”
Merlin rolled his eyes. “How about the fact that we’re going to be ridiculed in yet another town? It’s taken this long to get the kids at school to stop laughing at us, and we can tell that the teachers are sniggering behind our backs too, you know. What on earth possessed you to saddle your poor defenceless sons with such ridiculous names, I will never know.”
Their mother smiled mysteriously as she always did when Merlin made that comment. “I’m sure you will one day, Merlin. For now, however, it would be nice if you would start packing. We’re leaving in less than a week.”
Arthur stamped his foot. “You didn’t answer me! Why are we moving again? I’m sick of moving! We never stay anywhere for more than 6 months. How do you ever expect us to adjust?”
Cassie merely shrugged, eyes shuttered. “Anything you don’t pack will be left behind.” She turned around and went back to washing the dishes, a clear sign that the conversation was now over. Arthur opened his mouth to start arguing again, but Merlin grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the kitchen before he could make things worse.
Once they had reached the hall, Arthur yanked his arm back and turned to glare at his older brother furiously. “What the fuck,” he hissed, “did you do that for?”
Merlin crossed his arms. “Arthur, you know that it wouldn’t do any good.”
Arthur clenched his fists and stood trembling with suppressed rage for a few seconds before spinning on his heel and stalking up the stairs to their bedroom. Merlin winced and followed the angered teen, leaning against the doorframe with a rueful expression.
“Arthur-”
Arthur had his face buried in his pillow, arms curled around his head. Merlin bit his lip. "Arthur, it's not THAT bad-"
"Not that bad? We're moving to WALES!" Arthur wailed.
(um, in this next scene, Arthur and Lan are dancing, Arthur is wearing a dress and Lan doesn't know who he is. There is a REASON for this, I just haven't written the preceding scene yet. Sorry. ^ ^;)
Arthur was beginning to sweat from being in close proximity to Lan for such an extended period of time. It was making him uncomfortable, but there was very little he could do about it, given the circumstances. Lan dragged him even closer on the next turn, and Arthur was beginning to wonder about how much closer they could get without there being some form of splicing involved.
Lan bent to whisper in Arthur’s ear, breath warm and voice low. “Enjoying yourself?”
Arthur squeaked, then deliberately turned his head away so he wouldn’t have to look at his partner. “As this is entirely under duress and in no way my own choice, I should hardly think my opinion would matter.”
Lan raised an eyebrow. “Now, now, no need to be so disagreeable. I was asking you an honest question.”
“Must you always be such an arrogant prick, Lan?” Arthur spat.
Lan narrowed his eyes. “How do you know my name? As far as I’m aware, I never told you what it was.”
“I, um, someone must have mentioned it,” Arthur stuttered nervously.
Lan continued to study him suspiciously. “Right. And you were making assumptions about my general behaviour why, exactly? Are you sure we haven’t met before? You never did tell me your name, I recall.”
Arthur stumbled, and freed his arm in the process. “If you’ll excuse me, I think I need to go to- to the bathroom. I’ll see you later!” Desperately, Arthur fled from the dance floor into the crowd, checking that the coast was clear before ducking outside. He was leaning against the wall gasping for breath when a sarcastic and recognizable voice halted his mind in its tracks.
“Bathroom, huh? That’s original. I’ve never heard anyone refer to this area as a bathroom before, but I suppose it makes a twisted sense.”
“Fuck off.” Arthur snapped.
“Not until you explain exactly who you are and what you’re so cranky about,” Lan replied evenly. Arthur shot him a look of pure hatred, but didn’t say anything.
“You know,” Lan remarked idly, “you do look strangely familiar. In fact,” and here he grabbed Arthur’s chin, forcing him to look at him, “I’m surprised I didn’t realise it was you before, Arthur.”
Arthur cringed. “Alright, this officially sucks, back off, go away.”
Lan was staring at him with an inscrutable expression. “So, would you like to tell me why you’re going around cross-dressing? Of course, I may be mistaken. You could have been a girl the whole time- you’re certainly pretty enough. So, beautiful, what you got to say about it?”
“You bastard!” Arthur exploded. “What is your problem? Why can’t you just leave me the hell alone?”
Lan smiled smoothly. “Did you want to pick a fight, Arthur? Because I can assure you, you won’t win.”
Arthur, without thinking, moved to attack. He found himself slammed against the wall with his wrists pinned back, Lan shoving into him. Briefly, he reflected that he had been wrong previously- it was physically possible to get closer without any splicing involved. Breathless, Arthur opened his mouth to make a retort that was probably highly unwise, but before he got a word out he found that it was impossible to do so. Mind blank, Arthur couldn’t comprehend what was going on until he had lost all hope of retaliation.
Lan was kissing him roughly, brutally and ruthlessly plundering his mouth and leaving him helpless and incapable of thought. As his hands were now free, he was technically able to fight back, but truthfully, he hadn’t even considered it. Automatically, he began to kiss back, one arm sliding around Lan’s waist and the other hand clutching at his hair. Lan shoved a knee between his thighs, and he linked his leg around the back of it.
It was about then that Merlin found them.
“Arthur? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarthur?” Walking around the corner, Merlin stopped still, eyes widening. “Uh, hi. I was just looking for Arthur, but as you guys are so obviously busy, I’ll leave you to it. Bye!” Merlin exclaimed brightly. Waving, he turned around and walked off, leaving Arthur feeling like he had been doused in cold water. Being returned to his senses at this precise moment was not pleasant at all; it made him realise exactly what he had been doing, and with whom. Closing his eyes, Arthur let his head fall back against the wall. “Shit.”
Lan pushed himself back, shifting awkwardly. “I’ll leave you be, shall I?”
This was a very sensible idea. Arthur couldn’t have agreed more, so he nodded, and Lan made his escape. Arthur would have kneed his most hated nemesis in the groin on general principle at that point, but his legs felt wobbly, like jelly, so instead he let himself slide down the wall to sit on the ground for a while. Groaning, he buried his head in his hands. This was so not good, on so many levels.
When Arthur came home several hours later, Merlin was innocently reading a book on the couch. Arthur hoped fervently that he might possibly escape without any embarrassing confrontations or third degrees. Unfortunately for him, whatever God that granted such requests was sadly either absent or ignoring at him, or possibly even laughing at his pain.
“So,” Merlin began smugly, “did someone have a pleasant evening?”
Arthur breathed in shakily, showing admirable restraint by not immediately starting to have histrionics then and there. Refusing even to look at his brother, he quickly made his way to the stairs and ran up to their bedroom, falling onto the bed and hiding under the covers. He felt so dirty. And tainted.
A tad concerned by the rather defeated expression on Arthur’s face, Merlin removed his reading glasses, dumped his book on the coffee table and followed the distraught teen upstairs. Standing in the doorway, he observed Arthur for about a minute before sitting down beside him on the bed.
“Arthur? Are you alright?”
A muffled snivel was the only sound that greeted him. Even more worried now, Merlin pulled back the doona to discover that Arthur was struggling not to cry and failing miserably. “Arthur, what’s wrong?”
Arthur hiccuped and started sobbing again. “I kissed Lan. I mean, he kissed me first, but I kissed him back and it’s all the same, really, and now I feel so disgusted with myself, and-”
Merlin held up a hand. “Whoa, slow down, kid. I can’t understand a word you’re saying. So you kissed Lan. I got that. This is a bad thing why, exactly?”
Arthur scrubbed his eyes weakly, and attempted to glare at Merlin. “What do you mean, why? This is Lan we’re talking about, in case you’ve forgotten!”
Merlin crossed his arms. “I’m perfectly aware of who we’re talking about. My point, however, is that you certainly didn’t seem to be objecting. In fact, it seemed a lot like you were encouraging him.”
Arthur blushed. “Hey, it wasn’t what it looked like!”
Merlin nodded gravely. “Uh-huh. Sure. And there are just so many things you could be doing plastered all over him, too. So go on, then. Enlighten me.”
Arthur sat up, fidgeting slightly. “Well. I. Uh.”
Merlin raised his eyebrows. “Yep. That’s what they all say.”
“Merlin? Screw you,” Arthur ground out.
Merlin smirked. “Ah, but it isn’t me you want to be screwing, is it?”
“Oh, bugger off,” Arthur complained. “What did I do to deserve such a meddling older brother, anyway?”
Merlin shrugged. “Think about it this way: at least I’m not a meddling older wizard. Besides, think about all the things that could have happened without my oh-so-timely interruption.”
Arthur snorted. “You call that timely? I call it bleeding awful, personally.”
Merlin ruffled his hair. “Yeah, but if I hadn’t appeared, you might have ended up sleeping with him, mightn’t you? Never even considered that one, I’ll bet.”
Arthur shuddered, a look of sheer horror on his face. “Oh, God! You just had to say it, didn’t you? Now I’m going to have nightmares for a week!”
Merlin started laughing and couldn’t stop, so Arthur grabbed a pillow and thumped him in revenge. Merlin, still sniggering, snagged a pillow of his own to retaliate with. With his superior strength and wits (actually, it had an awful lot more to do with his tactical advantages of positioning), he soon had the upper hand and lunged for the kill, tickling his younger brother mercilessly. It was about an hour before they recovered.
Galadriel shot a sidelong glance at Arthur, who was chewing his pen with an intense air of concentration. “You know, you’re the first guy I’ve met who not only doesn’t disapprove of slash, but actively supports it.”
Arthur stopped chewing his pen momentarily to look confused. “Slash? What, as in hack and slash?”
Galadriel sniggered at the thoughts that sprung up with that phrase. “Not as such, no. It’s a technical term. For boy love. As in, love between boys?”
“Oh, right. Got it now. It’s most likely because I’m gay,” Arthur responded airily, more than a little distracted by his maths homework.
“Do you think gayness is hereditary?” Galadriel mused.
“Probably,” Arthur agreed absently, reflecting that the day the he added 2 and 3 to get 6 was a very sad one indeed.
“Then would that make Merlin gay, or Damien?”
Arthur dropped his calculator in sheer surprise. “What?”
“Well, Merlin is your brother now, but Damien was your son before. When he was Mordred.” Galadriel reasoned. “So which one is gay?”
“Both, definitely,” Arthur stated firmly. “I have proof.”
Galadriel raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“Merlin’s thing for Everett is about as subtle as a sledgehammer, and Damien and Lucas aren’t much better. I don’t think either of them really understand the concept of discretion,” Arthur explained.
“Which would make Lucas and Everett gay, too,” Galadriel concluded.
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“If Lucas is gay, does that make Lan gay?”
Arthur’s head shot up from his textbook. “Excuse me?”
Galadriel snuck a sly look at him from where she lay on Merlin’s bed. “Same thing as you and Damien. Galahad was Lancelot’s son; if he’s gay, doesn’t that mean Lancelot must have been gay as well?”
Arthur shut his maths text with a thump. “Quite frankly,” he informed Galadriel shortly, “I neither know nor care. Lan’s sexual preference is entirely his own business. Personally, I’ve had quite enough study for now. Let’s go for a walk.”
Galadriel wisely refrained from further comment on the matter, but she grinned to herself, the wheels in her mind beginning to turn. ‘Methinks the boy doth protest too much.’
“Hey, do you think being gay is genetic?” Arthur asked, idly staring up at the ceiling.
Merlin turned the page of his novel and replied without taking his eyes off the words. “How should I know? You’re gay, you tell me.”
Arthur smirked. “Yeah, but so are you, and you’re older, so I thought you might know.”
Merlin froze. “Where the hell,” he began calmly, “did you get that idea from?”
Arthur wrinkled his nose. “What, you being gay? Mainly from the whole Everett thing. That was a pretty massive clue-in, you know.”
Merlin carefully marked his place with a bookmark and placed the book on his bedside table before sitting up to glare at his younger brother, eyes glinting dangerously behind his wire-frame reading glasses. “What Everett thing?”
“The fact that he’s male, for a start,” Arthur commented casually.
Merlin blinked several times, utterly perplexed. “Pardon? What has that got to do with the price of fish?”
Arthur gave him a weird look. “Um, nothing, last time I checked. I didn’t think the price of fish was particularly relevant.”
Merlin waved his hand impatiently. “You know what I meant. How is Everett’s gender at all significant?”
Arthur shook his head. “Lin, if I were you, I might try to read the fine-print before going around casting random spells in future.”
Merlin’s eyes widened in alarm. “Fine-print? What fine-print?” he yelped, diving for the chest at the end of his bed. He was frantically rifling through its contents looking for his spell book when Arthur’s laughter became uncontrollable. Aborting his search abruptly, he turned to glower at Arthur.
“Arthur, that was not nice. Do that again, and I’ll do something highly unpleasant,” Merlin growled.
Arthur sniggered. “Really? Like what?”
Merlin narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know, but hopefully whatever it is will be nasty and possibly fatal.”
Arthur shrugged. “If you want. You did deserve it, though. That was years worth of payback, especially for the stuff about Lan. Besides, I was being serious. Next time you really should read the fine-print.”
“What fine-print?” Merlin demanded.
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Hey, who’s the wizard here, you or me?” Sliding off his bed, he padded over to the chest, knelt down, and shoved a few things aside before grabbing Merlin’s ancient spell book from the bottom of the trunk and flipping to the summoning page. “There.”
Merlin scanned the page until his eyes hit the tiny writing at the bottom. “Between the wizard and his demon shalt there be a bond so strong as to be unbreakable,” Merlin read aloud. “The bond of lo- oh, fuck!”
Arthur patted the distraught wizard on the shoulder sympathetically. “I’m sure you’ll get used to it. Eventually.”
Merlin dropped the book and jumped to his feet, waving his arms hysterically. “Used to it? I don’t want to get used to it! I do not love Everett; in fact, I don’t even like him! I hate him! He’s an annoying pain in the arse!”
Arthur began to have a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. “This is sounding awfully familiar.”
Merlin flung himself onto the bed and punched his pillow. “No, it’s not. This is completely different. Unlike you and Lan, I do not have a kinky love-hate thing going on with Everett!”
Deciding to protest about the insinuations about himself later, Arthur retorted to the latter half of the complaint. “You sure? Cause it kinda seems like you do, from where I’m standing.”
“As if!” Merlin snapped. “Everett isn’t a reincarnation, which is where the distinction lies, as far as I’m concerned. You and Lan are probably going through some weird, twisted karma trip over the Guinevere thing. It has nothing to do with me or Everett whatsoever.”
Arthur grit his teeth. “Quit trying to change the subject. The point here is that you and Everett have certain issues, so stop trying to bring me into it. Anyway, there’s probably a reason he’s not a reincarnation. For one thing, as the book-reading wizard guy, you’d know what was going to happen. You certainly seem to with everybody else’s love lives.”
“But I hate him!” Merlin wailed.
“Yes, well, not to be obvious, but you are the one who summoned him in the first place,” Arthur pointed out logically.
“Oh, shut up. Go away.” Merlin snarled, curling up on his bed and hugging his pillow.
Arthur knelt on the floor watching him for a while before giving up and going downstairs. He figured that Merlin needed some peace to recover.
Passing his mother, who was playing flamenco guitar, he stopped to briefly warn her that unless she wanted to see the fireworks, she should prevent Everett from going near Merlin for now. As Arthur walked out the door, Cassie simply smiled. Having a mother who was also an oracle could be a bit unnerving, sometimes.
“You know,” Merlin commented conversationally, flicking through his arcane book of records, “I think Lancelot and Arthur were in love with each other.”
This statement was met by silence as a whole, the occupants of the rooms staring at him with varying degrees of surprise displayed through their expressions.
When he finally got over the initial shock, Arthur glared at his older brother. “Lin, what relevance does that have to anything?”
Lan and Galadriel, exchanging glances, both surreptitiously began paying very close attention to the discussion at hand.
“Well,” Merlin mused, “I’m starting to come up with some very interesting theories about this whole situation. And one of the things I’m thinking is that that may be one of the keys to winning.”
Arthur’s eye twitched. “Please, please tell me you’re not saying what I think you’re saying. Because if you are, brother or not, wizard or not, I will be forced to kill you.”
Lucas raised his eyebrows. “Really. And what do you think he is saying that is so very incriminating?”
Arthur flushed. “I’m not telling. He has a chance to justify himself.”
Damien laughed. “How very sporting of you, Arthur dear.”
Vivian grinned. “Sporting? No, I definitely wouldn’t say that. Very cunning, though. Just in case he’s wrong, he’s saving himself from possible humiliation. Smart one.”
Percy shrugged. “True, but he’s still going to be mortally embarrassed if Merlin is saying what he thinks. Or worse, you never know.”
Gareth considered this. “Yes, but then he’ll just kill Merlin, won’t he?”
Kay rolled his eyes. “Interesting as all this analysis is, why don’t we let Merlin clarify his cryptic comment himself?”
Percy stuck his tongue out. “Oh, fine. Be a wet blanket.”
Merlin cleared his throat. “Yes, thanks guys. What I was saying, though, is one of the things that resulted in failure last time may have been the break in the relationship.”
“Or maybe they just messed up their chances in the first place,” Will added thoughtfully.
“Yeah, or that,” Merlin conceded. “But the thing is, if they hadn’t stuffed that up, everything else might not have gone so badly. You guys have heard the old theory about the state of the King effecting everything in his kingdom right down to nature, yes?”
Arthur narrowed his eyes. “Okay, this is going exactly where I thought it would. Consider yourself warned, Merlin!”
Galadriel shook her head. “Arthur? Have you ever heard of Prozac? I think you might benefit from it.”
Kit studied her curiously. “I thought you didn’t advocate pharmaceuticals.”
Galadriel smiled sweetly. “I don’t, usually, but in this case, I think Arthur really does need it.”
Vivian cracked up. “Amen to that, sister.”
Arthur glared at them both. “Oh, shut up. Merlin deserves whatever he gets.”
Merlin, placing his book down on the table, linked his arms behind his head. “Exactly. That’s what I’m trying to point out. Relationships in this life are directly linked to those in the previous life. The wizard Merlin was, in a way, Arthur’s guide and father. This time, the stronger bond of blood brothers is representative of this. The same thing is happening with each of us. So Arthur’s actions in the past are directly responsible for his problems now. What I was saying before, though, was that one of the things that brought about defeat last time and may still do so again was-”
Arthur broke in quickly. “Say it and die, bro.”
Merlin stretched angelically. “Oh? And what would ‘it’ be, Arthur dearest?”
Arthur slammed his fist into the table. “Damn it, Merlin! Stop teasing me! You know what I’m talking about. It’s not fair, you know how I feel about it!”
Merlin sighed. “Arthur, you of all people should know that it has to be said.”
“Doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Arthur mumbled.
Everyone was once again watching the exchange with barely contained interest. Everett grinned. “I think I may know what you’re talking about,” he announced smugly.
Merlin kicked him in the ankle. “Shut up, demon. You’re strictly banned from participating in this conversation.”
Everett pouted. “Spoilsport.”
Lan raised an eyebrow. “Well? Are we going to be enlightened, or shall we all just go to an early grave by dying from curiosity?”
“Don’t be silly, it’s physically impossible to die from curiosity,” Merlin informed him curtly.
“Although, you know what they say about the cat,” Will commented.
“Oh, shut up,” Merlin grumbled. “I honestly don’t think we’ll ever get to the point, and I suspect that Arthur is trying to manipulate the flow of the discussion to keep it that way.”
Arthur had the good grace to look mildly guilty. “I’m well within my rights. This stuff is personal, who gave you the right to blab about it?”
Merlin laughed. “You know what I said ages ago about being a meddling older brother?”
Arthur groaned. “How could I forget?”
“Then you’ll remember that it turned out I was wrong.”
Arthur watched him suspiciously. “How so?”
“It turns out I am a meddling older wizard, after all. So there you go- two reasons why I’ve got the right. Sucks to be you, kiddo.”
“Merlin? I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Screw you.”
“And what I said last time still stands,” Merlin responded, leaning back into his chair with a decidedly self-satisfied air about him.
Arthur whimpered, looking traumatised, but said nothing. Lan glanced from one to the other, confusion clear on his face. Now this, he would like to know, and he stated as much.
Merlin sat up again, crossing his arms. “Sorry, you’ll just have to wait for Arthur to cough up the goods, and as that’s not likely to happen this lifetime, you’ll just have to want, won’t you?”
Lan clicked his fingers. “Damn. Was worth a try, I guess.”
“Did anyone want to get back to the topic, or should we just forget the whole thing?” Damien wondered idly.
Vivian patted him on the back. “Poor baby. Concentrating on more than one thing at a time is beyond him.”
Damien swatted her off, sniggering despite himself. Merlin stared at the ceiling in supplication. “Dear lord, I am surrounded by idiots.”
Gareth threw a pen at his head. “Dork.”
Merlin rubbed the bridge of his nose wearily. “Thankless job, this is. I wouldn’t be surprised if the original Merlin had just abandoned you all to your fates. Nobody appreciates me, I swear.”
Everett leered at him, giving him the once-over. “Oh, I wouldn’t say that, exactly. I certainly appreciate you.”
“You don’t count,” Merlin muttered sourly. Meiran, who had been sitting cross-legged in complete serenity and silence since the beginning, patted him sympathetically. Being a reincarnated wizard really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
[i]Lancelot had been moping around his father’s courts for about a month now, and Ban had had more than enough of his son’s sulky presence. He had yet to give an explanation for this sudden arrival, had failed to introduce the unnerving young lady whom he had brought with him and worst of all, hadn’t mentioned Arthur the whole time. Something was obviously very wrong with this image.
Well, whatever was going on, Ban was going to get to the bottom of it and stop it, starting now. Striding over to where Lancelot was slouched in a chair pouting, he planted himself in front of the brooding knight and schooled his face into an appropriately stern expression.
“Lancelot du Point de Lac,” Ban started firmly, “you are going to tell me- as of this minute- exactly what you are doing here.”
Lancelot shrugged moodily. “You do always tell me to visit. Here I am, and you complain. This makes very little sense to me.”
Ban gazed at him flatly. “Nice try. However, I suspect that my paternal wishes have very little to do with your decision, given that you’ve spent the entire time here mooching about and conspicuously not mentioning Arthur.”
Lancelot flinched slightly at the name of his king. Ban narrowed his eyes. “I might have known. What in the name of Christ have you done, son? Last time you were here, five years ago might I add, you wouldn’t shut up about the man. This time I haven’t heard a word about him since your arrival. Would you care to explain?”
Lancelot scuffed his foot sullenly. “It’s a long story.”
Ban smiled humorously. “I’ve got time.”
Lancelot sighed and rested his head on his arms, braced on the table. “Well, he’s a bit angry at me, actually.”
Ban raised an eyebrow. “Really. I would never have guessed.”
Lancelot glared at him. “Anyway. As I was saying, he’s angry at me because I killed some people.”
Ban rolled his eyes. “Lancelot. You are a knight. You are meant to kill people, it’s what you do!”
“But they were other knights!” Lancelot protested.
“Oh, God. I hope you have a good reason for this one. Exactly what did they do to irritate you so much so that you felt the need to run them through?” Ban asked sarcastically.
“It was an accident!” he objected.
Ban sighed. “And how did you manage to have such a fatal and problematic accident in the first place?”
“It just sort of happened. When I was abducting Guinevere.”
Ban’s eyes widened, and he turned to stare at the mysterious lady. She watched him back calmly. Lancelot nodded grimly. “Yes, that would be Guinevere.”
Ban blinked a few times. “And you abducted her why?”
Lancelot looked a bit uncomfortable, blush tinging his cheeks. “Ah. Well, when you get right down to it, it’s because I’m in love with Arthur.”
Ban stared at him. “You are in love with King Arthur, and so you abduct his queen and run away. Is it just me, or does that make absolutely no sense? I begin to question your wits, boy.”
“Hey, he was going to execute her!” Lancelot retorted defensively. “Anyway, it was sort of my fault.”
Ban groaned. “How do you get yourself into these messes? I certainly don’t think you got it from my side! So how was it your fault? Go on, inform me, I’m really curious now.”
So Lancelot did, explaining the whole sorry mix-up with the poem from start to finish. By the end, Ban had his head in his hands in sheer frustrated annoyance.
“Lancelot. I had hoped that I would never have to do this, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to banish you from your childhood lands.”
Lancelot was horrified. “But, father-”
Ban held up his hand. “Ah! I’m not finished yet. Hear me through. It is abundantly clear to me that you’ve successfully made a right mess of this whole situation, and your continued absence is only making it worse. You are going to march right back there, apologise to Arthur, and sort this whole thing out. Until you do, you’re not to return, do you understand me?”
“Yes, but what if he beheads me?” Lancelot wailed.
Ban thumped a palm into his forehead. “Boy, he is not going to have you beheaded! Honestly, that must be the stupidest thing you’ve said all day, and given what idiocies you’ve been coming up with, that really is saying something.”
Lancelot looked confused. “What do you mean? I don’t get it, how do you know he won’t execute me?”
“Son, think about this carefully. King Arthur suspects his best friend of carrying on an intimate relationship with his ostensibly beloved wife. This causes him to become possessive and jealous, correct?”
“I suppose,” Lancelot conceded reluctantly.
“And so in a fit of jealous rage he condemns his wife to death. Would it not seem to you that there is something missing here?”
Lancelot retained his politely blank and uncomprehending expression. Ban shook his head wearily. “Look, never mind. I tried to explain it, but if you’re not getting it now, I’m not going to spell it out for you. This is one of those things you and Arthur need to work out for yourselves. Just go do something about it, will you?”
Lancelot pushed himself to his feet grumpily. “Oh, fine. You’ll be sorry when I’m dead, though. Come on, Guinevere.”
“Just before you depart,” Ban interrupted, “would you mind explaining what the Lady’s plans are?”
“Oh, she’s going to meet up with Arthur’s half-sister so they can live happily ever after in wedded bliss. Or at least, that’s the idea,” Lancelot offered casually.
Ban winced. “Forget I asked. I don’t think I want to know, anymore. Goodbye, Lancelot. Next time, try to come back sooner, and hopefully for a better reason.”
Lancelot had the good grace to look sheepish. “I’ll try. That is, of course, if I’m not dead. Bye, father.”
Guinevere bade the King a formal farewell, and they set off on their return to Camelot. Joy.
“Guinevere, why are you smirking at me?”
“Am I? I hadn’t noticed. Isn’t that odd?” Guinevere commented sweetly.
Lancelot snorted. It seemed that everybody was in on the secret but him, and nobody wanted to take pity on him. Maybe he’d find out one day by himself- that is, of course, if he didn’t die first- but in the meanwhile, it was rather frustrating.
Damn. [/i]
(they all just had a flashback, this is the scene straight after.)
Lan shuddered. “I can’t believe I was that stupid. I mean, I figured out about the dynamics of the relationship ages ago!”
Arthur stared at him in a bewildered fashion. “Pardon? What relationship? I know of no relationship! What the hell are you talking about?”
Lan shook his head wryly. “Ah. It seems we have swapped stupidity roles. I have to hand it to you, Merlin, your karma theory is starting to look very plausible.”
Merlin shrugged. “I’m always right.”
Arthur scowled. “Hey! I am not stupid. I was High King, remember?” He grinned wickedly, he and Damien chanting in chorus, “which means I’m really, really cool!”
“You’re cool too, of course,” Arthur informed Damien graciously. Damien grinned. “Why, thankyou.”
Lan sighed. “I hate to shatter your pretty delusions, Arthur, but being High King doesn’t make you cool. In fact, it just backs up my claim of your stupidity.”
“Does too make me cool!” Arthur argued.
Lan rolled his eyes. “I thought you knew the Arthurian legends, dolt. King Arthur-” he paused to look at Arthur disparagingly, “and yes, that is you- made some incredibly badly planned decisions that resulted in the destruction of everything. Actually, scratch that, I don’t think you even did any planning. You went wonky and impulsive and acted without thinking at all, and because of that, everyone died. Any questions?”
Arthur blinked. “I hate you.”
“I know,” Lan purred.
Galadriel smirked.
Merlin was valiantly trying to study, but without all that much luck. He could feel Everett staring at him from behind the sunglasses, leaning against the wall in a generally obnoxious fashion. Besides, doing English homework on the Arthurian legends was even more disturbing now than it had been before. He was already close to breaking point as it was, even without Everett’s irritating presence.
Silently seething and willing himself to ignore the hovering fire demon, Merlin wondered how, exactly, he was meant to write an essay on the relationship between Arthur, Lancelot and Guinevere. Somehow, he didn’t think that his teacher would really approve of the truth. Nobody seemed all that willing to accept that the relationship had actually been between Lancelot and Arthur, which meant that he was going to have to go with the widely acknowledged affair story, never mind that he knew it was a lie. His mind was going to shatter. Even worse than that, the three in question were going to kill him. Merlin sighed.
“What’s wrong, princess?” Everett drawled.
Merlin slammed his pen down and twisted to glare at his summon. “Right, that’s it! I’ve had enough of this, can’t you find someone else to piss off for today?”
Everett shrugged. “I could, yes. The question is, do I want to?”
Merlin crossed his arms. “I really couldn’t care less. Go away. That is an order.”
“Oh, fine, be that way,” Everett complained. “Don’t see why you have to be so snippy about it.”
Merlin took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself. “When I find out how to send you back from whence you came,” he stated evenly, “rest assured that I will do so.”
Everett pushed his glasses up and smirked at him, fiery eyes burning into him. “Ah, but when you do, I’ll just come back. And it’ll be of my own free will, so guess what? You won’t have any control over me. I’ll be able to do what I like.”
Merlin went pale and looked as if he were considering fainting as a viable option. “You don’t mean that, do you? Oh, God.”
Everett flicked his sunnies back down over his eyes and went over to lean against the doorframe. “See you later, sweetie.”
Merlin started bashing his head on the desk. Words couldn’t describe how much his life was sucking right then.
Well, THAT was far too long. Sorry for inflicting it on you, E-chan, but you DID ask. ^ ^;
And here is the Arthur stuff as promised, e-chan. It's really long, especially once I add in the character stuff, so you've been warned. ^ ^; And I'm sorry- I really CAN'T change Lan's name. Ashie and I tried for about 10 minutes and came up with zip. *sigh* If it really bothers you, you can come up with a name and do the copy-paste-find-replace thing.
Eugenie, feel free to skip the profiles- they may get boring, and they're partly here to help me. ^ ^;
Arthur= Arthur
Is 15. Past shoulder-length, thick, shaggy blue-black hair; big, almond-shaped jade-green eyes; olive skin, delicate features, high cheek-bones, short, slender. Mother is a gypsy. (Arthur gets mocked a lot for being a "pretty boy"; Merlin sometimes does too, but to nowhere near the same extent.)
Merlin= Merlin
Is 17. Shoulder-length, straight blue-black hair; big almond-shaped amber-brown eyes; olive skin, delicate features, high cheek-bones; tall, slender, has gold-frame wire reading glasses. Arthur's older brother.
Lancelot= Lan
16. Eye-level, honey blond, silky straight hair; cobalt blue eyes; fair skin, strong bone structure; tall, not stocky but solidly built. Arthur hates him on sight.
Guinevere= Galadriel
15. Long, hip-length cornsilk blonde hair. So wavy it looks crimped. Eyes are cornflower blue, has fair skin, and a willowy but strong frame. Is taller than Arthur. Tends to wear peasant tops, long flowing skirts and no shoes- mother is a hippy, hence the name Galadriel River Moonchild. She and Arthur initially dislike each other, but become good friends. Galadriel is actually Lan's younger sister, but their parents got divorced when they were little and their mother became a hippy. Lan went with father, and Galadriel's name was changed from Bella to Galadriel.
Galahad= Lucas
18. (Yes, older than Lan.) Stawberry blond hair, grey eyes. Medium height. Is a lot eviller than Galahad used to be- a lot more prone to getting his way, generally by playing with people's minds. Haven't really thought much about him yet. Is friends with Merlin.
Mordred= Damien
19. Has semi-long, slightly spiky brown hair and blue eyes. Is an Arts student at Uni majoring Graphic Design, and delights in being INCREDIBLY gay. Is very sweet, very friendly, and does things like wearing pink-tinted lip gloss just to piss people off.
Vivanne= Vivian
19. Vivian is also an Arts student, but majors in Medieval history. She has mid-back-length, wavy vibrant red hair and emerald green eyes. She's tall, solidly built and curvaceous. Has been best friends with Damien for years, and now they share a dorm. Is a flaming rainbow weasel of gay pride (thank you for the term, e-chan) and goes to lots of gay rights rallies and such like. Is otherwise a stereotypical student- lives in jean, drinks too much coffee, complains about finals, etc.
Nimue= Pandora
21. Has soft, wavy brown hair and brown eyes. Student teacher at Arthur's school, and Damien's older sister. She's gentle, quiet and kind.
Gareth= Gareth
16. Is tall, has curly black hair and brown eyes. Damien and Pandora's younger step-brother. He's friends with Arthur AND Lan, which is no small feat.
Percivale= Percy
15. Has wavy, bright red hair often pulled back into a short pony tail and grey eyes. He's short and rather skinny, which is a sore point with him, and has both ears pierced, but generally only wears an earring in one. He's Viv's younger brother. Doesn't much like Gareth, especially not when he starts making passes.
Kay= Kay
Kay is 17, tall, and has red hair and hazel eyes. He's friends with Merlin, and is brother to Viv and Percy. He's the vaguely sensible one.
Gawain= Will
16. Stawberry blond hair, blue eyes, Lucas' younger brother. Is quiet, a dreamer, says a lot of very strange things, but knows what he wants and how to get it. Friends with Arthur AND Lan. (Hard, but not impossible)
Morgan= Meiran
15. Is Chinese, has staight, silky mid-back-length black hair and brown-black eyes. Short, delicate and petite. Very quiet, often has a slight smile on her face. Arthur is a bit unnerved by her at first. Meiran is sort of friends with Lan, but is often a loner.
Gaheris= Kit
18, does Engineering at Uni. Friends with Damien and Vivian. Has short, spiky black hair, olive skin, and brown-black eyes. Friendly, caring. Wears a leather jacket and black jeans a lot, and has pierced ears. Loves his moterbike. Kit is Meiran's older half-brother.
Everett
Everett has no age, as he is a fire-demon that Merlin summoned accidentally who now refuses to go away. He has semi-long, VERY spiky black hair, red-gold eyes, and an attitude. Loves to tease and crack on to Merlin. Merlin dislikes him intensely, but doesn't know how to get rid of him.
....... that took too long. *pout* Here's the actual storyness. Be warned- it's not consecutive. It's just random scenes I felt like writing, some BEFORE they find out who they are, and some AFTER. Wheeeeeeee. I tried to get them vaguely in order.
Arthur stared at his mother in something akin to shock. “No. No way. You are so not serious. You aren’t, are you? Please, please tell me you’re not.”
Cassie sighed. “For goodness sake, Arthur, it’s really not that bad. I don’t know what you’re complaining about.”
Merlin rolled his eyes. “How about the fact that we’re going to be ridiculed in yet another town? It’s taken this long to get the kids at school to stop laughing at us, and we can tell that the teachers are sniggering behind our backs too, you know. What on earth possessed you to saddle your poor defenceless sons with such ridiculous names, I will never know.”
Their mother smiled mysteriously as she always did when Merlin made that comment. “I’m sure you will one day, Merlin. For now, however, it would be nice if you would start packing. We’re leaving in less than a week.”
Arthur stamped his foot. “You didn’t answer me! Why are we moving again? I’m sick of moving! We never stay anywhere for more than 6 months. How do you ever expect us to adjust?”
Cassie merely shrugged, eyes shuttered. “Anything you don’t pack will be left behind.” She turned around and went back to washing the dishes, a clear sign that the conversation was now over. Arthur opened his mouth to start arguing again, but Merlin grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the kitchen before he could make things worse.
Once they had reached the hall, Arthur yanked his arm back and turned to glare at his older brother furiously. “What the fuck,” he hissed, “did you do that for?”
Merlin crossed his arms. “Arthur, you know that it wouldn’t do any good.”
Arthur clenched his fists and stood trembling with suppressed rage for a few seconds before spinning on his heel and stalking up the stairs to their bedroom. Merlin winced and followed the angered teen, leaning against the doorframe with a rueful expression.
“Arthur-”
Arthur had his face buried in his pillow, arms curled around his head. Merlin bit his lip. "Arthur, it's not THAT bad-"
"Not that bad? We're moving to WALES!" Arthur wailed.
(um, in this next scene, Arthur and Lan are dancing, Arthur is wearing a dress and Lan doesn't know who he is. There is a REASON for this, I just haven't written the preceding scene yet. Sorry. ^ ^;)
Arthur was beginning to sweat from being in close proximity to Lan for such an extended period of time. It was making him uncomfortable, but there was very little he could do about it, given the circumstances. Lan dragged him even closer on the next turn, and Arthur was beginning to wonder about how much closer they could get without there being some form of splicing involved.
Lan bent to whisper in Arthur’s ear, breath warm and voice low. “Enjoying yourself?”
Arthur squeaked, then deliberately turned his head away so he wouldn’t have to look at his partner. “As this is entirely under duress and in no way my own choice, I should hardly think my opinion would matter.”
Lan raised an eyebrow. “Now, now, no need to be so disagreeable. I was asking you an honest question.”
“Must you always be such an arrogant prick, Lan?” Arthur spat.
Lan narrowed his eyes. “How do you know my name? As far as I’m aware, I never told you what it was.”
“I, um, someone must have mentioned it,” Arthur stuttered nervously.
Lan continued to study him suspiciously. “Right. And you were making assumptions about my general behaviour why, exactly? Are you sure we haven’t met before? You never did tell me your name, I recall.”
Arthur stumbled, and freed his arm in the process. “If you’ll excuse me, I think I need to go to- to the bathroom. I’ll see you later!” Desperately, Arthur fled from the dance floor into the crowd, checking that the coast was clear before ducking outside. He was leaning against the wall gasping for breath when a sarcastic and recognizable voice halted his mind in its tracks.
“Bathroom, huh? That’s original. I’ve never heard anyone refer to this area as a bathroom before, but I suppose it makes a twisted sense.”
“Fuck off.” Arthur snapped.
“Not until you explain exactly who you are and what you’re so cranky about,” Lan replied evenly. Arthur shot him a look of pure hatred, but didn’t say anything.
“You know,” Lan remarked idly, “you do look strangely familiar. In fact,” and here he grabbed Arthur’s chin, forcing him to look at him, “I’m surprised I didn’t realise it was you before, Arthur.”
Arthur cringed. “Alright, this officially sucks, back off, go away.”
Lan was staring at him with an inscrutable expression. “So, would you like to tell me why you’re going around cross-dressing? Of course, I may be mistaken. You could have been a girl the whole time- you’re certainly pretty enough. So, beautiful, what you got to say about it?”
“You bastard!” Arthur exploded. “What is your problem? Why can’t you just leave me the hell alone?”
Lan smiled smoothly. “Did you want to pick a fight, Arthur? Because I can assure you, you won’t win.”
Arthur, without thinking, moved to attack. He found himself slammed against the wall with his wrists pinned back, Lan shoving into him. Briefly, he reflected that he had been wrong previously- it was physically possible to get closer without any splicing involved. Breathless, Arthur opened his mouth to make a retort that was probably highly unwise, but before he got a word out he found that it was impossible to do so. Mind blank, Arthur couldn’t comprehend what was going on until he had lost all hope of retaliation.
Lan was kissing him roughly, brutally and ruthlessly plundering his mouth and leaving him helpless and incapable of thought. As his hands were now free, he was technically able to fight back, but truthfully, he hadn’t even considered it. Automatically, he began to kiss back, one arm sliding around Lan’s waist and the other hand clutching at his hair. Lan shoved a knee between his thighs, and he linked his leg around the back of it.
It was about then that Merlin found them.
“Arthur? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarthur?” Walking around the corner, Merlin stopped still, eyes widening. “Uh, hi. I was just looking for Arthur, but as you guys are so obviously busy, I’ll leave you to it. Bye!” Merlin exclaimed brightly. Waving, he turned around and walked off, leaving Arthur feeling like he had been doused in cold water. Being returned to his senses at this precise moment was not pleasant at all; it made him realise exactly what he had been doing, and with whom. Closing his eyes, Arthur let his head fall back against the wall. “Shit.”
Lan pushed himself back, shifting awkwardly. “I’ll leave you be, shall I?”
This was a very sensible idea. Arthur couldn’t have agreed more, so he nodded, and Lan made his escape. Arthur would have kneed his most hated nemesis in the groin on general principle at that point, but his legs felt wobbly, like jelly, so instead he let himself slide down the wall to sit on the ground for a while. Groaning, he buried his head in his hands. This was so not good, on so many levels.
When Arthur came home several hours later, Merlin was innocently reading a book on the couch. Arthur hoped fervently that he might possibly escape without any embarrassing confrontations or third degrees. Unfortunately for him, whatever God that granted such requests was sadly either absent or ignoring at him, or possibly even laughing at his pain.
“So,” Merlin began smugly, “did someone have a pleasant evening?”
Arthur breathed in shakily, showing admirable restraint by not immediately starting to have histrionics then and there. Refusing even to look at his brother, he quickly made his way to the stairs and ran up to their bedroom, falling onto the bed and hiding under the covers. He felt so dirty. And tainted.
A tad concerned by the rather defeated expression on Arthur’s face, Merlin removed his reading glasses, dumped his book on the coffee table and followed the distraught teen upstairs. Standing in the doorway, he observed Arthur for about a minute before sitting down beside him on the bed.
“Arthur? Are you alright?”
A muffled snivel was the only sound that greeted him. Even more worried now, Merlin pulled back the doona to discover that Arthur was struggling not to cry and failing miserably. “Arthur, what’s wrong?”
Arthur hiccuped and started sobbing again. “I kissed Lan. I mean, he kissed me first, but I kissed him back and it’s all the same, really, and now I feel so disgusted with myself, and-”
Merlin held up a hand. “Whoa, slow down, kid. I can’t understand a word you’re saying. So you kissed Lan. I got that. This is a bad thing why, exactly?”
Arthur scrubbed his eyes weakly, and attempted to glare at Merlin. “What do you mean, why? This is Lan we’re talking about, in case you’ve forgotten!”
Merlin crossed his arms. “I’m perfectly aware of who we’re talking about. My point, however, is that you certainly didn’t seem to be objecting. In fact, it seemed a lot like you were encouraging him.”
Arthur blushed. “Hey, it wasn’t what it looked like!”
Merlin nodded gravely. “Uh-huh. Sure. And there are just so many things you could be doing plastered all over him, too. So go on, then. Enlighten me.”
Arthur sat up, fidgeting slightly. “Well. I. Uh.”
Merlin raised his eyebrows. “Yep. That’s what they all say.”
“Merlin? Screw you,” Arthur ground out.
Merlin smirked. “Ah, but it isn’t me you want to be screwing, is it?”
“Oh, bugger off,” Arthur complained. “What did I do to deserve such a meddling older brother, anyway?”
Merlin shrugged. “Think about it this way: at least I’m not a meddling older wizard. Besides, think about all the things that could have happened without my oh-so-timely interruption.”
Arthur snorted. “You call that timely? I call it bleeding awful, personally.”
Merlin ruffled his hair. “Yeah, but if I hadn’t appeared, you might have ended up sleeping with him, mightn’t you? Never even considered that one, I’ll bet.”
Arthur shuddered, a look of sheer horror on his face. “Oh, God! You just had to say it, didn’t you? Now I’m going to have nightmares for a week!”
Merlin started laughing and couldn’t stop, so Arthur grabbed a pillow and thumped him in revenge. Merlin, still sniggering, snagged a pillow of his own to retaliate with. With his superior strength and wits (actually, it had an awful lot more to do with his tactical advantages of positioning), he soon had the upper hand and lunged for the kill, tickling his younger brother mercilessly. It was about an hour before they recovered.
Galadriel shot a sidelong glance at Arthur, who was chewing his pen with an intense air of concentration. “You know, you’re the first guy I’ve met who not only doesn’t disapprove of slash, but actively supports it.”
Arthur stopped chewing his pen momentarily to look confused. “Slash? What, as in hack and slash?”
Galadriel sniggered at the thoughts that sprung up with that phrase. “Not as such, no. It’s a technical term. For boy love. As in, love between boys?”
“Oh, right. Got it now. It’s most likely because I’m gay,” Arthur responded airily, more than a little distracted by his maths homework.
“Do you think gayness is hereditary?” Galadriel mused.
“Probably,” Arthur agreed absently, reflecting that the day the he added 2 and 3 to get 6 was a very sad one indeed.
“Then would that make Merlin gay, or Damien?”
Arthur dropped his calculator in sheer surprise. “What?”
“Well, Merlin is your brother now, but Damien was your son before. When he was Mordred.” Galadriel reasoned. “So which one is gay?”
“Both, definitely,” Arthur stated firmly. “I have proof.”
Galadriel raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“Merlin’s thing for Everett is about as subtle as a sledgehammer, and Damien and Lucas aren’t much better. I don’t think either of them really understand the concept of discretion,” Arthur explained.
“Which would make Lucas and Everett gay, too,” Galadriel concluded.
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“If Lucas is gay, does that make Lan gay?”
Arthur’s head shot up from his textbook. “Excuse me?”
Galadriel snuck a sly look at him from where she lay on Merlin’s bed. “Same thing as you and Damien. Galahad was Lancelot’s son; if he’s gay, doesn’t that mean Lancelot must have been gay as well?”
Arthur shut his maths text with a thump. “Quite frankly,” he informed Galadriel shortly, “I neither know nor care. Lan’s sexual preference is entirely his own business. Personally, I’ve had quite enough study for now. Let’s go for a walk.”
Galadriel wisely refrained from further comment on the matter, but she grinned to herself, the wheels in her mind beginning to turn. ‘Methinks the boy doth protest too much.’
“Hey, do you think being gay is genetic?” Arthur asked, idly staring up at the ceiling.
Merlin turned the page of his novel and replied without taking his eyes off the words. “How should I know? You’re gay, you tell me.”
Arthur smirked. “Yeah, but so are you, and you’re older, so I thought you might know.”
Merlin froze. “Where the hell,” he began calmly, “did you get that idea from?”
Arthur wrinkled his nose. “What, you being gay? Mainly from the whole Everett thing. That was a pretty massive clue-in, you know.”
Merlin carefully marked his place with a bookmark and placed the book on his bedside table before sitting up to glare at his younger brother, eyes glinting dangerously behind his wire-frame reading glasses. “What Everett thing?”
“The fact that he’s male, for a start,” Arthur commented casually.
Merlin blinked several times, utterly perplexed. “Pardon? What has that got to do with the price of fish?”
Arthur gave him a weird look. “Um, nothing, last time I checked. I didn’t think the price of fish was particularly relevant.”
Merlin waved his hand impatiently. “You know what I meant. How is Everett’s gender at all significant?”
Arthur shook his head. “Lin, if I were you, I might try to read the fine-print before going around casting random spells in future.”
Merlin’s eyes widened in alarm. “Fine-print? What fine-print?” he yelped, diving for the chest at the end of his bed. He was frantically rifling through its contents looking for his spell book when Arthur’s laughter became uncontrollable. Aborting his search abruptly, he turned to glower at Arthur.
“Arthur, that was not nice. Do that again, and I’ll do something highly unpleasant,” Merlin growled.
Arthur sniggered. “Really? Like what?”
Merlin narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know, but hopefully whatever it is will be nasty and possibly fatal.”
Arthur shrugged. “If you want. You did deserve it, though. That was years worth of payback, especially for the stuff about Lan. Besides, I was being serious. Next time you really should read the fine-print.”
“What fine-print?” Merlin demanded.
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Hey, who’s the wizard here, you or me?” Sliding off his bed, he padded over to the chest, knelt down, and shoved a few things aside before grabbing Merlin’s ancient spell book from the bottom of the trunk and flipping to the summoning page. “There.”
Merlin scanned the page until his eyes hit the tiny writing at the bottom. “Between the wizard and his demon shalt there be a bond so strong as to be unbreakable,” Merlin read aloud. “The bond of lo- oh, fuck!”
Arthur patted the distraught wizard on the shoulder sympathetically. “I’m sure you’ll get used to it. Eventually.”
Merlin dropped the book and jumped to his feet, waving his arms hysterically. “Used to it? I don’t want to get used to it! I do not love Everett; in fact, I don’t even like him! I hate him! He’s an annoying pain in the arse!”
Arthur began to have a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. “This is sounding awfully familiar.”
Merlin flung himself onto the bed and punched his pillow. “No, it’s not. This is completely different. Unlike you and Lan, I do not have a kinky love-hate thing going on with Everett!”
Deciding to protest about the insinuations about himself later, Arthur retorted to the latter half of the complaint. “You sure? Cause it kinda seems like you do, from where I’m standing.”
“As if!” Merlin snapped. “Everett isn’t a reincarnation, which is where the distinction lies, as far as I’m concerned. You and Lan are probably going through some weird, twisted karma trip over the Guinevere thing. It has nothing to do with me or Everett whatsoever.”
Arthur grit his teeth. “Quit trying to change the subject. The point here is that you and Everett have certain issues, so stop trying to bring me into it. Anyway, there’s probably a reason he’s not a reincarnation. For one thing, as the book-reading wizard guy, you’d know what was going to happen. You certainly seem to with everybody else’s love lives.”
“But I hate him!” Merlin wailed.
“Yes, well, not to be obvious, but you are the one who summoned him in the first place,” Arthur pointed out logically.
“Oh, shut up. Go away.” Merlin snarled, curling up on his bed and hugging his pillow.
Arthur knelt on the floor watching him for a while before giving up and going downstairs. He figured that Merlin needed some peace to recover.
Passing his mother, who was playing flamenco guitar, he stopped to briefly warn her that unless she wanted to see the fireworks, she should prevent Everett from going near Merlin for now. As Arthur walked out the door, Cassie simply smiled. Having a mother who was also an oracle could be a bit unnerving, sometimes.
“You know,” Merlin commented conversationally, flicking through his arcane book of records, “I think Lancelot and Arthur were in love with each other.”
This statement was met by silence as a whole, the occupants of the rooms staring at him with varying degrees of surprise displayed through their expressions.
When he finally got over the initial shock, Arthur glared at his older brother. “Lin, what relevance does that have to anything?”
Lan and Galadriel, exchanging glances, both surreptitiously began paying very close attention to the discussion at hand.
“Well,” Merlin mused, “I’m starting to come up with some very interesting theories about this whole situation. And one of the things I’m thinking is that that may be one of the keys to winning.”
Arthur’s eye twitched. “Please, please tell me you’re not saying what I think you’re saying. Because if you are, brother or not, wizard or not, I will be forced to kill you.”
Lucas raised his eyebrows. “Really. And what do you think he is saying that is so very incriminating?”
Arthur flushed. “I’m not telling. He has a chance to justify himself.”
Damien laughed. “How very sporting of you, Arthur dear.”
Vivian grinned. “Sporting? No, I definitely wouldn’t say that. Very cunning, though. Just in case he’s wrong, he’s saving himself from possible humiliation. Smart one.”
Percy shrugged. “True, but he’s still going to be mortally embarrassed if Merlin is saying what he thinks. Or worse, you never know.”
Gareth considered this. “Yes, but then he’ll just kill Merlin, won’t he?”
Kay rolled his eyes. “Interesting as all this analysis is, why don’t we let Merlin clarify his cryptic comment himself?”
Percy stuck his tongue out. “Oh, fine. Be a wet blanket.”
Merlin cleared his throat. “Yes, thanks guys. What I was saying, though, is one of the things that resulted in failure last time may have been the break in the relationship.”
“Or maybe they just messed up their chances in the first place,” Will added thoughtfully.
“Yeah, or that,” Merlin conceded. “But the thing is, if they hadn’t stuffed that up, everything else might not have gone so badly. You guys have heard the old theory about the state of the King effecting everything in his kingdom right down to nature, yes?”
Arthur narrowed his eyes. “Okay, this is going exactly where I thought it would. Consider yourself warned, Merlin!”
Galadriel shook her head. “Arthur? Have you ever heard of Prozac? I think you might benefit from it.”
Kit studied her curiously. “I thought you didn’t advocate pharmaceuticals.”
Galadriel smiled sweetly. “I don’t, usually, but in this case, I think Arthur really does need it.”
Vivian cracked up. “Amen to that, sister.”
Arthur glared at them both. “Oh, shut up. Merlin deserves whatever he gets.”
Merlin, placing his book down on the table, linked his arms behind his head. “Exactly. That’s what I’m trying to point out. Relationships in this life are directly linked to those in the previous life. The wizard Merlin was, in a way, Arthur’s guide and father. This time, the stronger bond of blood brothers is representative of this. The same thing is happening with each of us. So Arthur’s actions in the past are directly responsible for his problems now. What I was saying before, though, was that one of the things that brought about defeat last time and may still do so again was-”
Arthur broke in quickly. “Say it and die, bro.”
Merlin stretched angelically. “Oh? And what would ‘it’ be, Arthur dearest?”
Arthur slammed his fist into the table. “Damn it, Merlin! Stop teasing me! You know what I’m talking about. It’s not fair, you know how I feel about it!”
Merlin sighed. “Arthur, you of all people should know that it has to be said.”
“Doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Arthur mumbled.
Everyone was once again watching the exchange with barely contained interest. Everett grinned. “I think I may know what you’re talking about,” he announced smugly.
Merlin kicked him in the ankle. “Shut up, demon. You’re strictly banned from participating in this conversation.”
Everett pouted. “Spoilsport.”
Lan raised an eyebrow. “Well? Are we going to be enlightened, or shall we all just go to an early grave by dying from curiosity?”
“Don’t be silly, it’s physically impossible to die from curiosity,” Merlin informed him curtly.
“Although, you know what they say about the cat,” Will commented.
“Oh, shut up,” Merlin grumbled. “I honestly don’t think we’ll ever get to the point, and I suspect that Arthur is trying to manipulate the flow of the discussion to keep it that way.”
Arthur had the good grace to look mildly guilty. “I’m well within my rights. This stuff is personal, who gave you the right to blab about it?”
Merlin laughed. “You know what I said ages ago about being a meddling older brother?”
Arthur groaned. “How could I forget?”
“Then you’ll remember that it turned out I was wrong.”
Arthur watched him suspiciously. “How so?”
“It turns out I am a meddling older wizard, after all. So there you go- two reasons why I’ve got the right. Sucks to be you, kiddo.”
“Merlin? I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Screw you.”
“And what I said last time still stands,” Merlin responded, leaning back into his chair with a decidedly self-satisfied air about him.
Arthur whimpered, looking traumatised, but said nothing. Lan glanced from one to the other, confusion clear on his face. Now this, he would like to know, and he stated as much.
Merlin sat up again, crossing his arms. “Sorry, you’ll just have to wait for Arthur to cough up the goods, and as that’s not likely to happen this lifetime, you’ll just have to want, won’t you?”
Lan clicked his fingers. “Damn. Was worth a try, I guess.”
“Did anyone want to get back to the topic, or should we just forget the whole thing?” Damien wondered idly.
Vivian patted him on the back. “Poor baby. Concentrating on more than one thing at a time is beyond him.”
Damien swatted her off, sniggering despite himself. Merlin stared at the ceiling in supplication. “Dear lord, I am surrounded by idiots.”
Gareth threw a pen at his head. “Dork.”
Merlin rubbed the bridge of his nose wearily. “Thankless job, this is. I wouldn’t be surprised if the original Merlin had just abandoned you all to your fates. Nobody appreciates me, I swear.”
Everett leered at him, giving him the once-over. “Oh, I wouldn’t say that, exactly. I certainly appreciate you.”
“You don’t count,” Merlin muttered sourly. Meiran, who had been sitting cross-legged in complete serenity and silence since the beginning, patted him sympathetically. Being a reincarnated wizard really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
[i]Lancelot had been moping around his father’s courts for about a month now, and Ban had had more than enough of his son’s sulky presence. He had yet to give an explanation for this sudden arrival, had failed to introduce the unnerving young lady whom he had brought with him and worst of all, hadn’t mentioned Arthur the whole time. Something was obviously very wrong with this image.
Well, whatever was going on, Ban was going to get to the bottom of it and stop it, starting now. Striding over to where Lancelot was slouched in a chair pouting, he planted himself in front of the brooding knight and schooled his face into an appropriately stern expression.
“Lancelot du Point de Lac,” Ban started firmly, “you are going to tell me- as of this minute- exactly what you are doing here.”
Lancelot shrugged moodily. “You do always tell me to visit. Here I am, and you complain. This makes very little sense to me.”
Ban gazed at him flatly. “Nice try. However, I suspect that my paternal wishes have very little to do with your decision, given that you’ve spent the entire time here mooching about and conspicuously not mentioning Arthur.”
Lancelot flinched slightly at the name of his king. Ban narrowed his eyes. “I might have known. What in the name of Christ have you done, son? Last time you were here, five years ago might I add, you wouldn’t shut up about the man. This time I haven’t heard a word about him since your arrival. Would you care to explain?”
Lancelot scuffed his foot sullenly. “It’s a long story.”
Ban smiled humorously. “I’ve got time.”
Lancelot sighed and rested his head on his arms, braced on the table. “Well, he’s a bit angry at me, actually.”
Ban raised an eyebrow. “Really. I would never have guessed.”
Lancelot glared at him. “Anyway. As I was saying, he’s angry at me because I killed some people.”
Ban rolled his eyes. “Lancelot. You are a knight. You are meant to kill people, it’s what you do!”
“But they were other knights!” Lancelot protested.
“Oh, God. I hope you have a good reason for this one. Exactly what did they do to irritate you so much so that you felt the need to run them through?” Ban asked sarcastically.
“It was an accident!” he objected.
Ban sighed. “And how did you manage to have such a fatal and problematic accident in the first place?”
“It just sort of happened. When I was abducting Guinevere.”
Ban’s eyes widened, and he turned to stare at the mysterious lady. She watched him back calmly. Lancelot nodded grimly. “Yes, that would be Guinevere.”
Ban blinked a few times. “And you abducted her why?”
Lancelot looked a bit uncomfortable, blush tinging his cheeks. “Ah. Well, when you get right down to it, it’s because I’m in love with Arthur.”
Ban stared at him. “You are in love with King Arthur, and so you abduct his queen and run away. Is it just me, or does that make absolutely no sense? I begin to question your wits, boy.”
“Hey, he was going to execute her!” Lancelot retorted defensively. “Anyway, it was sort of my fault.”
Ban groaned. “How do you get yourself into these messes? I certainly don’t think you got it from my side! So how was it your fault? Go on, inform me, I’m really curious now.”
So Lancelot did, explaining the whole sorry mix-up with the poem from start to finish. By the end, Ban had his head in his hands in sheer frustrated annoyance.
“Lancelot. I had hoped that I would never have to do this, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to banish you from your childhood lands.”
Lancelot was horrified. “But, father-”
Ban held up his hand. “Ah! I’m not finished yet. Hear me through. It is abundantly clear to me that you’ve successfully made a right mess of this whole situation, and your continued absence is only making it worse. You are going to march right back there, apologise to Arthur, and sort this whole thing out. Until you do, you’re not to return, do you understand me?”
“Yes, but what if he beheads me?” Lancelot wailed.
Ban thumped a palm into his forehead. “Boy, he is not going to have you beheaded! Honestly, that must be the stupidest thing you’ve said all day, and given what idiocies you’ve been coming up with, that really is saying something.”
Lancelot looked confused. “What do you mean? I don’t get it, how do you know he won’t execute me?”
“Son, think about this carefully. King Arthur suspects his best friend of carrying on an intimate relationship with his ostensibly beloved wife. This causes him to become possessive and jealous, correct?”
“I suppose,” Lancelot conceded reluctantly.
“And so in a fit of jealous rage he condemns his wife to death. Would it not seem to you that there is something missing here?”
Lancelot retained his politely blank and uncomprehending expression. Ban shook his head wearily. “Look, never mind. I tried to explain it, but if you’re not getting it now, I’m not going to spell it out for you. This is one of those things you and Arthur need to work out for yourselves. Just go do something about it, will you?”
Lancelot pushed himself to his feet grumpily. “Oh, fine. You’ll be sorry when I’m dead, though. Come on, Guinevere.”
“Just before you depart,” Ban interrupted, “would you mind explaining what the Lady’s plans are?”
“Oh, she’s going to meet up with Arthur’s half-sister so they can live happily ever after in wedded bliss. Or at least, that’s the idea,” Lancelot offered casually.
Ban winced. “Forget I asked. I don’t think I want to know, anymore. Goodbye, Lancelot. Next time, try to come back sooner, and hopefully for a better reason.”
Lancelot had the good grace to look sheepish. “I’ll try. That is, of course, if I’m not dead. Bye, father.”
Guinevere bade the King a formal farewell, and they set off on their return to Camelot. Joy.
“Guinevere, why are you smirking at me?”
“Am I? I hadn’t noticed. Isn’t that odd?” Guinevere commented sweetly.
Lancelot snorted. It seemed that everybody was in on the secret but him, and nobody wanted to take pity on him. Maybe he’d find out one day by himself- that is, of course, if he didn’t die first- but in the meanwhile, it was rather frustrating.
Damn. [/i]
(they all just had a flashback, this is the scene straight after.)
Lan shuddered. “I can’t believe I was that stupid. I mean, I figured out about the dynamics of the relationship ages ago!”
Arthur stared at him in a bewildered fashion. “Pardon? What relationship? I know of no relationship! What the hell are you talking about?”
Lan shook his head wryly. “Ah. It seems we have swapped stupidity roles. I have to hand it to you, Merlin, your karma theory is starting to look very plausible.”
Merlin shrugged. “I’m always right.”
Arthur scowled. “Hey! I am not stupid. I was High King, remember?” He grinned wickedly, he and Damien chanting in chorus, “which means I’m really, really cool!”
“You’re cool too, of course,” Arthur informed Damien graciously. Damien grinned. “Why, thankyou.”
Lan sighed. “I hate to shatter your pretty delusions, Arthur, but being High King doesn’t make you cool. In fact, it just backs up my claim of your stupidity.”
“Does too make me cool!” Arthur argued.
Lan rolled his eyes. “I thought you knew the Arthurian legends, dolt. King Arthur-” he paused to look at Arthur disparagingly, “and yes, that is you- made some incredibly badly planned decisions that resulted in the destruction of everything. Actually, scratch that, I don’t think you even did any planning. You went wonky and impulsive and acted without thinking at all, and because of that, everyone died. Any questions?”
Arthur blinked. “I hate you.”
“I know,” Lan purred.
Galadriel smirked.
Merlin was valiantly trying to study, but without all that much luck. He could feel Everett staring at him from behind the sunglasses, leaning against the wall in a generally obnoxious fashion. Besides, doing English homework on the Arthurian legends was even more disturbing now than it had been before. He was already close to breaking point as it was, even without Everett’s irritating presence.
Silently seething and willing himself to ignore the hovering fire demon, Merlin wondered how, exactly, he was meant to write an essay on the relationship between Arthur, Lancelot and Guinevere. Somehow, he didn’t think that his teacher would really approve of the truth. Nobody seemed all that willing to accept that the relationship had actually been between Lancelot and Arthur, which meant that he was going to have to go with the widely acknowledged affair story, never mind that he knew it was a lie. His mind was going to shatter. Even worse than that, the three in question were going to kill him. Merlin sighed.
“What’s wrong, princess?” Everett drawled.
Merlin slammed his pen down and twisted to glare at his summon. “Right, that’s it! I’ve had enough of this, can’t you find someone else to piss off for today?”
Everett shrugged. “I could, yes. The question is, do I want to?”
Merlin crossed his arms. “I really couldn’t care less. Go away. That is an order.”
“Oh, fine, be that way,” Everett complained. “Don’t see why you have to be so snippy about it.”
Merlin took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself. “When I find out how to send you back from whence you came,” he stated evenly, “rest assured that I will do so.”
Everett pushed his glasses up and smirked at him, fiery eyes burning into him. “Ah, but when you do, I’ll just come back. And it’ll be of my own free will, so guess what? You won’t have any control over me. I’ll be able to do what I like.”
Merlin went pale and looked as if he were considering fainting as a viable option. “You don’t mean that, do you? Oh, God.”
Everett flicked his sunnies back down over his eyes and went over to lean against the doorframe. “See you later, sweetie.”
Merlin started bashing his head on the desk. Words couldn’t describe how much his life was sucking right then.
Well, THAT was far too long. Sorry for inflicting it on you, E-chan, but you DID ask. ^ ^;
So funny
Date: 2003-04-13 08:19 pm (UTC)